


I Thought I Wanted This

by Athetos



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora’s POV - third person, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Flashbacks, Gaslighting, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post Season 5, Swearing, Toxic Relationships, catra's redemption arc... part 2, discussion of trauma, fankid, i'm plainly stating it's glimmadora endgame right here so theres no drama, soulmate au... kind of?, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 58,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24865447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athetos/pseuds/Athetos
Summary: After saving the world for (hopefully) the last time, Adora and Catra are finally, blissfully together.  Putting the past behind them, they march towards the future that Adora saw, more than ready to accept what fate has in store for them.  Sadly, things are never that simple, and no amount of love or forgiveness can heal their scars or erase their nightmares.  Is there any way for them to love each other, without hurting themselves in the process?  Or is it better to defy fate, and carve out a new prophecy in the stars?(AU where the dream Adora has in the Heart isn't just a dream, but an actual vision of the future.)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Jewelstar, Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 193
Kudos: 239





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some quick things before we get the ball rolling:
> 
> 1\. This started as a vent fic, originally planned to be a oneshot, but grew way out of control. It's based off my own experience with an unhealthy relationship, and isn't meant to be "catradora hate". It's just one of many possible interpretations of how their relationship progresses after the series finale.
> 
> 2\. None of this would have been possible without some very good friends helping me along the way, giving me ideas and feedback to make this the best story it could be. In particular, I want to thank - [Say_Anything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_Anything/pseuds/Say_Anything)(author of [She-Ra: Heart of Courage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24747562/chapters/59831002)), [EtherianFrigatebird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherianFrigatebird/pseuds/EtherianFrigatebird)(author of [ADORA: Vagabond of the Etherian Cosmos](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977853/chapters/54931186)), [curiousscientistkae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiousscientistkae) (author of [Key to Her Memories](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608611/chapters/59446966)), [CountDorku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountDorku) (author of [Starways](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188676)), [Crynelium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crynelium) (author of [Heartache](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24454846/chapters/59014324)), and [therodrigator6](https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/) (creator of [For the Honour of She-Ra](https://for-the-honour-of-she-ra.tumblr.com/)). You're all the coolest.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!

Adora had never been to a wedding. She didn’t even know what weddings were, until Netossa and Spinnerella had kindly explained the concept of marriage to her, after she had questioned the couple on their matching diamond rings. _It’s the promise to love someone no matter what - to be by their side always and forever, not only in this life, but in the next, and the one after that, and after that, and so on._ Adora walked away from that encounter in a dreamlike daze, her heartbeats feather light and butterfly wing fragile. The simple conversation had awoken a profound longing deep within her core, an intrinsic yearning for something that she never knew had a name. For years, it had been buried behind impassable thorns and clogged with bitter shadows, but now it was spreading outwards, bathing her bones in dazzling light and soaking her guts with viscous honey. She was drowning from the inside out in something so sweet and tender that it brought tears to her eyes and made her stomach twist and turn with the gentlest and kindest of aches.

For the first time, Adora allowed herself to want.

\---

Adora almost didn’t recognize her reflection in the waterfall before her. Her dirty blonde hair, usually held back in a tight ponytail, cascaded down her shoulders like spun gold. She knew if she dragged her fingers through it, that it would be silky soft and part welcomingly between her fingers. A crown circled her head, dipping in the center to show off a gleaming pink gem that was neither plain nor ostentatious. But perhaps the most surprising thing about her appearance was the gown she wore. It was nothing like the magenta dress she had worn to princess prom all those months ago; it was white and gold, hugging the curves she usually kept hidden and showing off her muscled arms. Although she couldn’t see it, she could feel the weight of a long cape clasped beneath her exposed shoulders, the material skimming the marble floor.

Adora didn’t need context to know she was wearing a wedding dress.

She wasn’t alone. Glimmer and Bow were there, too. Glimmer’s hair was chopped short, and swept over one side of her forehead. She was dressed in her customary blue and pink and purple, but she wasn’t wearing her trademark gloves, elegant gold bracelets looped around her wrists instead. Bow still exposed his midriff, but his heart-adorned crop top was replaced with a low-cut shirt and cape that matched Glimmer’s. His hair had grown long, and was pulled back into a messy bun, but the beginnings of a goatee were the most amusing change to his appearance.

And then… there was Catra.

Her hair had grown out from the pixie cut Adora had trimmed on the spaceship, and while it wasn’t as unruly as it had been during her time in the Horde, it was beautifully disheveled. Her cape matched Adora’s own - white with gold accents, while her undershirt was that shade of red that she had begun to associate with Catra so well. Usually, when Catra smiled, the grin would seem out of place on the magicat’s face, but here, right now, the smile looked like it belonged. Her freckled cheeks were tinted pink, affection glittering in her mismatched eyes. She was, for lack of a better word, gorgeous. 

When her friend - no, her future wife - held her hand out, she didn’t hesitate in taking it. 

\---

Adora and Catra had kissed before. Carelessly, thoughtlessly, recklessly. They were never good morning kisses, or “I love you” kisses, or just because kisses. They were lonely, starved, fragile kisses. There was love between the two; that much was true. But it was a love laced with toxic flower petals and burdened by a heavy, inescapable darkness. It was more melancholic than romantic, more hopeless than passionate. They took what little comfort they could from each other’s embrace, and replaced all that they took with an aching emptiness that dulled their thoughts and strained their bones.

This kiss was nothing like that.

Despite the direness of the situation, it was slow and meaningful, intoxicating in it’s unhurried ecstasy. Adora could properly appreciate the mellow warmth of Catra’s chapped lips on her own, the gentle dragging of her friend’s nails along her scalp, the feel of their bodies fitting together like long-lost puzzle pieces. It was radiant and intense and all-consuming, setting her soul on fire and turning any uncertainties she may have had into ash. She pressed closer, as close as possible, but it still wasn’t enough. She wanted their bodies to collide into a watercolor kaleidoscope of crimson and canary and coral. She wanted their souls to meld into a swirling whirlpool of seafoam and sage. She wanted Catra to swallow her whole in a vortex of cold fire and lazy thunder. She wanted - 

_This._

\---

The sunlight had never felt so soothing and sugar-coated before. It drenched her in sublime waves, penetrating her skin to warm her very bones. A rainbow shimmered in the sky above them, colors blending together to create a majestic cloud of iridescent vapor that seemed to dance in the air. She could hear laughter and birdsong and her own elevated, yet steady, heartbeat. She was gazing at her scuffed shoes, but as a pair of gentle hands slid over her own, she looked up and met a pair of tear-glistening eyes. Words weren’t necessary; they both leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, closing their eyes to enjoy the serenity and blissfulness of the moment. Adora’s heart seemed to expand in her chest, engulfing her lungs and ribcage in a fiery ball of euphoria.

_I’m here, and I’m never leaving again._

\---

A week passed. A week full of well-deserved rest and equally well-deserved hugs. She spent most of her time in Catra’s arms, waking up in them in the morning, and falling asleep in them at night. Glimmer was more than happy to offer Catra a permanent room of her own, and Bow was more than happy to have a new member of the Best Friend Squad to tell embarrassing stories about his new girlfriend, and so the days passed in a blur of good-natured ribbing and affectionate cuddling. 

Catra used to hate bathing - she and the other cadets had to force the magicat into the showers back in the Horde, because no, grooming yourself does not count as washing - but after her return from Horde Prime’s spaceship, Adora found her girlfriend taking baths daily. Catra claimed it was just because the water was actually hot in Bright Moon, but she suspected there was more to it, that she was trying to wash away the events of her captivity, but she said nothing. Catra would open up to her when she was ready. 

While Catra was in the tub once again, Adora found herself on one of the castle’s many balconies, her eyes focused on the stars. It was still surreal to see the celestial bodies in the night sky after shifting Etheria out of Despondos, and she was sure she would never get tired of watching them. Tonight, they looked like pinpricks of light through thick black paper, some glowing brighter than the others, as if they were competing for her attention. One of the two moons was setting, sinking below the Whispering Woods, while the other was at her peak, casting a hazy glow over the castle’s surroundings.

“Mind if I join you?”

Without looking over her shoulder, Adora nodded. Queen Glimmer moved forward to stand beside her, looking upwards as well. “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Beautiful isn’t strong enough a word.” Glimmer smiled. “I can’t believe we lived without them for so long. I know why you missed them so much.” 

Adora found herself smiling softly, too. “Did you know you can use them to navigate?” She pointed towards a particularly bright star, slightly larger than the others. “That’s called the North Star, because it always points north. So no matter how lost you are, you can orient yourself.” 

Glimmer pursed her lips in thought. “Hm… that’s incredibly helpful. I’ll have to see if I can get some cartographers to make charts of the stars. It would make nocturnal missions a lot easier, that’s for sure.”

Adora playfully nudged her companion. “Already looking ahead to the next battle? Was the war against the Horde not enough for you?”

Glimmer blushed and elbowed her friend back. “No! I’ve seen enough fighting for an entire lifetime. But it helps to be prepared.” 

A comfortable silence settled over the pair. Like with Catra, Adora and Glimmer had their own language, one that required no words or signs. Just being.

After a long moment, Glimmer cleared her throat, looked mischievously at the hero out of the corner of her eye. “So… You and Catra, huh?”

The blonde blushed, her cheeks rosy in the moonlight. “Me and Catra? What about us?”

“You’re together now. What’s that like?”

Adora played with her hands. “It’s… great, actually.” Violets bloomed in her chest at the admission. “It’s like… It’s like nothing bad ever happened. What things would have been like, without Shadow Weaver or Hordak or the entire weight of the world bearing down on us. She’s cute, and funny, and smart, and when she smiles, it’s the most gorgeous thing in the world. She’s happy, I’m happy, we’re finally happy, it’s... “ The warrior trailed off, embarrassed. 

A hand squeezing her shoulder told her it was okay. “I’m really happy for both of you. I know things… things were really messed up between you two. But I’m glad it’s okay now, and you have each other. I want you to be happy, Adora. You deserve it.”

Adora’s blush deepened, and she decided it was time for payback. “Well… how about you and Bow, huh? What’s that like?”

Glimmer dropped her hand from her shoulder, and seemed to grow smaller as she looked away. “I… We’re not together, anymore.”

“Oh…” Whatever Adora had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “I’m sorry… Is everything okay?”

The queen nodded, but the corners of her lips were still pulled into a frown. “Yeah. Bow’s nice. I love him, and he loves me. We always will. But we talked about it, and we decided, maybe we don’t love each other the way we thought we did. Does that make any sense?”

“As in, you see each other more as just friends?”

“Exactly. I thought… I don’t know, with all the emotions running high, I thought maybe I wanted to be with him, romantically. And it wasn’t bad, but it felt… wrong. I’m not even entirely sure if I like men, to be honest. Maybe there’s a man out there that I’ll love, maybe there isn’t.” She smirked then. “But in the meantime, there’s plenty of women for me to crush on.”

Adora laughed, wrapping an arm around her friend’s waist. “That’s the spirit, Glim! And no matter what, I’ll support you, I promise. Figure things out at your own pace, okay? I want you to be happy too, Glimmer. Because you deserve it.”

Glimmer ducked out of her hug, poking the hero in her side. “Hey! Don’t spit my own words back at me! That’s plagiarism!” 

Laughing, the two play-fought, before once again turning their attention to the sky above, leaning softly against each other. 

“I love you, Glimmer. And I know Catra loves you as well.”

“Bow and I love the both of you too, Adora.”

\---

Sometimes, Adora forgot the scars were there.

Usually she wore her scars with pride. In the Horde, where healing magic was nonexistent and bandages were few and far between, scars were considered marks of bravery. They were something to show off around a campfire, something to brag about to the other force captains, something to frighten the new recruits. They were badges of honor, and even though Adora had left most of her beliefs from her childhood behind, she still revelled in the sight of her scars.

But not these ones.

The battle of Bright Moon was nothing to celebrate. Catra’s claws shredding through skin and muscle was nothing to commemorate.

It took months for the wounds to heal. Adora, still hanging on to twisted values instilled into her in the Fright Zone, kept her injuries hidden for as long as she possibly could. By the time Glimmer noticed blood seeping through the warrior’s undershirt after a particularly taxing training session, it had been weeks since the battle, and far too late for there to be any hope of the lacerations healing without leaving behind gnarled skin. Since the gashes were on her back, Adora had no idea what the true extent of her injuries were, but she knew it was far worse than she imagined when the then-princess gasped at the sight in front of her. 

After years of her body being forced to rely on it’s own biology for healing, it rejected most types of restorative magic, the magic leaking out of her faster than it could be absorbed. For months, she had a mess of bandages and gauze taped over her back, with Glimmer, Bow, and Angella taking turns tending to her injuries. By the time the wounds had healed, her back was a tragic tapestry of lost love and shattered spirits. 

She never wore a backless dress again, or changed in front of any of her friends. But as sleepless nights and vivid nightmares went by, she thought about them less and less, and sometimes she could convince herself that they never existed.

Not tonight.

Adora and Catra had been cuddling, facing each other, sharing sleepy kisses every now and then, tucking stray hairs behind each other’s ears. She massaged her partner’s hand, pressing her calloused fingers into her palm, easing the tension she found there as Catra purred contentedly, her eyes glazed and half-closed. When she finished with her work, she scooted even closer to her girlfriend, tucking her face underneath her chin, placing a lingering kiss on her collarbone. Catra yawned into the blonde’s messy hair, before planting a kiss of her own on her skull, then carefully and deliberately trailing her fingers down the grooves of the scratches engraved into her back.

Adora’s eyes shot open, widening as her stomach plummeted through the mattress and sank through the floor, dragging the rest of her insides behind it. It felt like everything within her was oozing out of her through a hole in her side, dripping down, down, down. Her body tensed up, feeling freezing cold and blazing hot at the same time. Darkness dribbled into her hollowed-out chest, filling what was missing with a panicky desolation that threatened to devour her. The air was sucked out of her lungs, like right before an explosion, and she opened her mouth to breathe, but all that left her throat was a shuddering gasp.

“Adora? Are you okay?”

Catra blinked the bleariness from her eyes, and upon noticing her girlfriend’s horror-struck expression, sat up on her elbow to lean over her. “Adora! What’s wrong?”

Adora couldn’t speak; her mouth was dry and her tongue ash, and she knew she needed to breathe, but she couldn’t remember how to. Her lips trembled, her eyes watered, her hands shook. 

“Babe, speak to me. It’s okay. I’m right here, I promise.”

The words were meant to be comforting, but the saccharine sweetness of her tone failed to elicit any reaction from Adora. She kept struggling to breathe, her throat parched and aching, a dense fogginess dimming her thoughts. Her back was scorching hot with pain. Daggers were dug into her skin, boring into her bones, flaying her flesh. The blades sizzled as they drove a searing path that criss-crossed over her spine, blood bubbling up unbidden from the jagged abrasions. Tears slipped down her face, carving rivers along her cheeks before plummeting to the sheets beneath her. 

“Adora, please, speak to me.” Catra’s voice was low and urgent, as she reached her hand out once again, placing it gingerly against her back - 

Adora didn’t have the words or air to scream, but her silent shriek of agony was the loudest thing either woman had ever heard. So loud, that the aftershocks drowned out Catra crying out her name, as the warrior shoved herself as far away from her frightened girlfriend as possible. She was wrapped in thick blankets that impeded her progress. Lashing out in every direction possible, she pushed the blankets away, giving her some room to breathe, hyperventilating. Catra tried to help disentangle her lover, but all she got was a bruised nose for her troubles, as Adora, unaware, pressed her knuckles into her face.

Finally, she was free, and fell to the floor with a loud thump, landing on her back, which flared up with pain once again. She could smell smoke and death and desperation, hear the cries of the wounded and heartbroken. Her mouth tasted of iron and copper, tangy and disorienting and almost intoxicating in it’s intensity. It was happening, all over again. Even when she had good days, had good dreams, had good thoughts, the battle never left her. It owned her. It was squatting on her stomach and wrapping it’s fingers around her neck, pressing tight enough to leave a bruise and turn her face blue, saliva flecked with blood dripping from its venomous fangs, melting holes in her cheeks, dissolving her jaw - 

“Adora!”

Catra leaned over the edge of the bed, devastated, reaching out towards her girlfriend. She wanted to offer her love, her consolations, her apologies, but Adora knew that the only thing Catra would be able to offer her right now was fear, torture, atrocities. She was sinking through the floor and reuniting with her panic-stricken organs and Catra was getting farther and farther away, inky tendrils encroaching on her vision, thousands of grasping hands pulling her away from the one she loved, the one she was supposed to love, the one she was meant to love, the one she - 

Catra grabbed her wrist.

The screech that tore out of Adora’s throat shredded her vocal cords. Catra relinquished her grip and leapt backwards in astonishment, ears flattened against her head in shock. The hero felt all of her nerves and muscles and organs snap back into place, and she surged upwards, roaring like a mighty wave against the shore, frothing around shale and coral. With no awareness of her actions, she bolted to the bathroom, struggling with the door, her knees jiggling like jelly. Once she finally launched herself inside, she slammed the door shut, locked it without thinking, and collapsed against the frame, sliding down to sit on the tiled floor. She was breathing much too fast, much too shallow, her entire body shivering.

Oh, it hurt so bad.

Her scars, her heart, her head.

She didn’t know when she started sobbing, but she had no idea how to stop. Her tears were endless. Her pain was endless. 

She felt the door rumble in it’s frame, and she knew instinctively that Catra was on the other side, sitting with her back against it in the same position she was in now. The inches of wood between them may as well have been a steep gorge, a raging river made strong by storms. She had never felt this far away from Catra, even when she was in outer space, thousands of miles away. 

There was silence except for broken weeping. Eventually, Adora exhausted herself, her sobs turning into pathetic sniffling, her eyes finally dry and red.

It was only then that Catra spoke up.

“I’m sorry, it… It was the scars, wasn’t it?” She sounded pathetic. Defeated. Ashamed.

Adora took her time answering her, trying to swallow past the bubble in her throat. “It hurts so bad, Catra. It hurts so bad.” 

“I’m sorry, Adora.” The magicat’s voice cracked, tearing Adora’s heart even further in two. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry - I…” It was her turn to break down now, bawling into her hands. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am, I didn’t mean it. I loved you, Adora. I love you. I would never hurt you ever again. You know that, right?”

Adora’s head was pounding. She wanted to sleep for weeks. She didn’t want to wake up, ever again. “I know, Catra. I know. I know, I know, I know, I’m sorry - “

“What are you apologizing for?” Catra laughed, incredulously, through her tears. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault.”

“But… I’m hurting you.” Adora squeezed her arms so tightly she knew she would leave indentations.

“But I hurt you first.”

Neither said anything for a while. And then - 

“Will it ever stop hurting, Catra? Will… Will _we_ ever stop hurting each other?” 

“I don’t know, Adora. I don’t know.”


	2. Chapter 2

Catra was a lot more cautious after that night. She’d squeeze her girlfriend’s hands, or rub her shoulders, maybe even dare to slip an arm low around her waist, but every time she found herself close to placing a reassuring hand against her back, she’d jerk her arm back as though she’d been burnt. As though the inferno of shame and suffering suffusing Adora’s spine was tangible and scalding, smoke spiraling from her charred flesh.

Adora hated it.

She hated feeling fragile. She hated seeing her partner flinch away from her as though she was struck, as though she were the one hurt. And at the same time, a dark part of her reveled in it. The part of her that was beyond hurt, beyond comfort. The part of her that wanted revenge, retribution. The part of her that kept her awake for so many nights after they closed the portal, after Angella sacrificed herself. So many nights of her and Bow taking turns holding Glimmer in their arms, as the far-too-young queen weeped, her tears soaking their nightshirts. So many nights of her staring at the ceiling, her eyes bloodshot and refusing to shut, as she whispered in her head over and over - _One day you will ache the way I ache._

Now Catra was aching and it was all wrong. She didn’t want this. 

How could she ever have wanted this?

\---

It was no surprise to either woman when the nightmares started. Neither were strangers to bad dreams. They’d been plagued by them since they were kids. But these… These were different. Before, their nightmares were absurd, but at least made sense. Being chased, falling through the sky, Shadow Weaver’s hand stroking their face. Lots of running, and screaming, and bleeding. 

These new ones were incomprehensible in their depravity. There were no images or sounds, beyond a low droning noise, slowly gathering in intensity, until it rattled Adora’s bones. There was just a dark, endless expanse, throbbing in time with her staggered heartbeat. An obsidian ocean swallowed her, toxic tendrils twirling around her wrists and ankles. A noxious tentacle looped around her throat, putting just enough pressure for her breathing to decay. Her feet were lead anchors, grounding her to a rusted seabed of corrugated metal and poisonous seaweed. She was fixed in place, but moving in circles, head swimming with ruinous thoughts that threatened to tear her apart at the seams, ricocheting in her skull, a black hole that sucked her in like quicksand. Her body was turned inside out, polluted air smearing her gore. 

It was then, and only then, that she would allow herself to feel fear.

She never remembered the moment she woke up. Consciousness only visited her once Catra was already curled around her, her tail stroking up and down her arm, her raspy purring replacing the monotonous droning in her ears. Catra was usually the little spoon, her traitorous hands as far from Adora’s back as possible while still being able to cuddle, but she was quick to flip herself around when her girlfriend would wake up writhing and wailing. She’d cling to her, touching wherever she could reach, except for those damned scars, those treacherous ripples of -

After the third night, Catra started having nightmares, too.

Adora wondered, did she feel the same things she did? Did she, too, drown in an ocean of self-hatred? Did she feel herself being swallowed whole by a trauma so terrible and ravenous that she had no hope of clawing her way free? Did she feel the weight of a thousand universes crashing into her, crushing her into gristle and stardust? Did she feel her guts being rearranged like tectonic plates, creating fissures that shattered her skeleton? Did she feel the void calling her, screaming at her, mouth open wide, teeth glistening like monsoon-soaked stalactites, it’s cavernous maw closing around her? 

Adora wanted to ask.

But she was afraid of the answer.

\---

Adora was exhausted. Even when she was on her feet day and night, working to bring Glimmer home from Horde Prime, she hadn’t been this tired. It was a fatigue that had progressed past the need for sleep; even if she slept for weeks, she knew that she would be just as tired when she woke up as she had been when she had fallen asleep. Weariness clung to her like a wet blanket, the bags under her eyes heavier than boulders. She knew Catra was feeling drained, too; her eyes that were usually so bright and mischievous were dull and muted, and her shoulders sagged towards the ground as though being pulled by invisible chains.

They were usually too unwell to spend time with their friends, but Glimmer and Bow could only take “no” so many times in a row before they started to get suspicious, and the last thing Adora wanted was for them to worry, or pry into their relationship. So the couple agreed to have lunch with the Best Friend Squad, thinking they could handle an hour of light banter and pretending to eat their food.

The warrior was surprised to realize she was enjoying herself. Despite her exhaustion, a smile tugged at her lips as she pushed the last remnants of food around on her plate. Bow had recently met up with the Star Siblings again, and it was clear he was quite taken with Jewelstar, by the way his voice cracked like timber whenever Glimmer teased him about it. Catra was slowly becoming more and more like her old self as the conversation went on, one fang protruding over her bottom lip and the tip of her tail twitching with amusement.

“It turns out that Jewelstar had never seen fruit before! _Fruit!_ Can you believe it?” Bow gestured wildly with his hands, almost hitting a laughing Glimmer in the face. “So I took him and the others over to visit Perfuma, and we showed them her orchard. You should have seen the looks on their faces! I couldn’t even name all the fruit she had growing there! I made sure that the first one they tasted was starfruit, of course. It’s thematically appropriate!”

“What did they think of it?” Glimmer smiled at her oldest friend.

“Well, they thought it was weird. Strange texture, and they’ve never seen food in those colors before, right? But they each took a second bite and you could practically hear the gears turning in their heads. They ended up eating all of it, and then asking to try others! So we got them strawberries, blueberries, bananas, apples, oranges… I even got Jewelstar to try a lemon! He refused to eat anything else I gave him after that!” 

Adora laughed, and as Catra rubbed her thumb over the back of her hand and Glimmer turned her golden smile towards her, she felt as though storm clouds were leaving her head and a single, syrupy ray of sunlight was lighting up a patch of wildflowers deep inside her brain. A tingle of warmth spread outwards from her chest, and she swore she could feel herself glowing, like Glimmer after teleporting. It felt so good, she wanted to cry. 

It felt like home.

“So… Catra…” Glimmer started, her eyes twinkling. “What are the chances of you letting me give you a makeover one of these days? Just for fun? I did it for Adora, and she came out unscathed!” 

Catra snorted, rolling her eyes affectionately. “Oh please, sparkles. I’d rather see the whole world end than let you put makeup on my face.” 

The ray of sunlight disappeared as suddenly as it arrived. The storm clouds were back, thick and heavy with moisture and thunder. The flowers beneath her feet turned black and wilted before her eyes, the petals disintegrating into dust. 

_I won’t let you win! I’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen!_

“Adora? Are you okay?”

Three sets of eyes were on her, each filled with concern. Her skin itched beneath her clothes. The air that before had been pleasantly cool was now hot and sticky as summertime, the humidity causing sweat to bead on her forehead. Her stomach felt like it was boiling, steam rising to fog up her thoughts and cloud her vision. Her insides felt soupy, sloshing like salty seawater against a reef in a tropical storm. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m right here.” Catra’s hand closed around her wrist, and -

She lashed out, violently yanking her arm out of Catra’s grip, shocking her girlfriend into silence. She swung too hard, and the momentum pulled Adora out of her seat, toppling her to the ground in a heap. She was on her back, once again, the shredded skin screeching at the unexpected pressure, begging to split open for everyone to see. She knew, logically, that the wounds have long since been fully healed, but all she could picture was herself laying in a pool of her own blood, a dark crimson that was more of a sludge than a fluid. 

Catra leaned over her, and bile climbed Adora’s throat. The right half of her face was cloaked in shadow, her blue eye now sunken and purple. A shimmering crack marred her face, crossing over her nose, trailing down her throat and torso, a viscous white light leaking from the fissure, dripping ichor. Her smile was crooked, her body was tense, her frame glitched, her heart snapped.

Adora ran. She made it five steps before she fell, banging up her elbow on the palace floor, but quickly recovered and rose to her feet. She heard her friends crying her name, their feet pounding against the tiles, but she couldn’t face them right now. She couldn’t even face herself. She didn’t know where she was going, the hallways as identical to each other as they were when she first arrived in Bright Moon, and every room looked the same. She ran and ran until she reached a dead end, and, refusing to turn back the way she came, she threw herself into the first open room she saw, landing painfully on the floor within, slamming the door shut behind her.

There was a large, empty bed, immaculately made, clearly a guest room. On jittery legs, she stumbled to the bed, and crawled in, pulling the white cotton blankets up to her chin. Only then did she allow herself to cry, not even bothering to try to keep any of it in. She was sure the entire castle could hear her weeping, could feel the weight of her heartbreak, could taste the salty tears on their tongues. She could barely recognize the almost-animalistic sobs as her own, the trauma of the last few years finally breaking free from its tiny cage and setting fire to everything she had worked to build in its place.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The curtains were closed, blocking out the midday moon, and she had no way to check the time even if she wanted to. She had a feeling that she could spend days in bed and still never run out of tears to cry. Every time she thought she was done, when she thought there wasn’t a single drop of moisture left in her body, when she thought the whirlwind of regret and shame and fear had retreated, she would open her eyes, and see Catra’s glitchy grin, and the waterworks would come once again, as stubborn and strong as She-Ra.

A knock at the door froze the warrior mid-gasp, stale breath leaving her lungs. 

“Adora?”

It was Glimmer. Of course it was Glimmer. Better than Catra, though.

She buried her face in the pillow she was hugging, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly that the tears burned them. “Go away.” Her voice was flimsy and pathetic, no more powerful than a twig against a sword.

“Adora, please. We’re worried about you. Can I come in?”

A feverish heat consumed her, one born of guilt and embarrassment. Nobody should ever have to see her like this. She didn’t ever want to see _herself_ like this. How humiliating. It happened years ago… she loved Catra, and Catra loved her, so… Why? She had ruined the day for everyone. It was going so well, and then Adora had to… be herself. She was too sensitive, she felt too much, and worst of all, she was hurting those she loved. Why couldn’t she keep her pain to herself? Why did she have to let it infect her friends? They had better things to do than worry about her. She knew that if she let Glimmer in, she would just drag her down too, engulfing her in the same misery and madness that made waking up every morning seem like a death sentence.

“Adora, I don’t want to do this, but I need to know that you’re okay. If you don’t unlock the door, I’ll teleport in if I have to.”

Adora cursed silently. Glimmer was just as stubborn as she was, and she knew there was no way she’d make it out of this situation without the queen seeing the wretched state she was in. Sniffling, she wiped her face with the backs of her hands, and cringed as she felt how blotchy and sore her cheeks were, and how puffy and red her eyes had grown. The sheets and pillow beneath her were drenched in snot. Gross. She flung the pillow to the side and grabbed a clean one, cradling it against her chest as she sat up against the headboard. 

Glimmer didn’t say anything else, but Adora knew she was still standing right outside the door, her boots firmly planted against the floor. She took a few shaky breaths, gathering her courage when she didn’t start blubbering again. “You… you can come in. Teleport in, I mean. I don’t want to move.”

As soon as the words had left her mouth, pink sparkles lit up the air, her dearest friend materializing in the center of the room. For the first time, Adora realized how much her companion had changed since they had saved the planet for (hopefully) the last time. Her purple hair still swooped over her forehead, but it had grown enough that it brushed against her shoulders, reminding the blonde bittersweetly of her late mother. She hadn’t grown much, if at all, but she stood taller, her shoulders squarer, and the royal robes that had previously seemed out-of-place on her body now fit her like a second skin. She had clearly matured into her role as queen, and there was something truly awe-inspiring about the way she held herself. It was almost enough to bring tears back to her swollen eyes.

Glimmer walked cautiously to the side of the bed, her eyes never leaving Adora’s face. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t have to. Slowly, sweetly, she sat beside the hero, letting her legs rest stretched out in front of her over the thick comforter. She placed a gloved hand over Adora’s, her touch as reassuring and light as the pastel feathers growing in on her back. Another hot bubble of shame floated between the blonde’s ribs, billowing against her heart, but she bit her lip and clamped down tight on the self-deprecating emotions. She kept her gaze straight ahead, knowing that she would break once again if she looked into the queen’s eyes.

There were a few minutes of silence, as Glimmer played with Adora’s fingers, rubbing her thumb along her knuckles. The action was comforting, and without meaning to, Adora found herself leaning closer and closer to her friend, until their shoulders touched. In response, Glimmer wrapped her arm around her waist, and the soldier gave in, letting her head droop into the crook of her neck, closing her eyes as she breathed in her cooling, lavender scent.

“Do you want to talk about it, ‘Dora?” Glimmer’s voice was quiet, and Adora could feel the vibrations rumble through her body like a gentle stream over smooth stones.

She took her time answering, closing her eyes and focusing on her heartbeat, on her trembling breathing. “No… I mean... Yes? Kind of? I don’t know, Glimmer. I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay. It’s okay to not know.” Glimmer’s hand left her waist and squeezed her shoulder, hoping to offer some much-needed comfort.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she admitted, licking her dry lips.

“Why not?”

“Nightmares.”

“Like when you first left the Horde?” For weeks after Adora entered Glimmer and Bow’s lives, she had been haunted by night terrors, sleeping with a knife under her pillow. The two friends had spent many nights with her, cuddling in a mess of limbs and blankets, until the warrior would fall asleep, finally at peace. 

“No… they’re different. Do you remember the battle?” She didn’t have to specify exactly what battle. She knew Glimmer understood.

“Yes.” 

“And the… scars?”

Glimmer’s hand slid up her shoulder to her hair, playing with the loose strands from her ponytail. “Of course, Adora.”

“One night…” She trailed off, anxious, but the warmth of her friend’s body encouraged her to continue. “One night, Catra, she touched my scars. And, um… I remembered everything. Like it was happening, all over again. I was so scared, and it hurt, and… Catra hurt, too. She didn’t mean it, you know that? She didn’t. I love her and she loves me so why does it hurt? It was so long ago.” 

Glimmer pressed herself even closer to the hero. “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. Stuff like that, it stays with you. You can’t blame yourself for that.” 

“I don’t want it to stay with me, though. I want to get better.” A single tear trickled down her cheek, unbidden.

“It will get better, I promise.” Glimmer held her tighter. “I don’t think it will go away forever. It might always be there. But it won’t hurt. Not like this.” The queen took a shuddering breath, and Adora’s heart jolted at the realization that she was crying, too. “You have to be kind to yourself, Adora. You and Catra love each other, it’s obvious. I know how deeply you two care for one another. But that doesn’t erase the past, or invalidate what you’ve been through. It’s not healthy to pretend that none of this has ever happened.” 

The blonde hiccuped, wiping her eyes. “I know, I know. And then today, while we were eating, she said…” She sniffled miserably. “She said that she’d rather see the whole world end than…than…” She laughed, the vocalization raw and humorless. “It was so stupid, just a joke, you know? But she said the same thing to me, in the portal. After you and Bow left, she said she’d end the entire world if it meant she didn’t have to see me happy.” She was sobbing again, burying her face in her hands.

Glimmer didn’t say anything, just stroked her hair, quietly rocking them back and forth. Her arms fully encircled her, her cheek pressed against her own. Both their faces were wet, both their lips wobbled. They swayed together for a long, tender moment, soaking up each other’s presence.

“Adora.” Glimmer’s voice cracked on her name. “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The apology tumbled out of her mouth without warning.

“Sorry for what?” Glimmer tilted her chin, forcing her to meet her glistening lavender eyes.

“I’m sorry for making you cry.” 

“Oh, Adora.” The queen buried her face in her chest, her ear placed over her heart. She wondered if she could hear how loud and burdensome her pulse was. “You don’t have to apologize for that. I love you. I want to be here for you. And so do Bow, and Catra. We love you.”

Adora felt dizzy. This was all too much. Everything… was too much. 

Another knock at the door caused her heart to skip a beat. 

“Adora? Glimmer? Are you in there?” It was Bow. 

Lifting her head and wiping her eyes, Glimmer answered him. “Yes. We’re in here. Everything’s okay. Where’s Catra?”

Bow paused for a moment, and Adora knew he was debating whether to believe Glimmer or not; it was obvious in her voice that she had been crying. His answer was relieved, but still nervous. “Catra’s in the foyer. She’s doing alright. I’ll let her know you’re both okay. Are you sure you two don’t need anything?” 

Glimmer and Adora exchanged a look, before the queen answered “No, we’re good. We’ll be out soon. Tell Catra not to worry.” 

Bow left without a reply, his footsteps receding down the hallway.

“I should go back to her and apologize.” Adora knew she should move, but couldn’t find the energy.

“Take your time. You don’t have to go until you’re ready.”

“She’ll be mad at me.”

“No, she won’t.” Glimmer’s words were gentle yet firm. “She wasn’t mad at you. Confused, but not mad. She wants to help you, to understand what you’re feeling. The only reason she didn’t seek you out herself was because she was afraid she hurt you, and she’d make things worse.”

_She did hurt me._

“I’m scared to talk to her. I don’t want her to hate herself.”

“She doesn’t want you to hate yourself, either.” Glimmer laced their fingers together again. “Would it help if I was in the room with you two? Or somebody else, if you don’t want me. Bow would sit in. Or another friend?”

As tempting as the suggestion was, Adora was hesitant to take it. “I think we’ll be fine. Just me and her. Once I’m ready.”

“Of course. Only when you’re ready.”

Her tears finally depleted, Adora laid down on her back, resting her head in Glimmer’s lap as the queen played with her hair once again. She closed her eyes, and even though she had no intentions of falling asleep, slumber crept up on her slowly but surely. Before she gave in, she felt Glimmer kiss her forehead, the gentle touch following her down into the dark. 

“Sleep well, Adora.”

To Adora’s surprise, she did.

\---

When she woke up, it was well into the evening hours. Glimmer was fast asleep herself, her snores barely audible as she leaned back against the pillows. Carefully, Adora sat up, moving the queen’s hands out of her hair. Glimmer mumbled something in her slumber, then resumed snoring. 

“Good night, Glim. Thank you.”

She shut the door quietly behind her, blinking her eyes rapidly to adjust to the hallway lights after the comfortable darkness of the guest room. It only took her a moment to get her bearings; while she was too confused and distracted earlier to notice where she was going, she now knew exactly what wing of the castle she was in, and the fastest way to return to the foyer, where Catra was presumably still waiting.

It was a short walk, but it may as well have been a marathon, for how long it felt that she was alone with just her thoughts and echoing footsteps. What was she supposed to say to her girlfriend? She would apologize, of course. But what else? She didn’t want to blame Catra for what happened. She couldn’t bear to make her lover feel guilty for things she didn’t mean. Well… maybe she did mean them, at the time. But she didn’t mean them anymore! And that was all that mattered, right? The past was the past, even if it steadily ate away at Adora like moss on a log. The future was what was important. And she and Catra - they had a future together. She had seen it.

So, no, she didn’t want Catra to feel guilty for what she did or didn’t do, or what she meant or didn’t mean. But… it wasn’t her own fault, either. She had thought about it over and over again, and she decided she wasn’t being too sensitive. She… she had trauma. She was traumatized. Yes. And she could no longer blame herself for what she had been through, no matter how badly she wanted to.

But - if it wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t Catra’s fault, then… It had to be someone’s fault, didn’t it? If there was no one to blame, what could she possibly do with all this anger and hurt festering inside of her? What would she do if she didn’t have a target? 

It wasn’t fair.

Catra was laying on one of the couches. At first, Adora thought she was asleep, but then she noticed her tail flicking agitatedly. She took a deep breath, willing her soul to settle and her heart to still enough for her to avoid another onslaught of tears, before taking a hesitant step forward.

“Catra?” Her voice was surprisingly calm, like the steady swell of the unbroken ocean surface. But also just like that ocean, it did little to bely the miles of despondent depths churning below.

The magicat was startled, her eyes snapping open as she was jolted out of her thoughts, but she regained her composure quickly. She lifted herself into a seated position, crossing her legs on the sofa as she wordlessly patted the cushion next to her. 

Adora took the invitation, walking weakly towards the couch like a newborn foal, her legs barely able to support her weight, feeling foreign and clunky. She slowly sank into her seat. Catra’s arm was around her immediately, the touch somehow uncomfortable but welcoming at the same time. The warrior closed her eyes and let her head rest against her oldest friend’s bony shoulder, the soft fur tickling her nose. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Catra said the words so quietly, so defeatedly, that Adora almost didn’t hear them. She let the admission bounce around in her head for a few moments, absorbing their impact, before responding. “I know, Catra. I know. And it’s okay. I’m sorry, too.”

“No, Adora. It’s not okay.” Each syllable was weighed down with a lifetime of remorse. “What I did… that wasn’t okay. It might _never_ be okay.”

Adora’s heart did a cartwheel, her veins and arteries tangling like vines. A black hole formed deep in her belly, an emptiness so overwhelming she was sure it would swallow her whole from the inside out. “No, don’t say that. That’s not true.”

Catra’s claws flexed into her shoulder, ripping the material of her shirt, but not breaking her skin. “Adora… I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. And that will never change. But maybe…” She looked away, a fang poking out over her lip as her eyes glazed over with remembrance. “Maybe we aren’t good for each other.”

That calm, unbroken ocean surface from earlier splintered and Adora found herself being sucked underwater, the sights and sounds of the present becoming distorted and foggy, refracted off of the waves. The water was dark, dense, desolate. More black than blue. She felt coral against her back, their edges sharper than glass, tearing through her insignificant flesh. She opened her mouth to scream, but no words came out, only despairing bubbles, as salt filled her lungs, closed her throat - 

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Catra.” The words came out choppy and twisted, the syllables snagging on her teeth. 

The magicat’s laugh was bitter and devoid of humor. “We both know that’s not true. I could have been the best thing that ever happened to you. But… I fucked that up, big time. I hurt you. And I can apologize every minute of every day, but it won’t change the past.”

“It can change the future, though.” Adora could feel her lips and tongue moving, but her voice sounded like it was coming from someone else’s mouth. 

“It might be a bit too late for that, love.” A sorrowful smile.

_Catra, her unkempt hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her gloved hand held out to Adora, waiting for her to take it. Dressed in white and gold._

“No, it’s not. I - I saw a vision, in the heart. I didn’t tell you about it, but… it showed me. I don’t know how but it showed me the future, and it was us.”

Catra tensed. “What about us?” Her inquiry was cautious, but the tiniest sparks of hope dazzled on the words like dewdrops.

“We… We were getting married.” Adora laughed; it was more of a bark than a laugh really, sharp and sudden and far too loud. “I was in a gorgeous dress, and you, you were - “

“No.” Catra cut her off, surprising the blonde. “I don’t want to know, I don’t want to… I can’t, Adora.” She was crying now, tears and snot coursing down her cheeks. “You don’t know how badly I want that, but… I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to stop hurting you.”

Adora crushed Catra in a back-breaking embrace, burying her own face in her girlfriend’s neck. “It’s okay. We can make this work. What I saw can still happen, we just… we just have to get there. We _can_ get there. I love you, Catra. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can make this work. I promise. _Please.”_

Catra sniffled loudly, pathetically. “I love you, Adora.” She sighed, her body convulsing as she exhaled. “We can make this work. I don’t want to lose you. I want to be with you, always. You’re the only person I could ever love. So… we’ll make things work. I promise.”

They held each other until the morning moon came up, the weight of a promise they both knew they couldn’t keep hanging heavy around their shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be much longer (8k words) so look forward to it! Thank you for the support so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for everyone who has left kind comments and offered suggestions for this fic's future! Special thanks especially to [Say_Anything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_Anything/pseuds/Say_Anything) for helping me make this chapter this best it could possibly be (as well as doubling the word count). Please check out her fic [Heart of Courage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24747562/chapters/59831002) if you get a chance!

Adora didn’t wear dresses very often. They were oddly comfortable, but they made her feel vulnerable and exposed. She doubted a physical altercation would be happening this afternoon, but she had been considerably more vigilant and on-edge than usual, her eyes flitting back and forth on potential threats. It was hard to let her guard down when the scars spiraling up and down her legs and arms were on full display. She wouldn’t have minded, if it weren’t for the pity and sympathy in everyone’s faces when they eyed the dark tissue. She hated feeling like everyone was walking on eggshells around her. Especially Catra, who deliberated over every word she said to her girlfriend, who hesitated before every touch. Adora reminded herself and those around her that she wasn’t fragile, she wasn’t glass, but the truth was that she was constantly on the verge of breaking down. Everything was just too much.

But she would not let that ruin today. Not when Perfuma and Scorpia were on stage, draped in elegant white dresses that were woven with red and yellow flowers, lacing their hands and claws together as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Perfuma, I love you. I love you so much I want to scream it from the top of the tallest mountain in all of Etheria. I want everyone in the universe to know how proudly I hold you, and how honored and privileged I am to both love and be loved by you.”

Adora felt a sharp pang in her heart. She loved Catra with all her being, and she, too, wanted the entire world to know how much she cared for her girlfriend…. Usually. Because some days, some dark and dull and dreadful days, her love for the magicat wasn’t a source of pride. Sometimes, she felt like her love for her was less of a blessing and more of a curse, a malady that only caused heartsickness and misery. In those despairing moments, the fact that Catra loved her back was a detriment, not a godsend. If she didn’t love her back, they could both move on, and heal on their own terms. Instead, the thought of leaving her partner was unthinkable, unimaginable, even if it meant more suffering in the long run.

“It’s really weird to think that we were once fighting on opposite sides in a war. I mean, we weren’t supposed to even be friends, let alone lovers. But fate is funny that way, huh? Sometimes stars cross, and hearts align, and…”

Adora and Catra were on the same side, at first, but even then, she felt as though they were staring each other down from opposite sides of a battlefield, carefully dug trenches and barbed wire standing between them. Leaving the Horde only widened the gulf in their relationship; just thinking about it caused the scars on her back to hum with pain. It seemed like the universe was against them from the very beginning. Once they finally, thankfully, put the past behind them, the fissure dividing their souls closed so abruptly and forcefully that their spirits sloshed together, and their aches and sorrows became indistinguishable from one another. They were leagues apart and now they were sharing molecules, sharing breaths, and it felt as though fate was mocking them for ever thinking there could be a healthy in between.

“I just, I love you. I’m not good with words, you know? I have a lot to say, but no way of expressing it. But I’m trying, really hard, to show you.”

They both tried so hard. They really did. They went out of their way to do kind, thoughtful things for each other. Flowers fresh from the castle garden, handwritten love notes sealed with wax, a favorite meal already on the stove when the other got home. Every day, every single day, they tried so hard. They wanted actions to fill the spaces their words couldn’t reach. Yet, it wasn’t enough to take away the ache deep within their chests. It didn’t stop their nightmares, or the guilt, the regret, the trauma. Loving each other… it couldn’t cure this. 

“You’re my best friend, and you’re my soulmate. I didn’t believe in soulmates before I met you. I thought, well, it would be nice if they were real, but it’s just a myth, made to make heartbroken people, people like me, feel better about ourselves. Like, just hang on, someone’s out there, waiting for you!”

Was Catra her best friend? Of course she was! Well, there was Glimmer, and Bow, but… it wasn’t the same as with Catra. She could tell Catra everything. Or, maybe not everything, but the important things, surely. The things that mattered. Not these things she’s thinking right now, though. But that’s besides the point. And Catra was her soulmate. This she knew for a fact. The Heart had shown her, so there was no use trying to argue with it. Even when Catra had been fighting her, almost destroying the world just to spite her, she was waiting for Adora. And even when Adora had been fighting back with all she had, and giving up on Catra because she was so insufferable, beyond reason, she was waiting for her.... Right? No, that didn’t sound right. Was she… editing her own memories now? Was she forgetting the truth, the past, in order to create a happier future? Was this future really… better?

“But… there you were. You were waiting for me, and I was waiting for you, I just didn’t know it yet. My heart is a compass, and it’s always been pointed in your direction. Everything I do pulls me back to you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Everything she did pulled her back to Catra. Except, it was less of the gentle guidance of a compass and more the pulverizing pressure of gravity. She was a lonely moon, revolving an equally lonely planet, her surface covered in craters left by meteor showers and asteroid belts. She was as close as she could possibly get while still being held at a distance, the empty space between them as cold and unforgiving as the Kingdom of Snows. One day, she would either break free from her orbit, hurtling off into the unpredictable unknown, or she would collapse to the planet beneath her, blasting both bodies into celestial smithereens, their ashes scattered to the corners of the universe, the stars their only witnesses.

“You’re so kind, so intelligent, so passionate, so optimistic… and absolutely gorgeous.”

Catra was all of those things. She was kind, except for when she wasn’t. Most days, she was as sweet as the cotton candy she had at Thaymor, but sometimes, when her patience was wearing thin and Adora was more sensitive than usual, some of that snark and bite would pounce back into her voice. She always apologized, though. She was also intelligent; she wasn’t a born strategist, but it’s clear her time as force captain in the Horde gifted her with a crafty mind and keen observations. Passionate? Of course. Catra was always passionate, in everything she did. Whether it was ardent love or fervent hate, the magicat was overzealous in her emotions. Catra wasn’t the most optimistic, though, but who could blame her? She wasn’t Perfuma, who had a peaceful solution to everything. She couldn’t put it into words, but, gorgeous? Catra was all that, and more. She was radiant. Inescapable in her beauty. 

“I fall in love with you more and more every day, and that will never change.”

Catra was a bright blue sky, smeared with wispy clouds, and Adora was a skydiver falling in reverse, sinking deeper and deeper into that endless cerulean. That was what it meant, to fall in love, continuously. It didn’t always feel like love, though… it hurt more than love should hurt. Sometimes she was struck with vertigo, couldn’t remember which way was up, couldn’t remember if the sun was still out there. Limbs flailing, mind failing. Maybe it wasn’t love… But… whatever it was, she was feeling more and more of it every day. At the very least, she knew she couldn’t exist without it.

“I love every single part of you, and I will always be here to remind you of how important and incredible you are.”

There were parts of Catra she didn’t like. Was it wrong of her to think that? Some things, they still scared her. Still hurt her. She loved Catra despite all of them. She had thought that that was a brave, romantic notion, but now she was wondering if it wasn’t as sweet as it sounded. Would other people think that dating someone who threw you off multiple cliffs was romantic? There was this idea that love required angst, required some type of dark tension, twisted ideals. Did it matter if they loved each other before things went south? 

“I promise, Perfuma, you’re my everything, my universe, and I am going to cherish you until the end of time. I will always choose you, no matter what.”

Would she choose Catra again? If she knew what she knew now, would she still pick Catra? The thought made her lightheaded. She wants so badly to say yes. But deep down, she knows the answer is no. And that hurts her more than anything.

“I love you, and I can’t wait to call you my wife.”

She felt ill as a smattering of polite, but excited, applause broke out. Her guts were twisted up into some awful tangle of terror, as a feeling of extreme wrongness pervaded her. She was missing something. Something important. She has been, for a while. And she knew Catra couldn’t give her that something missing. That maybe, she was the one who took it from her in the first place. 

Catra noticed her discomfort, and squeezed her hand. She looked beautiful today, as always, wearing a tight-fitting suit that matched the reds and pinks of Adora’s own dress. She should have found her partner’s presence reassuring, but after the thinking she had just done, all it did was coil her insides even tighter. Like a serpent, swirling its scales, poised to strike…

Perfuma’s face was red as the dark roses threaded in her hair, and her voice, usually calm and mellow, was buzzing with unrestrained elation, the words dripping from her mouth like lavender nectar. “Scorpia, I love you. I felt a connection with you as soon as we met for the first time, without a battlefield dividing us. It was electric. I didn’t know what it was at first. I didn’t know that it was love. I just knew that it meant you would be important to me, and I would do anything to keep you safe, to put a smile on your face, to hear your angelic laugh. I fell in love with you, slowly, then all at once. And I vowed then and there that I wouldn’t let anything tear us apart...”

Perfuma continued talking, but Adora couldn’t hear any of it. She just saw her lips moving, her hands waving, her eyes shining. She was a thousand miles away, and it wasn’t until the couple kissed that she realized the ceremony was over. 

\---

Adora didn’t know where she was heading, but it didn’t matter. Even if her mind was mush and her heart unsteady, her strides were long and purposeful. Her legs had a destination of their own, and that was fine by her. Anywhere was better than here, surrounded by so many people, all of them celebrating something beautiful and… utterly unattainable. At least, unattainable for her.

Maybe she just wasn’t meant to be in love.

“Adora, wait up! Where are you going?” Catra was jogging to catch up to her; her suit made it hard to run, as evidenced by her awkward steps and the sweat on her brow. Her date pulled up alongside her, but she didn’t slow down at all.

“I just… I need some air, okay?”

Catra didn’t answer, but fell into step behind her. After avoiding several groups of mingling people she didn’t recognize, she made it to a quiet corner overlooking just one of Plumeria’s many gardens. The patch was filled with sunflowers nearly as tall as she was, their petals dense and fluffy. Resting her elbows on the wooden fence, she gulped down air like a drowning woman, but despite the afternoon breeze, it felt hot and stale and made her lungs ache.

Two clawed hands, far more delicate than they had any right to be, found their way to her shoulders, gently massaging her tense muscles. The nails scraped against her skin, but it wasn’t unpleasant, as the magicat worked out the knots in her upper back. As her fingers sank lower, though, Adora shook her head and leaned further forward, her body craning away from the ministrations. The last thing she needed was another panic attack because of those godforsaken scars. 

Catra seemed to understand, her hands coming to rest at her sides with a swish of fabric. “Is everything okay, Adora? I’m here.” 

The blonde inhaled deeply through her nose, and exhaled loudly, her body slowly responding to her breathing exercises and the tender massage. “I know, Catra. I know. I’m really sorry. It was, I was just - “

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, babe.” Catra gingerly spun her girlfriend around to make her face her mismatched eyes. “No need to apologize. It’s… a lot, isn’t it? A lot of people, a lot of emotions, I get it. I really do.” Adora could have sworn she saw teardrops glistening in her eyes, but before she could comment, she was pulled into a sweet, much-needed hug. 

Catra cared about her. That was all that mattered. Not how they fell in love, or whether she was her best friend or not, or the type of electricity that thrummed between them. All that mattered was that they loved each other, and it had to be enough. 

\---

They held each other for a few minutes, before walking back to the main seating, hand in hand. Not much had changed in the short time they had been gone; everyone was still mingling, taking commemorative photos, villagers revelling in the opportunity to rub elbows with royalty. A tall, muscular satyr walked past carrying a plate heaped high with cake and fruit; Catra’s walk slowed as she followed the food with her eyes.

Adora smirked mischievously. “Are you hungry, wildcat?”

Catra blinked out of her hunger-induced trance, meeting Adora’s eyes. “I’m starving, to be honest. It took me so long to get into this suit that I had to skip breakfast.” She nodded towards a line of people forming in front of several long tables. “I think food is over there. Do you want anything?”

While she knew she was hungry herself, and eating would be smart, her anxiety had unsettled her stomach enough that she was nervous about her chances of actually keeping the food down. “No, that’s okay. I’ll find us a seat though - they’re filling up fast.” Most of the round tables were surrounded by guests, and Adora knew that if Catra ate while standing up, she would inevitably spill half of her lunch.

“Are you sure? Not even dessert?” The concern in the magicat’s eyes made the warrior’s heart skip a beat. 

She squeezed her lover’s hand, relenting with a sigh. “If anything looks good, you can bring it back for me. But I can’t guarantee I’ll eat it.”

Nodding, Catra pecked Adora on the cheek, the kiss both casual and chaste. “Okay, love. I’ll see what I can find.” Then she was off, her tail swinging behind her.

Adora weaved between tables, keeping a lookout for any with two open seats. She didn’t make it more than a few yards before she heard someone calling her name.

“Hey, Adora! Over here!” 

She recognized Bow’s voice even over the distracting din of dozens of other voices. Her friend was standing beside his chair, waving his arms wildly to grab her attention. Although he wore a very regal-looking white and gold suit, it was unbuttoned over his stomach. Adora grinned; Bow really couldn’t go more than a couple hours without his midriff showing. Beside him sat Jewelstar, his curly pink hair pulled back into a ponytail, his own suit purple and red. Mermista and Seahawk sat across from the duo, sharing a single plate of food, offering kind smiles in her direction.

Bow practically threw himself into her arms once she crossed the floor, his embrace more than welcome. She hugged him back, almost lifting him off his feet, much to his panicked amusement. Before she could take her seat, Seahawk’s arms were around her now, and she laughed as she buried her face into his chest. Despite… well, everything about the theatrical arsonist, he cleaned up well, and for once he didn’t smell like smoke and seawater. 

“I’ve missed you so much, my dear! We have a lot to catch up on. Did you know I burnt another boat? This time it was an accident!”

Mermista rolled her eyes affectionately. “You were going to set the boat on fire regardless. It’s only an accident because it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to happen.” 

Adora fell into her seat, a rosy glow lighting up her cheeks and stroking a fire in her chest. She had spent so much time with Catra, or doing She-Ra stuff, or just moping, that she hadn’t been able to visit her friends as much as she would have liked. It was a shame, and while she might not be able to make up for those absent moments, she knew she would have plenty of future memories to make with them - today being the start.

“We can get to Seahawk’s latest shenanigans in a minute,” Bow began, “but first, Adora, I’m proud to announce that Jewelstar here is my boyfriend.” Bow’s smile threatened to split his face in half. Jewelstar blushed in embarrassment, but it didn’t stop him from beaming himself.

“Congratulations! I’m so happy for the two of you!” Adora’s joy was sincere; it had been clear  
over the past couple months that Bow had been enamored with the space adventurer, and he never wasted a single opportunity to talk about how intelligent or handsome he was. They made a perfect couple, complementing each other instead of contrasting, their enthusiasm and kind-heartedness an equal match. They’d be good for each other, and she hoped that Jewelstar knew just how special Bow was, and that he’d face her and Glimmer’s wrath if he ever hurt the boy.

A desperate thought struck her - when she and Catra announced they were dating, were her friends just as supportive? Were they honest when they congratulated her, or were their compliments and well wishes just a pretense? Were disgust and pity hiding behind every supportive word? Did they talk behind her back, saying that their relationship was doomed to fail, that Catra wasn’t good for her, that she wasn’t good for Catra, that this was just another mistake in a long line of mistakes that stretched back her entire lifetime? 

“Um, earth to Adora.” Mermista’s lazy drawl interrupted her panic-stricken thoughts. “You okay there, hero?” She said the word ‘hero’ affectionately, with only a hint of her usual teasing. Around the table, the others looked at her softly, worry written in their questioning eyes.

She cleared her throat, hoping she looked much more composed than she felt. “Yeah, uh, I’m fine. Just a bit tired, is all.”

Before anyone could call her out on her obvious lie, a large plate piled with food and two sets of cutlery clanged together as they were unceremoniously dropped onto the table. A very pleased Catra pulled out a chair beside Adora, resting her arm over the back of her seat. 

“I tried to pick out stuff you thought you might like, but honestly, all of the food looked good, so I got a little bit of everything. I don’t even know what half of this stuff is, but if it tastes as good as it smells, I’m already planning on getting seconds.” She looked up from her mouthwatering meal to gaze at each of her friends in turn. “Hey guys, long time no see. Are you all staying out of trouble?”

Bow chuckled. “That’s funny, considering you are the biggest troublemaker here.”

“I take offense to that!” Seahawk slammed his fist onto the table, rattling all the plates. “Have you forgotten about the exploits of your dear old Seahawk? I’ve been burning boats and ruining lives before this kitten was even weaned!” 

Jewelstar was confused. “Aren’t you two the same age?” 

“Irrelevant!”

Throughout the exchange, Mermista was quiet, her fork poking at a piece of meat on her plate. She chewed her lip sullenly, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Adora wasn’t very good at judging other people’s emotions - especially someone as seemingly unaffected as Mermista - but if she didn’t know better, the princess looked not just upset, but also… infuriated.

Catra smirked. “Whatever, Seahawk. One night, we’ll go out, just you and me, and see what kind of shenanigans we can get into.” She paused. “But absolutely _no_ singing.”

“None?” The man was taken aback. “Not even a little? Is it a crime to be jolly, and sing merry sea shanties?”

“As of right now, yes, it is. If you rhyme on the entire trip even once, I’m feeding you to the fishes. Do the crime, pay the time.”

Seahawk smirked, and while his voice was playful, the humorous twinkle in his eye was gone. “Oh? Is that true? Then where did you do your time, then?”

Mermista gripped her fork tighter, the plastic utensil twisting between her fingers. Her grip was the same grip that Adora kept on her sword - one forged from the strongest iron under the sun, yet loose enough to give her the freedom to swing deftly. Around someone’s neck, it would be enough to crush their windpipe, leaving inky bruises. She fidgeted in her seat, as far from comfortable as the Fright Zone was from Mystacor. 

If Catra noticed the change in atmosphere, she didn’t show it, snorting instead. “Oh, you know, here and there, a little bit of everywhere. Adora’s a good prison warden, I’ll give her that. She really knows how to treat a lady right.” She winked at her, and the blonde’s stomach did a belly flop, plummeting six feet into the ground. Stars dotted her vision.

At this point, Mermista had dropped her fork completely, and was now forming an empty fist. She was one of the strongest princesses in hand-to-hand combat - if she landed a punch, it would pop blood vessels and rattle bones. Her teeth were clenched, and if Adora was closer, she knew she would be able to hear them grinding together like gears in one of Entrapta’s machines, or maybe they would sound like the grating of tectonic plates, entire continents scraping past each other, forming mountains and valleys in their wake.

Bow laughed, but it was forced, faked, all of his previous cheer rapidly dissipating. “We’ve all done things we weren’t proud of, right? But we’re here, together, for a very important day in our friends lives. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

Catra waved her hand dismissively. “Sure, I guess you could say I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not really proud of. But you’re right. The past is the past. My villain days are long over.”

“The past is the past? Is that all you fucking have to say?”

Mermista was half out of her seat, both hands planted firmly on the table as she glared at the magicat, blue eyes blown wide with rage, mouth twisting into a bitter scowl. Adora had seen her angry before, but never like this. She was like a maelstrom, a force of nature, powerful enough to bend the wind and the seas to her will. Acid dripped from her words, strong enough to burn a hole through glass.

Catra’s ears flattened against her head in a surprising show of submission, her body curling in on itself like a brittle leaf. “I’m sorry, I know I can’t take back the things I’ve done, but - “

“You’re right, you _can’t_ take back the things you’ve done,” Mermista spat vehemently. “You may have fooled everyone else with your stupid charade, but not me.”

“What charade? What are you talking about?” A note of defensiveness was creeping into her words.

“Did you forget? Do you not even remember what you did to me? To my _people?!_ ” Seahawk tried to coax his girlfriend back into her seat, a reassuring hand placed against the small of her back, but she swatted him away. There was no calming her now; her voice was volcanic, her gaze icy.

Realization dawned in Catra’s eyes; Adora had never seen her partner so ashamed and guilt-ridden. She found her hand under the table, squeezing it tightly, but she didn’t respond. All of her attention was focused on the vitriolic royalty in front of her. “Mermista, I’m sorry… that was a mistake - “

“Killing hundreds of civilians was a _mistake?_ ” Mermista roared like a predator, like a lion guarding its territory, like a dragon protecting its hoard of gold. “Killing innocent children was a fucking _mistake?_ My kingdom - _my people_ \- were in shambles because of you! We still have bodies unaccounted for! We still have children seeking families and shelter! It’s going to take years to rebuild all of our infrastructure! Have you ever thought about how many lives you’ve ruined? How many lives you’ve needlessly _taken?”_

Adora wanted to jump to Catra’s defense; it was clear the former enemy was truly remorseful for her actions, and was doing everything she could to make up for those she had wronged during her time in the Horde. But… she could remember Mermista’s anguish as she overlooked Salineas from the peak Glimmer had teleported them to. The wordless cry as she fell to her knees, body shivering not from cold but from sorrow. Her fists pounding into the rocks beneath her over and over, until her knuckles were bruised and bloody. How she refused to budge from that spot for over an hour, Adora and Glimmer sitting beside her in silence, their own tears dropping to the ocean below.

An ocean that was strewn with broken dolls and wooden toys, taken from tiny hands in tiny cribs.

Adora loved Catra. But she couldn’t stand up for her. Not this time.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Compared to Mermista’s righteous fury, Catra’s voice was meek and barely audible. “I’m sorry. It was… it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done, and I don’t know if I’ll ever make up for it. People died. Children died. And it was all my fault, I… I was just, so angry at, well, at everyone, and - “

“Don’t you dare try to justify your actions to me. Everyone else might forgive you, but I can’t. I won’t. I don’t care if Hordak was brainwashing you, or if you just wanted revenge against your fucking girlfriend.” Adora winced. “Your actions have consequences, Catra. I’m sick of everyone acting like you’re some savior for switching sides when we wouldn’t have been in any of that mess at all if it weren’t for you.” Mermista stood up fully, towering over her companions. “I’m done here.” She whirled around and marched away, disappearing into a stunned crowd of onlookers. With a sad, apologetic smile, Seahawk picked up their plate and ran after her.

Silence reigned for a few minutes. Nobody said anything, because what was there to be said, after that? Adora didn’t relinquish her grip on Catra’s hand, but she didn’t offer any further reassurances to the woman either. Her anxious thoughts blended together into a whirlpool of dread, memories splashing against the walls of her skull, dissipating into foam. She couldn’t pick a single one out, all of them melding together into a mishmash of shapes and colors and heartache. She tasted copper, rust, blood, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. 

Bow broke the silence. His voice was completely bereft of his usual optimism. “I think Jewelstar and I are going to see if we can find his sisters. It was nice chatting. We’ll see you around, okay?” Jewelstar didn’t need to be told twice; he quickly stood up and gathered his belongings without a goodbye.

“I’m not hungry anymore, Adora.” Catra pushed the plate away from her, most of the food untouched. “Do you want any?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m okay.” Deep breath. “Catra, do you want to talk about this? About what she said?”

“No!” Catra snapped. “I don’t want to fucking talk about anything!” Adora flinched away as though she’d been hit. It might have been easier if she actually had hit her. Raked her claws down her face, blood blossoming from long, thin welts. It would have been easier to justify the pain, the heartbreak, the fear, that she felt from one single sentence. You could bandage physical wounds, you could take them to a healer, you could kiss them better. This trauma couldn’t be fixed so easily. It might not be able to be fixed at all.

Catra sighed, long and loud. “I’m sorry, Adora. I didn’t mean that. I just… Really don’t want to talk about it right now. Can we go somewhere else?”

Adora didn’t really think that it was alright for them to just brush this off, but she knew better than to push the issue, so they threw out their leftovers and melded with the crowd.

\---

Time passed. How much time, Adora wasn’t sure. It could have been minutes, or hours. But the sun was still high in the sky, and the party showed no signs of stopping. She and Catra had danced a couple times, but their hearts weren’t in it. Their rhythm was mechanical, their eyes never meeting. Just something to do, a way to waste time, until it was late enough they could leave without feeling guilty about it. Right now, they were standing a distance away from the main group of dancers, situated by the punch bowl. The punch was made with the finest berries in all of Plumeria, but even the overwhelming sweetness couldn’t get the awful, dry taste out of Adora’s mouth. She willed the sun to sink faster, so she could go back home, to her room, and she and Catra could pretend none of today had ever happened. 

“There you two are!” 

Adora yelped and almost spilled her drink as a pair of arms wrapped around her middle from behind, a face smooshed up against her back. 

Catra smirked, some of her usual mischievousness returning. “Don’t I get a hug too, Sparkles? Or do you only hug She-Ra?” 

Glimmer let go of Adora and launched herself at Catra, throwing her arms around the taller woman’s shoulders. She pulled the magicat’s face down enough to plant a kiss on one fuzzy cheek, before turning back to the warrior and lightly pecking her own cheek as well. Despite the tensions from just a few hours (minutes?) ago, the blonde found herself smiling. The sparkly queen was good at lifting the mood, without even trying. 

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen Perfuma or Scorpia yet! They’re right over there, with my dad.” She grabbed their free hands, walking backwards, dragging them along. “We’ve been wondering where you two have been all day! We missed you!”

Adora blushed; it wasn’t until then that it occurred to her that they were planning to leave the ceremony before actually congratulating the brides. Who were also two of her best friends. That would have been awkward, to say the least. Luckily, once they chatted, she and Catra could sneak off without feeling guilty. She turned to her girlfriend to give her a reassuring smile, but she was staring at her shoes, the fur on her arms and neck spiking up, the way they did when she was scared or angry. Her smile quickly evaporated into a frown. She desperately wanted to ask what was wrong, but there was no way she could do so in front of Glimmer.

“Look who I found!” Glimmer dropped their hands, turning around as she presented them proudly to the newlyweds and her father. Perfuma clapped her hands together in excitement, her freckled face flushed. Scorpia leapt at the couple, scooping one up in each of her strong arms. Adora hugged her back with all her might, but Catra just stood their limply, her ears and tail drooping. Scorpia didn’t seem to mind. Over the muscular woman’s shoulder, King Micah waved at the two in greeting.

“Oh, we’ve been searching all over for you!” Scorpia exclaimed. “I saw you in the seats during the vows, but I haven’t seen you since! Have you two been tearing up the dance floor, or what?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Have you had the punch or tried the cake? We even had tiny cakes made, just for Entrapta! I helped come up with some of the recipes myself!” She finally released the two from her grasp, letting them catch their much-needed breath.

“Everything was delicious!” Adora put as much enthusiasm into her response as possible, even though it was a lie, and she had only had the punch. “You all did a great job. Perfuma, you handled all the decorations, I bet?”

The slender woman nodded, her eyes sparkling. “Yes! I’ve had this planned for a long time, I spent hours and hours studying flower symbolism and color theory and geomancy! I wanted the energy flow to be just right, to be pleasing to the soul!” Adora didn’t know what any of that meant, but she complimented her all the same. 

Catra was still staring at her feet, her arms crossed, being stubbornly standoffish. Her body was tense like a coiled spring, like a taut bowstring. She was going to snap, and it wasn’t a matter of if, but when. Adora knew she had to defuse the situation as quickly as possible, but it was a bit difficult when she didn’t know why her girlfriend was so distraught. Sure, the day had been rough to say the least, but what was so bad about this particular situation?

She reached out to rub her shoulder through her suit jacket, but she stiffened instead of leaning into her touch, like she had expected. Biting her lip, she dropped her hand and let it hang in the air between them, awkwardly. She hoped that nobody else would notice something was off, and would just leave them be, but of course, she was wrong.

“Everything okay, wildcat?” Scorpia’s voice was so soft and sincere that she almost felt sick. While she didn’t know the true extent of Catra and Scorpia’s relationship when they were in the Horde without her, she knew they had been close. Or, well, as close as two people could be when one is as prickly as a thorn bush and the other as kind-hearted as a kitten. Then… things went south, as they so often did. They fought, and then they made up, and now they were here. The genuine worry and love in the taller woman’s words was proof that their relationship was better than it had ever been.

Catra didn’t answer, not in words. She just clenched her teeth, dug her claws a little deeper into her arms, twitched her tail miserably. Perfuma, Glimmer, and Micah all were glancing at them with eyes round with concern. Glimmer looked as though she was going to say something, but Adora rushed to beat her.

“It’s okay, just been a long day, everything’s fine!” The words left her mouth so quickly that they crashed into each other, slurring her syllables. “It’s also really hot, we’re both tired, we had to get up really early to prepare, so…” Throwing caution to the wind, she loosely wrapped an arm around Catra’s shoulders. She grunted, but didn’t push the blonde off of her, which Adora considered to be a success.

However, their friends didn’t back down; it was obvious something was going on, and they wanted to help. And in any other situation, Adora would gladly accept their assistance. But right now, Catra was a ticking time bomb, and she had no idea what to say or what to do to add seconds to the clock. Nobody here deserved to be caught up in the impending blast. 

Perfuma smiled kindly. “I understand, we didn’t expect it to be so humid when we picked this date. Catra, do you remember the physical and spiritual exercises I showed you to unclog your aura? When you two get home, it might help to practice some of them. Meditation is good for the soul.”

Catra broke her silence, but Adora really wished she hadn’t. “I’m not doing your stupid exercises.” It was a growl, vibrating deep within her chest. A bright red pang of anxiety flared in Adora’s head, right between her eyes. She desperately wanted to apologize for her date’s rude behavior, but the words were lodged in her throat, refusing to come out.

For their part, neither Perfuma nor Scorpia seemed too phased by her irritated response. Micah looked startled; even so, he decided it wasn’t his role to get involved. Glimmer’s eyes widened, but strangely enough, they were aimed at Adora, not Catra, as though she was more concerned about her reaction to the magicat’s insolence than whatever storm was brewing in Catra’s head.

“That’s okay, it’s not for everybody,” Perfuma soothed. When she wanted to, the princess could be as gentle as a field of wildflowers with heart-shaped petals. “I don’t take offense. There are other alternatives you could consider.”

“If you want, I could teleport you both back to the castle,” Glimmer offered timidly. “Then you wouldn’t have to walk back in this heat.”

“Yeah, no thanks. I don’t need your help.” Catra grimaced, a vulgar expression that Adora hadn’t seen her wear in what felt like ages. She noted how she had said ‘I’, not ‘we’. A simple swap of pronouns, but one that caused apprehension to bloom in her belly. “I need to be alone right now.” 

Before Catra could turn and walk away, Scorpia stepped in front of her, holding out a pincer in a placating gesture. “It’s okay, we’re your friends. I’m here for you. I mean, we’re all here for you, but especially me, because - “

Catra slapped her claw away, her long nails dinging against her red carapace. _“Stop.”_ She didn’t say it loudly, but she didn’t have to. She may as well have screamed it into their faces, for all the weight that was carried by one single word.

“Hey, we just want to help, Catra.” 

She shook her head violently, causing strands of spiky hair to come loose from her ponytail. She dragged her fingers down her face, claws leaving tiny red marks. _“WHY?_ Why do you care about me?” 

The dizzying intensity of the outburst left all of them breathless. The ground felt like it was giving away under Adora’s feet. She was unstable, directionless, lost in the cathartic torrent that was Catra’s release. Those words… they weren’t newly formed, or freshly thought. They were ancient. They had been locked up tight in the tombs of the magicat’s mind for a long, long time. Long enough to grow to decay into something rancid, venomous, putrid. She could taste the mold on each consonant, the dust on each vowel. 

“We care because we _love you._ ” She wasn’t sure who said those words. It could have been Scorpia, or Glimmer. Maybe it was herself. Maybe it was all of them, at once. 

“You shouldn’t, though.” Catra moved her hands to her hair, yanking out brown tufts. Tears shimmered in her eyes like iridescent lakes. Her lips were curled into a snarl.

“That’s not true. You’re one of our best friends, of course we love you!” This was from Scorpia. Her own eyes were watery. Despite her intimidating frame, she looked tiny, scared. A child before a hurricane. 

“But _why?”_ Catra’s anguish was almost unbearable. “Why? After everything I put all of you through, why? Scorpia, I hurt you! On purpose! Over and over again! Why would you ever forgive me?” 

Scorpia recoiled as though struck, bringing her pincer close to her chest as if she had burnt it on a hot stove. Perfuma was at her side in an instant, wrapping her arms around her wife’s middle, resting her cheek against her shoulder, while giving Catra a death stare, the usually serene depths of her dark eyes now baleful and grudging. 

She turned to Glimmer and a shocked Micah. “And you two, I… I killed Queen Angella. That was all me! I opened the portal! If it weren’t for me, she would still be here!”

Glimmer winced and looked away, her body stiffening from memories of long, sleepless nights and tear-soaked pillows. Micah, however, took a step forward, the rage emanating from him making him seem much taller than he actually was. She had never seen the kindly king so incensed before; even when she first met him, back on Beast Island, when years of deprivation had made him blunt and disheveled, he had never had such a crazed gleam in his eye.

For a moment she was afraid he was going to attack Catra, and that she would be helpless to stop him. Her feet were rooted to the ground, as though held in place by the monstrous vines on the island, sapping her energy. But she didn’t have to worry; Glimmer jumped in front of her father, boldly pressing her hands against his chest, standing between him and Catra. Micah didn’t even look down at his daughter; instead, he kept his gaze pinned on her girlfriend. Catra didn’t back down; she made eye contact with the enraged ruler, refusing to budge from her spot, as though daring him to push Glimmer out of his way, to let his fists pummel her face.

“If it weren’t for me, Horde Prime never would have came here in the first place! If it weren’t for me, then…”

Now she met Adora’s eyes. “If it weren’t for me, then you would be happy!” 

The scars on her back were scorching hot, the fabric of her dress sticking to them. Other scars, all over her body, lit up like fireworks. How many of her injuries were caused by Catra? She had so many scars, far too many to keep track of, no way to trace them back to their source. And those were just the visible ones. But even with all these reminders carved into her flesh and spirit, could she truly be happy with someone else? When every thought was of Catra, Catra, Catra? 

“That’s not true! I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you!” What she really meant was - ‘I’d rather be unhappy with you than be happy without you.’

“Don’t lie to me, Adora. Don’t lie to yourself.” Catra was sobbing now, with no warning at all. The tears had always been there, just waiting to be let out. Adora so badly wanted to reach out for her. To pull her close. Tuck her face into her chest. Make even more promises that she couldn’t keep. “I hurt you more than anyone else. Physically, emotionally… I loved you. I still love you, and I always will. But love isn’t always enough.” 

No. No, no, no. Love was always enough. Love solved everything. Love saved the world. Without love, what did she and Catra have left? 

Nothing. The answer was nothing. 

Catra continued, immune to or unaware of Adora’s inner turmoil. “Some bridges, once they’re burned, can never be rebuilt. We can’t just pretend the past never happened! It’s not fair to you, or to me, or… to any of us! Mermista was right earlier. I’ve changed, and I’m still changing, but it doesn’t mean any of you owe me forgiveness. And even if you all do forgive me… I can’t forgive myself.” She buried her face in her hands again, openly weeping.

“Catra, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay, we just need to sit down and talk about this, together.” Adora knew it wouldn’t be okay. But she didn’t know what else to say. A lie was all she had.

“No, Adora. It’s not okay. I’m not good for you. I need to let you go.”

Just when Adora thought she couldn’t break any further, she shattered. Emptiness claimed her, scooped out her insides, hollowed out her heart. 

“But, Catra! The future I saw in the Heart! Don’t you remember?” Tears spilled down her face freely. “We... We were _married._ We were happy. It’s going to be okay! We’ll get through this, together!”

“What does the Heart know? It’s just a stupid machine!” 

“It’s not just a machine! Catra, it’s fate! We have a future together! One where nothing hurts!”

“Fuck fate!” 

Adora was never a spiritual person, but those two words felt downright blasphemous. The feeling of wrongness that had been building in her core for the past few months consumed her completely, overloading her senses with a vicious static. She had never felt so cold, so lonely, even when she was in outer space, even when the weight of the universe was dragging her down into oblivion. The sky was earth, the ocean was fire, heaven was hell. 

“Some things just aren’t meant to be, Adora. I can’t keep hurting you. I need to leave. Don’t even think about following me.” Catra dropped to all fours, sprinting away, using her feline grace to put as much distance between her and the ones who loved her as possible.

“No! Please, please, come back here! I love you!” Adora staggered after her partner, her knees wobbling and threatening to give way. She felt a hand gently grasp her elbow, and another lightly rest on her shoulder. Glimmer and Scorpia were on either side of her, supporting her, murmuring meaningless, comforting words as they helped her stand upright. She watched Catra leave, until she was completely lost to the crowd of bewildered onlookers.

Things would never be okay again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I want to let everyone know I edited the tags for this fic, and from here on out, will try my best to warn of potential triggers for each specific chapter. I should have been doing that beforehand, and I apologize! 
> 
> Specific warnings: brief suicidal thoughts, violent/disturbing mental imagery, toxic/abusive relationship discussion

For a long time, Adora just held her head in her hands and cried. She was sure she was making a scene, and ruining Scorpia and Perfuma’s wedding, but all of her attempts at holding back her torrent of tears were about as successful as trying to drain the sea. There was no beginning or end to the flood, and she prayed that the newlyweds would forgive her for weeping so openly on their special day. She would just have to add it to the list of shit she’s ruined. 

She wasn’t alone - the hand reassuringly rubbing her back, the tissues and cups of water pushed into her lap, and the indistinct murmuring she heard between her sobs was testament to that. Yet she had never felt so abandoned, betrayed. The entire population of Etheria could be embracing her, lifting her above their heads, chanting her name, and she would still feel as though she was the only person on the planet. She felt like she was in the Whispering Woods at night, walking in circles, the stars above unfamiliar and unforgiving, every tree identical and mocking. Her map was shredded, her compass was erratic. Nothing to guide her, nothing to help her make senses of her gloomy surroundings. Further and further into the darkness she went, until she was swallowed whole by shadows, leaving behind no one to remember her, no one to lay flowers at her grave…

Catra was supposed to be her everything. It was a demanding task to ask of one person. But Catra could do it without even trying. Her very existence was all that Adora could ever need. A life without her… it was unimaginable. Unthinkable. The very idea was sacrilege. Like finding out the god you spent your entire life worshipping was fabricated and hollow-hearted. Even if Catra hurt her, she did it because she loved her. Adora would throw her broken body on the altar, again and again, offering her heart and soul and other such pitiful things, just to appease the goddess before her. But now her muse had rejected her, throwing her lifeless remains to the floor, tossing her halo on her desecrated corpse.

How do you keep moving forward when your life has lost all meaning? 

Part of her didn’t want to find out. A dark, inconsolable part of her wanted to give up, right then and there. Halt her heartbeat, stop her breathing, numb her senses, cease all thinking, slide headfirst into oblivion. Wouldn’t it be nice, to not feel anything anymore?

No. Enough was enough. She had to be strong. She was a hero; it was time to act like one.

The first thing Adora was aware of when she came back to her surroundings was that it was growing dark out. Night had yet to descend upon Plumeria, but it was well on its way, announcing it’s impending arrival with dusky skies and scattered stars, glittering dully on the horizon. She blinked her eyes a few times, waiting for her vision to clear, and was surprised to find that the crowd of people from the reception had vanished. With a start, she realized she wasn’t actually at the party - she was in a field a ways away, the lights and banners from the ceremony just visible in the distance. How did she get here? There was no way anyone carried her, and she couldn’t have walked…

“Hey.” 

The voice was soft as kitten fluff, but burdened with something Adora was too tired to comprehend. She knew that voice… 

The gloved hand that had been rubbing her back drifted to her knee, and recognition dawned on the warrior. _Glimmer. So that’s how I got here. She must have teleported me._

“Are you alright, Adora?” The queen shifted positions, moving to kneel in front of her, trying to look into her eyes. The tender sympathy Adora saw in them made her feel guilty. She had been out here, crying for who knows how long, while Glimmer, who definitely had way better things to do, played babysitter. 

“I’m okay. I’m sorry, Glim.” Hot shame dripped into her words.

“Don’t worry about it. We’re here for you.” We? It was then that Adora noticed a third person sitting to her right, who had been impressively quiet the entire time. She was slightly surprised to find it was Micah. Fatherly worry was written on his face, and once again her ears burned with embarrassment. He placed a soothing hand on her shoulder, holding her gently.

“Scorpia and Perfuma were here too, but they ended up having to go back. They wanted me to tell you that they love you, though.” Glimmer’s hand moved again, this time carefully claiming Adora’s. She pressed her thumb into her palm; the pressure felt good, and Adora unconsciously squeezed back. 

“It’s gonna be okay, kid,” Micah said softly. “It might hurt like hell, and it might feel like the end of the world, but it’s not.” 

It _did_ hurt like hell. It _did_ feel like the end of the world. It felt like watching Etheria being greedily gobbled up by a glitchy pathogen all over again. It felt like staring into a corrupted abyss and watching everything she cared about disappear into the crevice between reality and nothingness. The fissure was expanding, but she had nowhere to run to. Part of her was thankful about that. It meant no one could blame her if she gave up. She could surrender herself to the void, guilt-free. It couldn’t be helped, they’d say. She had no choice…

“You’re not alone, Adora.” Glimmer’s words pulled her from her dark thoughts. “There’s so many of us who love you, who care about you, and we want to help you, if you’ll let us.”

Adora felt dizzy, a kaleidoscope of names and faces sparking inside her mind. Glimmer, who believed in her when no one else did, her eyes twinkling like the stars overhead as she laughed on the floor of Adora’s room. Bow, who was always so patient and kind to her, his voice cracking as he told terrible puns. Micah, the father figure she never had, hugging her as though she was his own daughter as he told stories about his childhood. Scorpia, generous and loyal, singing songs around a campfire after a night of celebrating. Perfuma, wise and gentle, sharing exotic fruit with her just to see her reactions. Entrapta, awkward but caring, going out of her way to share her inventions with the hero. Mermista and Seahawk, two very conflicting but equally bold personalities, lifting her spirits whenever they could.

No. She _did_ have somewhere to run to. She wasn’t trapped. She had friends, a family, and they would _never_ give up on her. 

“We’ll get through this, I promise. We need you here. _I_ need you here.”

It was as if Adora was back in the heart, the failsafe’s programming interwoven with her own DNA again. She could feel the heart leeching the life from her, the lethal magic being overwritten with fragments of her soul. Her vision was fading, turning into a blurry mess of muted grays… but she could hear someone calling out her name, and this time, it wasn’t Catra. It was a smudge of purple, standing in a doorway, arm outstretched, face pleading. She reached out, fingers splayed, hands almost touching. The future vision that had been burning a hole in her skull for the past few months suddenly relented, the pressure disappearing, breath finally returning to her lungs. 

She took her hand.

“I’m here, Glimmer.” 

\---

Teleporting tickled. Kind of like an itch, but instead of on her skin, it was inside her body. 

Adora’s bedroom looked the same as always - neat, organized, minimalistic. Well, at least _her_ side of the bedroom. Catra’s half was as unkempt as her spiky hair, clothes and belongings strewn about, drawers half-opened, important documents from meetings she was supposed to read scattered everywhere. The sight induced a sharp pang in her chest that she tried her best to ignore. She didn’t know where Catra went, or when she’d come back, or hell, even _if_ she’d come back. So Adora decided not to think about it.

Glimmer gently guided the blonde to her side of the bed, pulling back the carefully folded blankets to give her space to sit. Adora gratefully sunk into the mattress, every muscle in her body screaming with exhaustion, both physically and mentally. She rested her hands on her knees, eyelids drooping. 

“Thanks, Glim. It means a lot, really.” She smiled weakly.

Glimmer’s face softened; although she was tired herself, it didn’t stop her hair from sparkling, or her eyes from lighting up like sunlight. “Of course.” She said the words like they were nothing. Like it was silly for Adora to ever presume there would be a time she wasn’t there for her. The warrior’s heart blossomed into a bouquet of blue roses. The queen was by her side no matter what, even when she didn’t deserve it. There was no way for her to properly thank her, to put her love for the woman into words, but she would have to try. 

“You don’t have to do any of this, but you did, and… and I really appreciate it. I love you, Glimmer. I’m really sorry for everything, I’ll find a way to make it up to you, I promise.” 

Glimmer sat down beside Adora, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I love you too, ‘Dora. You don’t have to apologize, or make it up to me… I don’t do this because I expect reciprocation, you know?” She buried her face in her shoulder. “I do it because I _want_ to. I _want_ to be here for you. It’s not out of obligation, it’s because you mean a lot to me. I care about you. We all do.” 

Adora didn’t know what to say, but Glimmer didn’t seem to mind her silence. They sat for a while, just hugging, Adora tucking Glimmer’s head underneath her chin. It was quiet, and for a few long moments, she could pretend the events from earlier didn’t happen. That they were a daydream, or something she read in a book. That they happened to someone else, happened to anyone but her.

“Do you…” Adora swallowed nervously, her mouth dry. “Do you think Catra and I are bad for each other?”

Glimmer didn’t answer right away. She bit her lip in thought, eyes glazed as she looked at something Adora couldn’t see. “I don’t think it’s as simple as being ‘bad’ or ‘good’ for each other. You love Catra, and Catra loves you. But sometimes, even when you both love each other, it still just… won’t work out. You can’t change the past, but you also can’t ignore it. The two of you will have to talk about it, and decide whether or not this is something you can work through. I just don’t want to see either of you hurting anymore.”

Adora knew she would be hurting either way. She would be miserable with Catra, or miserable without her. The only thing her future held now was pain. Her future…

“There’s something I have to tell you,” Adora choked out. “When I was in the Heart, it showed me a vision of the future. I don’t know how, or why, but it did. I was getting ready for a wedding. _My_ wedding. And you and Bow were there. And Catra… Catra was going to be my wife.” Her eyes stung with unshed tears. “Why would it show me that, if it’s not true?”

Adora’s heart constricted painfully. It felt like a rusty chain was looped around it, pulled tight by invisible hands, forcefully squeezing her blood through narrowed veins. Each heartbeat was loud, painful, and strained, the exact opposite of that butterfly wing fragile pulse she had back when she was so madly in love and so madly in denial. Back when being with Catra was freeing, and not imprisoning. Before reality got in the way, and the red string of fate connecting them became shackles, a leash yanking tight around their necks. 

“My mother, she…”, Glimmer started, before trailing off, the words laden with an emotional burden that Adora couldn’t fathom. She cleared her throat, and tried again, this time louder, more confident. “My mother always said that ‘what’s meant to be will always find a way.’ Every time something bad happened, every time I was disappointed or hurt, she would just give me this patient smile and say that. It used to drive me insane. I thought it was more of that meaningless bullshit that parents tell their kids to get them to stop crying. I never really believed in fate, or a higher power. I don’t think someone’s watching over us, or that our futures are written in the stars. 

“But…” She grabbed Adora’s hand, threading their fingers together. “The more that time passes, the more that I think that, maybe, my mom was right. Things never work out the way we expect them to, or the way we think they should. But sometimes, what we want, it just isn’t what we _need_. Some things were never meant to be, and other things were always our destiny. If you and Catra are meant to be together, it will happen, Adora. You’ll both find your way back to each other, and your love will be stronger than ever. And if not, you’ll find someone else who treats you the way you deserve, and your heart won’t ache any more. Either way, I know that, no matter what, you’ll get your happy ending.”

Adora didn’t think she had any tears left in her after her breakdown earlier that evening, but she was soon proven wrong as she sobbed wordlessly into Glimmer’s hair. 

\---

Adora didn’t know when she fell asleep, or when Glimmer left her room, but she did know that it was way too early for her to be waking up. The first rays of sunlight were leaking through the windows, warming her skin and dappling her blankets. Usually she enjoyed waking up at the crack of dawn, but after the events of the previous day, she knew she could very well sleep in until noon and still feel exhausted. She closed her eyes, rolling over to bury her face into her pillow, grumbling irritably. As tired as she was, she knew sleep was going to evade her, dancing just out of reach for the next several hours.

After a while, she managed to slip into a dreamless daze, her breathing evening out. She was sure she was drooling, but was too lethargic to care. All she wanted to do was to drift into oblivion for a bit longer, to avoid having to face the day, having to face Catra, having to face her friends… 

The slow, steady creak of the door opening told the blonde that it didn’t matter what she wanted - if she was planning to avoid trouble, then trouble would find her instead. Her body tensed, as she knew there was only one person who would enter her room without knocking (or teleporting in). The door clicked shut, and she bit down on her pillow, trying to ground herself, and stop her body from trembling. Her limbs seemed to fizzle with an electric current, static shivers coursing through her bones. Her fingertips tingled as she balled her hands into fists, gripping the sheets beneath her, her knuckles white. There was no way anyone would mistake her for being asleep, considering how jittery and strained she was, but she refused to roll over and confront her (former?) lover. Not yet, anyways.

After a moment that lasted an eternity (during which Catra was no doubt staring at her prone form, deciding whether or not to say anything), she heard soft, muted footsteps, traveling from the door to the other side of the bed. A drawer opened, with the unmistakable sound of wood scraping on wood, and Adora could hear her partner quietly rummaging through her belongings, pulling out and folding clothing, then letting them drop to the floor. She laid there uneasily, the tension churning her empty stomach, waiting, just waiting, for Catra to say something. To apologize. To say ‘I love you’. To berate her. To say _anything._

Adora couldn’t take this.

She lifted her head from the bed, begrudgingly rising to sit back on her knees. “Catra.” The name was sharp and thorny in her mouth, cutting up her tongue. It tasted bitter, like the green tea Glimmer sometimes drank, like the medicine Angella made her take when she had the flu. 

There was a pause in the magicat’s activities, the sudden silence foreboding and unwelcome. “Adora.” When Catra said her name, did it hurt her, too? Did it taste sour and acidic, eroding her teeth? Did it slice up her gums and the insides of her cheeks? 

Adora faced the other woman for the first time, and wasn’t surprised to find that she was even more disheveled and disorganized than usual. Her hair was loose, sticking out in all directions, and her eyes were sunken and bruised from lack of sleep. She was still wearing her undershirt and pants from her wedding tux, the fabric rumpled and stained. 

“Where were you? Where did you go?” There were a lot of questions Adora wanted to ask, but she figured that was a good enough place to start.

Catra looked at her feet, her arms crossed, face grumpy. “I ran into Huntara. She let me crash with her for the night.” 

Huntara? Of course she had been at the wedding - she had remained good friends with Perfuma, after all - but of all people, why would Huntara be the one to offer her solace?

Seconds passed as they stood together in awkward silence. Catra’s tail was the only movement from either of them, twitching in what could have been annoyance, or discomfort. Neither wanted to speak up and risk decimating the wary peace between them. Adora noticed that a duffel bag was sitting on the floor, the main pouch unzipped, fabric and tools sticking out of it. Was Catra leaving? No, she wouldn’t leave, not like this. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t. There was some other explanation…

“Why are you packing?” Her words were choppy, like waves on a beach.

Catra fidgeted nervously with her hands, her tail now lashing back and forth in the air. She looked ashamed. Disappointed in herself. “I… I’m going to the Crimson Waste.”

“No.” Adora nearly gasped at how quickly the word burst from her lips, without meaning to. She rarely said no to Catra, but this was… this was different. “I… I mean, you can go, obviously, but Catra, we have to talk about what happened first.” She really _didn’t_ want to talk about what happened - her insides were dissolving at the very thought - but she knew that they had to. 

Catra bit her lip, a drop of blood beading around her fang. Her shoulders were trembling. She was scared. Was she scared of Adora? Or of herself? “We don’t have time. I’m going with Huntara, and she’s leaving in less than an hour.” 

Fury and disappointment warred inside the soldier’s mind. She was mad that Catra would agree to leave without even talking to her, especially after what had just happened. But she was also angry at herself - because _she_ had driven her partner away. If she was good enough, Catra wouldn’t leave. She wouldn’t worry about whether she hurt Adora, or made her unhappy. If Adora was truly deserving of her love, the woman would have crawled into bed while she was still sleeping, scooping her up into her arms, planting kisses on her eyes and cheeks, apologizing over and over…

No. She couldn’t allow herself to think like that. Catra made her decisions, and they would both live with the consequences. 

“Do you have to go?” Adora hated how pathetic she sounded when she spoke. She sounded like a child begging their parents not to leave them alone. Like she depended on Catra more than Catra ever depended on her. 

Catra finally made eye contact with her. She was on the verge of tears, her mismatched eyes shimmering. “I have to go, Adora. I really, really have to go.” 

She wanted to be mad, but it was hard when her lover looked so miserable. All the anger eating away at her slowly subsided, leaving behind regret and self-deprecation in its wake. Maybe Catra leaving was a good thing. They’d both have a couple days to cool off, to think rationally. Then they could talk openly and honestly, laying their hearts bare for the other to see.

“How long will you be gone? Two days? Three?”

Catra was crying. Despite her tears, she looked so calm, like she had accepted her fate. Like she had made her peace with what was about to happen. Like she was standing with her back to a cliff, her arms spread wide, leaning backwards, smiling…

“I don’t think I’m coming back.”

She must have misheard her. There’s no way. “Catra, what are you saying?”

“I’m not coming back. I can’t come back.” She sobbed noisily. “I… I’ve fucked too many things up. I need to start over.” 

The anger she felt from earlier flooded back into her body in a rush, turning her soul white hot. Magma erupted behind her eyes, and plumes of smoke blackened her skull. Molten glass carved up her cartilage, smog filling her lungs. Acid rain from ashen storm clouds wilted the last of the loving violets flowering in her stomach. 

“‘Start over’? This isn’t a game, Catra!” The words were charred from her wrath, flakes of coal falling from every syllable. “You can’t just pack up and run away whenever things get too real! I finally stayed for you, and now you’re just… leaving? How can you be so _selfish?”_

“I’m doing this _for you!”_ Catra roared in return. “I’m doing something good for once in my fucking life! I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to accept!” 

“How does this _help_ me?” Adora shouted. Venom flecked her lips. “You can’t just - just, fucking break up with me at a friends wedding and leave the very next morning! In what world is that a _good thing?”_

“I’m not going to hurt you anymore, Adora!” 

“And this _doesn’t_ hurt?!” 

“What do you want me to say?” Catra’s voice was suddenly quiet, the stark contrast leaving Adora breathless. “That I’m sorry? Because I am, Adora. I love you. I always have, and part of me always will. But we can’t keep doing this! It’s not healthy, and it’s not okay. How can I expect you, or anyone else, to forgive me, when I can’t even forgive myself?” 

“But I _do_ forgive you, Catra,” Adora pleaded, desperate. 

“No, you don’t.”

She was right. She didn’t.

Adora dropped her head to her chest, her own tears dripping down her face. It was impossible to describe the loneliness, the emptiness, clawing at her ribcage. She had never felt so vulnerable, so weak, so pathetic. Each feeble attempt to patch things up with her lover felt like banging on the locked lid of her own coffin. She was submerged beneath the earth, dirt slipping through the cracks in the wood, entering her mouth and eyes and nose. It was beyond useless, beyond hopeless. She would suffocate on stale air, or on stagnant soil, one way or another.

Adora felt the mattress dip beside her; Catra was perching on the edge, just far enough away from her to make the distance awkward and uncomfortable. She kept her gaze trained on her hands in her lap, refusing to glance at the woman who broke her heart.

“I’m sorry,” Catra said. Her voice was broken, fluttering feebly, the flight of a bird with fractured wings. “I’m sorry for everything. Not just for yesterday, but from the very beginning.” 

She swallowed thickly before continuing. “I’m sorry for not leaving, and I’m sorry for blaming you. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize Shadow Weaver was hurting you, too. I’m sorry for injuring you at Bright Moon. I’m sorry for pitting you against your friends. I’m sorry for opening the Portal, for all those awful, fucked up things I said… I’m sorry for being selfish, and I’m sorry for forcing you to stay.”

“I know,” Adora said, her shoulders shaking from her shattered sobs. “I know you’re sorry, but, Catra, you never forced me to do anything. I chose you, in the Heart. I chose to stay with you, and I hurt you, too. I’m sorry I left the way I did. I’m sorry I left for them, and not for you. I’m sorry that… we were both abused, and, we just…” She paused to sniffle, to catch her breath. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been there for you. I should have been there for you.”

“ _I_ should have been there for _you.”_ Catra laughed harshly. It was like nails on a chalkboard, dripping with disappointment. 

“I guess we both messed up, didn’t we?” Adora wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Her eyes stung, her vision blurring from the cathartic release.

“Yeah. Yeah, we did.” 

Silence settled on them like a blanket of snow. It was a comfortable weight, cooling and cleansing, the pristine peace only interrupted by the occasional exhale or the shifting of sheets. Adora could have sat there forever, letting herself succumb to the once-in-a-lifetime tranquility that only followed the darkest of tragedies.

“I have to go.” Catra’s words were without inflection, plain and empty.

“Are you sure?” Adora asked timidly. 

“Yes. I have to do this. I need to find myself. Huntara’s gonna help me. I need to learn to love myself, and the person I’m going to be.”

“I understand.” Adora did understand. She hated it, but she understood. 

“I’ll be back one day, I promise.” The conviction in Catra’s words almost startled the warrior. “I’m not leaving. This isn’t goodbye, Adora.” 

Catra stood up, moving to stand in front of the blonde. She gently grabbed both her hands, holding them to her chest. Adora met her eyes, let herself drown in the depths she found there. “I love you. I always have, and I always will. That will never change. Maybe… in another world…”

_In another world, where the Heart was right. Where Catra was waiting for her, arm outstretched, a gorgeous smile lighting up her face, a constellation of freckles on her cheeks. Dressed in white and gold and pink._

“I love you too, Catra. Always.” 

This kiss was different. There were no sparks, no flames. No comfort or solace to be found on each other’s lips. It tasted like the ocean, like Salineas, like the sun setting over a bloodstained beach. There was nothing pulling her closer, nothing giving her a reason to stay. 

The smoldering passion between them had finally burned away.

\---

The first night was actually the easiest. She didn’t cry into her pillow, or spend all night laying awake. She fell asleep as soon as her eyes closed, and her dreams were as distant as misty mountain peaks. The second night was harder. She tossed and turned for hours, her mind muddy with memories of a murky childhood and catastrophic love. The third night was harder still, her dreams turning into nightmares, her fears turning into strangled screams in her sleep. And they only progressed from there, each night snowballing into the next, into an endless avalanche of distress and despair.

On the seventh night, she clutched her blankets tightly, sobbing noisily into the sheets. The moonlight streaming through the window tinted everything a soft pink. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from leaking, but they were as never-ending as the sea. She had long since given up on sleep. All that existed was herself, and her suffering, and - 

“Shh, it’s okay, ‘Dora. I’m here.” 

She didn’t know if Glimmer had teleported in, or had used the door; she had been crying far too loud to have heard. She leaned back against the queen, feeling her arms gently wrap around her, her thumb stroking her cheek. The steady rise and fall of her friend’s chest served as an anchor, and slowly, the blonde matched her breathing, her sobs vanishing until she fell into a dreamless sleep, as Glimmer’s fingers combed through her long hair.

The next night was easier, and so was the night after that.

\---

The first letter arrived after two weeks. 

The envelope was tattered and frayed, her name written on the front in tall, scratchy letters. It was sealed with dark red wax, the color of roses, of blood. She opened it with excessive care, refusing to further crease the thick paper. A single sheet of lined paper was folded inside. Catra’s scrawl was hard to read, but not indecipherable. She read it once, twice, a third time, just for good measure. It meant everything and meant nothing at the same time. Was it banal pleasantries disguised as meaningful prose? Or was it poignant poetics masquerading as trite conversation? Could it be both?

It took hours for Adora to pen an adequate answer.

\---

It had been a month since Catra left. 

She didn’t go out much. She mostly roamed the castle, looking for odd jobs. Training guards, tending to the horses, organizing the library. A few words with friends here and there. A few nights spent with royalty holding her tight. Meals were a simple and quiet affair. Nothing seemed all that interesting, any more. She was tired, unmotivated. The entire kingdom ran like clockwork, with or without her. Etheria could handle a few weeks without its dutiful protector.

Glimmer and Bow, however, could not. After much whining and complaining, the two founding members of the best friend squad managed to drag the hero from her chamber to the outdoor gardens. As unwilling as Adora had been to visit, she soon found the scent of the flowers to be intoxicating, even if they made her nose twitch. Bow explained a few of the flower names as they strolled through the park. Hydrangeas, hyacinths, lilacs, lilies, lavender, violets. The names eluded Adora as quickly as she learned them, but she was thankful for the distraction all the same. 

Eventually, Bow took pity on the warrior, and led her and Glimmer to a bench in the center. Adora gratefully sat down, her two best friends on either side of her, their arms resting over her shoulders. The sunlight flowed into her lap like honey, kissing her skin, warming her weary heart. She soaked up the heat and the love from her friends with her eyes closed, savoring their closeness. 

Things hurt. But they wouldn’t hurt forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week's chapter might be delayed - but the chapter that follows is mostly written, so it will be back on track after that! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and as always, consider leaving a kudos or comment if you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update - to make up for it, this chapter is the longest yet! It also has a a bit of a nod towards a companion piece I'll write once this is finished, from Glimmer's point of view - if you notice it, congrats!
> 
> Content warnings: violent imagery, minor flashbacks, discussion of scars and trauma

It had been two months since Catra had left. Sometimes it felt like only a handful of days had gone by, and Adora’s trauma was fresh and freely bleeding. Other times, it felt like an entire year had passed, and the time she had spent with the magicat was distant and dreamlike. Her memories were both foggy and clear at the same time, so close she could taste them but just far enough away that they were out of reach. At the gentle insistence of her friends, Adora reluctantly agreed to see a therapist, and found herself venting to the trustworthy stranger on a weekly basis, the heartbreaking memories leaving her lips in a rush, like poison spewing from a gaping wound, the toxic weight that she had kept buried for so long finally unearthed, leaving behind a sense of purity and clarity that she hadn’t experienced in ages.

Soon, Spring turned to Summer, and slowly but surely, the seeds of recovery that Adora had planted with shaky hands on the night of Scorpia and Perfuma’s wedding grew, shy sprouts shooting out of the fertile soil of her soul. Her violent nightmares and unexpected anxiety attacks at times felt like setbacks in her quest for progress, but they were a necessary part of her healing; the dark, stormy clouds of her relapses drizzled a cathartic rain on her budding flowers, allowing them to grow taller and stronger. Her visits with her therapist sprinkled mulch over the wet loam, the plants greedily drinking the extra nutrients, spreading their delicate leaves and extending their stems. 

And then there was her sunlight - Glimmer and Bow, the two truest friends she could have ever asked for. They were by her side on good days, on bad days, and on in-between days. Pulling her out of bed when she just wanted to surrender to sleep even though it was noon; finding time to have lunch together in the castle gardens, where they could laugh as loud as they wanted; bringing her along to trips to neighboring villages, so the warrior could get a much-needed change of scenery; and inviting her to sleepovers with blanket forts and popcorn and board games, just like old times, before things got so complicated and overwhelming. They never felt like spending time with Adora was a chore, or a burden. Every smile, every hug, every “I love you”, dripped dazzling sunlight into Adora’s carefully tended garden, the lazily blooming flowers straining towards the honeysuckle sweetness of Glimmer’s laughter and the golden ichor of Bow’s grins. 

Adora couldn’t believe that she once thought things would never be okay again.

\---

She and Catra still sent letters. Opening the first couple of letters was a tremendous task, akin to pushing a boulder up an infinitely tall mountain. But over time, she was able to read and write them with an almost surprising sense of normality. Catra’s scratchy handwriting still strummed a dissonant chord in her chest, and some of her poorly chosen words stung worse than angry wasps, but she could read the contents without her stomach lurching or her heart pounding. They didn’t talk about much of importance - the conversations were very mundane, and almost mechanical. Adora knew that Catra was probably involved in all sorts of trouble in the Crimson Wastes, especially with Huntara as a mentor, but her ex neglected to mention any of the campfire-worthy stories she surely had to share once she inevitably returned (because she would come back one day, for better or worse, right?). Adora didn’t ask too many questions, and she didn’t share too many of her own personal details. It seemed most of her responses boiled down to what she and Glimmer and Bow had done over the past few days, or whatever gossip was floating around the castle halls. 

They never said “I love you”, or even “I miss you”. 

\---

Bow was the one who suggested they have a picnic on the castle terrace. Adora and Glimmer had been quick to offer to bring food for the meal, but he was adamant that he would handle all the cooking and baking by himself, that it was “his treat”. As soon as Bow had unfolded the pink and yellow blanket for them to sit on, and opened the baskets he brought with them, Adora’s mouth began watering. He had painstakingly prepared all of their favorite foods - honey-drenched rolls topped with fresh fruit, vegetable-filled dumplings like the ones Angella used to make, noodles with a rich and creamy mushroom sauce, and ice cold lavender lemonade. The three dug into their servings happily, soaking up the afternoon sun as they filled their stomachs.

After they had finished, Bow took a long swig of his drink, letting the ice cubes loudly clink together in the glass. “I really wanted to do something nice for the two of you, you know? You both work so hard, and - “

Glimmer tackled her oldest friend, their foreheads bumping together with a crack that made Adora wince. “Bow, you didn’t have to do anything for us! We love you, you dork.” 

Adora nodded, leaning over to wrap an arm around her friend’s back, being much more gentle than Glimmer had been. “It means a lot, Bow, it really does! You didn’t need to go out of your way for us. You’re our best friend!” 

Bow smiled sheepishly, his gaze falling to his hands in his lap. “No, I had to, you see… I have something to tell you guys.”

Adora stiffened instinctively, an icy chill crackling through her body. She fought to keep her expression neutral, trying to hide the fear flowering in her gut, and the worry wearing at her bones. Bow’s words made her more than a little uneasy, but she couldn’t fathom what the boy had possibly done that he would need to go to all of this trouble with just to break the news - but whatever it was, it must have been bad. Was Bow even capable of doing something bad? Maybe he was just the messenger of bad news… Yeah, that must have been it, right?

Glimmer was also troubled by Bow’s statement. She pulled back from her friend, but kept her gloved hands on his shoulders, her brow wrinkling with concern, a frown tugging at her lips. “Oh… what kind of ‘something’? Is it the kind of ‘something’ we should be worried about?”

“No, no, not at all!” Bow wildly waved his arms, quick to backtrack. “It’s good news! Honest! Nobody’s hurt or in trouble! Nothing bad is going to happen!”

Adora and Glimmer sighed in unison, their anxiety exiting their bodies in one huge exhale. Adora’s stomach settled, and she felt almost giddy with the sense of relief that permeated her being. 

“You didn’t have to word it like that, then!” Glimmer jokingly scolded, her arms crossed over her chest in mock indignation. “You almost gave us a heart attack!” 

_Us._ So, Glimmer did notice Adora’s apprehension. How could the queen read her so easily? 

“Well, it’s about me and Jewelstar,” Bow started, but he was cut off quickly.

 _“You’re getting married?!”_ Glimmer yelped, slapping her hands to her cheeks dramatically, her mouth hanging open. “Oh my god, _Bow_ , isn’t that a little too soon? Are you sure about this? What if -”

“I’m not getting married!” Bow shouted back, his voice cracking at least five separate times. His cheeks turned maroon as he leapt away from the queen, embarrassed. Adora couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s plight. “Would you please let me finish?”

“Hey! It’s not my fault I jumped to that conclusion!” Glimmer huffed, rolling her eyes affectionately. “I’m sorry, Bow, continue. I’ll shut up.”

“Okay.” Bow took a deep breath, the crimson slowly fading from his face. “Jewelstar asked if I wanted to… go on a vacation with him.”

“That’s awesome, Bow!” Adora squeezed the arm around him tighter, genuinely happy for her friend. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Bow, this is fantastic news!” Glimmer practically had stars in her eyes. “Oh! You should go somewhere to see the ocean! Or maybe to that village in the mountains, with the perfect view of the Whispering Woods!” Adora chuckled fondly; she really hoped that Bow and Jewelstar had already picked out their destination, because if not, Glimmer was going to book their entire itinerary for them, complete with romantic date ideas and scripted dialogue for late night confessions.

Bow looked slightly uncomfortable, rubbing his neck with one hand. “Well… we’ve talked about it, and… we’re going into space!” He smiled nervously.

“Space… like… outer space?” Adora stared at him blankly.

“Like the outer space we almost died in, multiple times?” Glimmer added, incredulous.

“Look, I know it _sounds_ scary, but we’ll be in Darla, and Entrapta is coming along, too!” Bow was quick to reassure his companions. “There’s like a .00001 percent chance that anything will go wrong! And we’ll only visit planets that have been flagged as safe!”

Adora had to admit, the idea of Bow willingly going back into space was a bit frightening. Especially when she remembered all the things that went wrong in their own intergalactic travels, and all the duct tape she had to use… plus Entrapta’s curiosity putting them in peril time and time again. But despite that, Entrapta was the best person to accompany them, and if anything did break, she would know exactly how to fix it. Darla was intelligent in her own right, and could surely correct course or protect the ship in case of danger. And Jewelstar and Bow were both wise and valiant fighters, and could defend themselves if the need ever arose.

“I trust you, Bow.” Adora wrapped her other arm around Bow in a warm hug. “It’s a little scary to think about, I won’t lie, but I know you’ll both be safe, and have a lot of fun.”

Glimmer grumbled, pointedly looking away from Bow, but ended up caving anyways. “She’s right, it’s dangerous, but we believe in you.” Her frown grew into a smile. “You better take tons of pictures, and keep journal entries about every place you visit, and bring back a _lot_ of souvenirs. The castle could use some new decorations.” She winked.

Bow sighed, thankful his friends weren’t upset with him about his newest adventure. “I love you two, so much, you both know that, right?” He smooshed his cheek against Adora’s, before leaning upwards to kiss Glimmer’s forehead.

“So… how long will you be gone?” Adora asked. A few days, maybe? She’d never been on vacation. Was that a few days thing?

“Uh… three weeks,” he answered quietly.

“And when do you leave?” Glimmer asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Uh… tomorrow.” 

\---

That first week without Bow was one of the slowest weeks of Adora’s life. It didn’t help that it also ended up being one of the _busiest_ weeks of Glimmer’s life. The young queen’s schedule was jam-packed with meetings, from sunrise to sundown, day after day. From assemblies with the reunited princess alliance (that Adora was required to attend, as well) to conferences with foreign dignitaries to trips to nearby towns to discuss harvests and bandits, Glimmer was constantly on the move, usually leaving Adora behind to her own devices. The hero spent a lot of time at the training grounds, practicing with new recruits and knights looking for a sparring partner, but to be honest, the experience was duller than the blunt blades they used for practice. The legendary She-Ra was unmatched with a sword, and she could only spend so many hours going easy on the apprentices or disarming cocky soldiers before she was bored out of her mind.

She spent some time at the stables, chatting with Swift Wind, but while she loved her loyal steed, even she had to admit that he could be a bit obnoxious and grating if a conversation dragged on for longer than it needed to be. She tried to do odd jobs around the castle, but Adora was notorious among staff for accidentally breaking things, or setting things on fire, so she was often given only the simplest of tasks that were over as soon as she started them. She even tried reading some of the novels that Glimmer and Mermista had lent her; Adora didn’t typically read fiction, but the fantasy worlds of the books quickly drew her in and refused to let her go. Except… if she read for longer than an hour, she got a merciless migraine, and so was then bored _and_ in pain.

On the fourth night since Bow had left for parts unknown with his boyfriend, Glimmer showed up unannounced to Adora’s room late at night, when the blonde was already in her pajamas and ready for a long night of uninterrupted sleep. 

“Do you mind if I crash with you for the night?” Glimmer asked. “I have an appointment first thing in the morning, and I can’t afford to be late to this one.” 

The pillow and change of clothes tucked under her arm made it clear that the queen expected Adora to say yes, and she was only asking as a formality. “Yeah, of course Glim, but… how is sleeping in my room going to make you on time for your meeting?”

Giggling, Glimmer lifted the pillow and playfully smacked Adora with it, causing the blonde to grin. “Because you’re an early bird who wakes up before the sun does, so you can make sure I don’t sleep in!” 

Adora couldn’t argue with that logic. Grabbing her own pillow, she whacked Glimmer in return. She laughed as the royal put on an exaggerated pout, her lip sticking out adorably as she pretended to be hurt.

“Oh, really? Is that how you’re going to play? Game on, She-Ra!” 

Needless to say, they stayed up far too late, and _both_ overslept. 

\---

On the eighth night since Bow left, Adora laid on her back on the castle terrace, taking in all of the stars. She was in the same corner that they had had their picnic in, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Bow was up there, somewhere. Was that streak of light to the west Darla? Were they hurtling through the cosmos right now, or were they landed somewhere, investigating a peaceful planet? Would any of them be inhabited? Would they find friends, or foes? Were they having fun, or were they bored, too? Did Bow miss her and Glimmer? Or was he too wrapped up in Jewelstar to remember them?

The twinkle of magic pulled her from her thoughts. Glimmer materialized a few feet from her, sparkles erupting from her glowing form. She didn’t notice Adora at first, until the blonde greeted her, startling the shorter woman.

“Agh! Adora! I didn’t expect you to be laying down!” Flustered, Glimmer stepped closer, looking down at her friend. “Actually… why are you laying down?”

“It’s the easiest way to see all the stars. You don’t have to crane your head back.” Adora patted the empty space beside her, beckoning the queen to sprawl next to her.

Glimmer hesitantly laid down on her back, fidgeting against the hard surface and fixing her clothing as she did so. “You could have at least brought a blanket with you, you know.”

Adora shrugged. “I didn’t realize I’d end up here, to be honest. It just… kind of happened.” Like most things in her life, at this point.

“I miss Bow,” Glimmer said, staring up at the full moon. “I’m happy for him, I really am. I’m glad he has someone he loves, and who loves him back. But it’s not the same without him here.”

“Yeah… I miss him a lot,” Adora said, her heart heavy. “It’s scary to think that…” She trailed off, unsure if she should go on, but the gentle encouragement in Glimmer’s curious gaze inspired her to continue. “It’s scary to think that we might… grow apart, one day. Like, I read some First Ones texts on astronomy when I visited Bow’s Dads. They say that the universe, it’s always expanding. The stars, the planets, the suns, and the moons, were once a single ball of fire, so tiny you couldn’t see it without a microscope. And then it exploded, and they broke off, drifting away from each other. It doesn’t feel like it, but even right now, Etheria is hurtling through space, getting farther and farther away from all the stars, even though they were once one and the same. And… I guess I’m just worried, you, me and Bow might be like that, one day. Still close, but…”

“Drifting away,” Glimmer finished for her quietly. The two said nothing for a while, refusing to look at each other, choosing to instead focus on the galaxies overhead. The sky was a smear of dark purples and deep blues, so dull that it appeared black. The largest of the two moons was cherry blossom pink, bathing the sky around it with a pastel halo. The other moon, only half visible on the horizon, glowed a gentle gold, it’s warm aura washing over the distant peaks of the Kingdom of Snows. 

“Just because things are different, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be the same,” Glimmer said, breaking the awkward silence. “Wait… that doesn’t really make sense, does it?” The two giggled, comfortable in each other’s presence once again. “What I mean is, it’s true… we might grow apart, in little ways. We might have other friends, or other adventures to go on. But some bonds can’t be broken.” She smiled, turning to face Adora at last. “We’ll always be best friends, no matter what. I know it.”

Adora returned her smile, butterflies settling in her stomach as she met Glimmer’s eyes. “Always. You’ll always be my best friend, Glimmer. I promise.” This time, it was a promise she could keep. She would make sure of that.

Hoping to change the topic to something a bit less somber, she realized she hadn’t asked her friend how her day had gone. “How were the meetings? Are there going to be any revolts?” She smirked playfully.

Glimmer elbowed her in response. “Psh, I _wish._ It’s been so boring lately! A rebellion would really spice things up!” Her laughter was music to Adora’s ears. “Actually, though, there is a reason I came up here to find you. I have a proposal for you.”

Adora was confused. “A proposal? Isn’t that like, when you ask someone to marry you?”

“What?? No, no, no, not that kind of proposal!” Glimmer was beyond embarrassed, her cheeks as red as the Horde insignia on Adora’s old uniform. The sparkles in her hair were brighter than ever, more pink than white. It was adorable. “It’s a normal, non-marriage proposal.”

“Okay, I’m interested,” Adora said, extremely amused by her friend’s reaction. “What is it?”

“I was thinking… how about we go on a vacation of our own?”

A vacation? With Glimmer? The idea was incredibly enticing, but… “How? You’re so busy, I don’t think you’ve had more than a moment or two to yourself in days.” 

“That’s exactly _why_ I need a vacation, ‘Dora,” Glimmer said fondly. “I talked to my dad - or well, he talked to me, really. He volunteered to handle royal duties for the next few days, so that I could have a break. He already talked to Aunt Casta, and said I was free to visit Mystacor for a bit. And… she said I could bring a plus one!”

“A plus one?” Adora said teasingly, raising an eyebrow. “Like, when Catra was my plus one to Scorpia and Perfuma’s wedding?” Mentioning Catra usually made her chest ache, but not this time. Why was that?

Glimmer blushed for a third time that night, her eyes wide. “No! Not like that! Well, kind of like that, but - “ At Adora’s snicker, her embarrassment turned to anger. “Ugh! You totally knew what I meant. You’re so mean!” She flicked Adora’s nose in revenge. “Anyways, if you don’t _want_ to go to Mystacor with me, you can - “

“I want to go! I want to go!” Adora pleaded, a combination of boredom and love for her friend making her desperate. 

“That’s what I thought!” Now it was Glimmer’s turn to smirk. “Pack your things, we leave in two days.”

\---

Mystacor was every bit as gorgeous as Adora had remembered. They approached the floating island from above, her and Glimmer riding Swift Wind through the rose-colored clouds, the teal and mauve citadel rising breathtakingly into the sky. Glowing golden arches and lush green gardens dotted the landscape, while mesmerizing waterfalls fed into the thermal springs and meandering rivers. Adora grinned, loving the feeling of the wind in her hair, and of Glimmer’s arms wrapped securely around her waist, her face nuzzled into her back. 

Castaspella was waiting for them at the entrance to the castle, her hands folded in front of her chest and a smile on her face. Swift Wind touched down gracefully - his landings had only gotten smoother and smoother as time went on. Adora hopped off his back first, before taking Glimmer’s hand to help her do the same. The winged unicorn bowed to the sorcerer, before nudging Adora gently with his head to say goodbye.

“Have fun, you two. Don’t do anything too crazy.” He winked. “I’ll be back in four days, Adora!”

Adora crossed her arms, frowning. “ _Three_ days, Swift Wind. We’re staying for three days.” 

“Are you sure it wasn’t four?”

“Positive,” Glimmer said, rolling her eyes. “Three days.” She held up three fingers to really drill the message home.

“Five days, got it.” Swift Wind stamped his hoof decisively. “See you then!” Before Glimmer could correct the horse, he had already trotted off, his wings spread wide behind him, lifting him into the pastel sky and quickly out of earshot.

“Don’t worry, Glim,” Adora said, slinging an arm around her friend’s shoulders. “He’s just messing with you. He’ll be here on time.” 

Glimmer grumbled in response, her voice too low for Adora to make out individual words, but she knew that they weren’t pleasant ones.

Castaspella came closer to the pair, her arms spread in welcome. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite niece, finally showing her face again!” 

“I’m your only niece,” Glimmer mumbled, but she was smiling as she accepted the sorcerer's hug. 

“And you,” Castaspella said, turning to Adora, “the legendary She-Ra, protector of Etheria, and breaker of many a young woman’s heart!” Her arms were around Adora before she could process anything she had said. _Breaker of hearts? What was that supposed to mean?_ Still, she returned the hug, patting her back a little awkwardly.

“Anyways,” Casta said, releasing the blonde from her embrace, “Come inside, come inside! I have tea!”

\---

Adora wasn’t a big tea drinker, but the blend Casta served them was more sweet than bitter, the floral scent turning her thoughts pink and violet. It was almost too hot to drink, but the warmth coated her throat in citrus and cinnamon. She happily sipped from the mug, surrendering herself to the intoxicating flavors. Beside her, Glimmer was doing the same, while Casta simply held her mug between her hands, savoring the heat from the ceramic. 

“So, what have you two troublemakers been up to?” Casta asked, finally taking a sip from her own tea.

Glimmer answered first, shrugging her shoulders. “Running a kingdom, mostly. I don’t know how mom ever handled it… If I have to meet with one more condescending ambassador, I’m going to set the entire castle on fire.”

Casta laughed, the halo surrounding her twinkling with amusement. “Your mother was only able to handle it because she had your father by her side. Things would be much easier if you had a husband or wife.” She glanced at Adora with an expression that she couldn’t read.

“Casta!” Glimmer buried her face in her hands, trying to hide the furious blush blossoming on her cheeks. Adora giggled, reaching over to lightly rub her shoulder, hoping to diminish at least some of her embarrassment. They were still young; it would be silly to think Glimmer would settle down with someone by now, right? The idea of Glimmer with a partner made Adora feel… uncomfortable. Which was weird. She should be happy for Glimmer if she was in love, the same way she was happy for Bow. But instead, she felt a strange twinge of jealousy…

“As for you, Adora!” Casta redirected her attention at the warrior. “How are things going with the, uh, Cat-girl?” 

Adora choked on her tea, spluttering wordlessly as the previously comfortably warm drink now scorched her tongue. She was vaguely aware of Glimmer pounding on her back, asking her if she was okay, but she couldn’t find the words to respond. Her scars sizzled through her jacket, muscles tensing from the searing pain. Sometimes, people could mention Catra and she’d be okay. Her stomach might drop, or her heart might ache, but she would be okay. And then there were times like this, where even the slightest acknowledgement of the magicat made her soul shrivel up.

“Um… well, we’re not… together, anymore,” she said awkwardly, clearing her throat. Glimmer’s hand on her back started to rub soothingly, brushing over her scars and taking away some of the agony concentrated there, allowing her to breathe a bit easier.

Casta gasped, her hand dramatically covering her mouth. “Oh! I’m sorry! I had no idea!” Despite saying she was sorry, Casta didn’t look all that apologetic, just surprised. “Well, just remember, everything happens for a reason.” Her voice was now admonishing. “I was never too fond of her, truth be told; you deserve someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, Adora. She clearly wasn’t good for you.” 

One of Adora’s worst fears was confirmed - there _were_ people who never approved of her and Catra being together. There were people who talked about them behind their backs, taking bets on when they’d break up, studying her with pity and worry. Catra really wasn’t good for her, and she might have been one of the last people in Etheria to realize it. She was pathetic. Everyone knew how pathetic she was. Clinging to a nightmare because a lifetime of hurting was better than a lifetime of being alone. They knew Catra had hurt her. And they did nothing. 

“That’s not fair, Casta!” Glimmer said angrily, a lavender fire burning in her eyes. Her aunt leaned back, shocked by her outburst. “You can’t just say something like that! You have no idea what things were like between them, or what they’ve been through or meant to each other. Have you even spoken a single word to Catra, before?”

“Well, not that I can recall, but - “

“Exactly!” Glimmer’s passionate deliverance made Adora feel lightheaded with admiration for her dearest friend, who was boldly standing up for her to her own relative. “You’re a total outsider. You don’t get it, and you never will. You can’t sit here and lecture Adora for something you can’t even begin to understand. Weren’t you in love once, too?”

Casta’s eyes hardened. Something in Glimmer’s words had clearly crossed a line, but it was far too late to take any of what she had said back. “I was. And you - you still are, are you not?”

Glimmer froze, her face paling. Adora was confused; was Glimmer in love with someone? Did she still have feelings for Bow? It didn’t make sense. Was she missing something? How was it possible for Glimmer to have a crush on someone without her realizing? They spent almost all of their free time together. Surely she would have brought them up…? Did she not trust Adora enough to tell her? No, that couldn’t be the case...

Glimmer regained some of her composure, her back straightening. “That’s none of your business. Besides, I’m far too busy as a queen to even think about romance.” Adora had to admit she was right; her royal duties were so time-consuming and all-encompassing that any attempts to woo a lover were off the table. 

Casta sighed, a fond smile returning to her face. “Of course. I’m sorry, Glimmer.” She turned to Adora. “And, I’m very sorry to you, Adora. My niece is right. That was incredibly unfair of me. This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation for the two of you, to get away from your endless responsibilities, but I’m sure I’ve only made you both more stressed.”

“It’s okay, it’s fine, really!” Adora was quick to try to smooth things over. “You didn’t do anything wrong - “

“No, I did,” Casta said, at the exact same time Glimmer stated “No, she did.” The two chuckled, the remaining fight leaving them in a rush. 

“Well, I should go help the other sorcerers make sure the apprentices aren’t getting into too much trouble,” Castaspella announced, standing from her chair. “You two should visit the Hot Springs; I’m sure that’s the main reason you came here, after all.” She collected their now empty teacups, balancing them carefully in her arms. “I’ll see you both again at dinner. Have fun, you two!”

\---

The first time Adora had visited the hot springs with her friends, she was all too quick to discard her clothing and slip into the cotton wraps Castaspella had kindly offered to the trio, enticed by the steam rising from the scalding water. She didn’t care if her companions saw her bare shoulders, or toned midsection, or the fading bruises from well-fought battles on her arms and legs. The Horde didn’t exactly encourage or enforce modesty, and the warrior had nothing to hide from her friends, or anything to be ashamed of.

But now, after two years and countless clashes, Adora had never felt so vulnerable. The comfortable material just managed to cover the scratches on her back, but all her other scars were on full display, zigzagging across her body like lightning bolts. The healed tissue shined in the summer sun, the numerous nicks on her wrists and calves glowing brazenly. Deeper, darker scars danced across her abdomen and thighs, the marks still angry and unforgiving. Some looked as fresh as the day she got them, while others had faded to a hazy shimmer.

She felt exposed. Like there was a target on her back, an eagle-eyed archer squinting as he nocked an arrow, the tip aimed right between her shoulder blades. Like she was sprinting across a wide, empty field, a no man’s land; enemies behind her, enemies in front of her, a thousand spears and crossbows aimed in her direction. Like a mouse skittering among freshly fallen leaves as a cat chased them, desperately searching for a hole, a tunnel, a -

“Are you okay?”

Adora jumped; Glimmer had managed to approach her without her realizing. The queen’s pastel hair sparkled even brighter in the sunlight, her lavender eyes almost a soft pink. She showed as much skin as Adora, but whereas the blonde’s was pale and marred by combat, Glimmer’s skin was tan and mostly blemish-free. There were some scars dotting her torso, but none that mirrored the tragedy etched into her own flesh. A faint blush rose to her cheeks; regardless of her intentions, she probably shouldn’t have let her eyes wander over her friend’s body.

“Adora?” Glimmer stepped closer, hands held in front of her, as though she wanted to reach out and touch the former soldier, but uncertainty was holding her back. Her brow wrinkled with concern. 

“I’m okay, Glim,” Adora answered, self-consciously clutching her elbow with her other hand. She wanted to reassure her, but knew her words were without weight. Glimmer could always tell when she was lying.

As expected, the shorter woman hummed thoughtfully. “You don’t have to pretend, Adora. I know… Casta said some pretty rude stuff earlier.” They both winced, recalling the sorcerer’s tactless comments. “And you have a lot of memories tied to Mystacor. If you want to go back to Bright Moon, we can. I don’t mind.”

Adora smiled; Glimmer was always so sweet and understanding. Some of the tension slowly left her shoulders. “I do have some bad memories of this place, but I have a lot of _good_ ones, too, from the first trip we took. And, as long as you’re willing, I’d like to make some more.”

Glimmer visibly brightened, the sparkles in her hair seeming to multiply. She reached out and lightly took Adora’s hand in her own, leading her towards the nearest pool. Her grip was gentle yet firm, softening Adora’s pounding heart as a fountain of respect and admiration for her friend bubbled in her chest. 

Glimmer stepped into the water first, her grasp on her hand tightening then relaxing as her body reacted to the fierce yet soothing heat. She waded further, pulling Adora along. The blonde sighed gratefully as the pleasantly scorching water greeted her, tendrils of steam surrounding her legs. Together, they sank slowly and happily into the bath, every inch of water welcome and appreciated. They sat a few inches apart, Glimmer only relinquishing her grip on her hand once the water had come up to their chests. Adora found herself missing it almost immediately, but quelled her disappointment as she sunk down, letting her chin skim the surface of the pool.

The warmth soothed her strained muscles, uncoiling the tension held within them. She smiled, letting the heat seep through her skin to massage her joints and tendons. Her breathing was slow and even, her soul slipping into the sweet safety and tender embrace of the springs. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling for as long as she possibly could. She could hear Glimmer sigh softly beside her, and she indulgently allowed herself to imagine the queen’s slowly growing pink wings twitching from the sensations. She was so relaxed she was convinced she had been dozing in and out of sleep, her dreams delicate and only half-formed. Just glimpses of purple flowers and pastel feathers.

Adora opened her eyes lazily, turning her head to see her friend beside her in much the same state as her. Glimmer’s eyes were half-lidded, the sparkles in her hair shining as bright as ever, glittering through the steam. Her lips were curled into a content smile, blinking slowly at the blonde, much like Catra did when she was at peace, with her chin resting on Adora’s chest, her bicolored eyes glinting in the moonlight -

Shuddering, Adora stopped the thought in its tracks, shaking her head to dispel the unwanted memory. It was too late; the recollection had roused her back to full wakefulness, the relaxation she felt slowly fading, the muscles in her back tightening painfully despite the comforting sauna. The scars along her spine briefly blazed with pain, and if she didn’t know better, she swore they would be glowing, the light visible through the thin cotton wrapped around her torso. Looking down, through the slightly cloudy water, she could spot the dozens of other scars criss crossing her legs and arms, the marks brighter, louder, and angrier as they glared at her from her reddened skin.

“What’s up, ‘Dora?” Glimmer’s voice was kind, but lethargic, sleepiness weighing her words down. She opened her eyes wider, her lavender gaze landing on Adora’s flushed face.

“It’s nothing,” Adora answered quickly. Too quickly, as it turned out.

Glimmer’s hand found Adora’s once again, keeping the blonde anchored. “C’mon, I know you well enough to know when something’s bugging you,” she said, her voice much more alert than before. “You can tell me anything. It’s okay.”

Glimmer was right; Adora _could _tell her anything. The ruler never judged her, or made her feel unsafe or uncomfortable. But, all things considered, she really didn’t want to ruin Glimmer’s day. She didn’t want to be yet another burden weighing on her friend’s chest. She had enough on her plate, being a queen and all, as it was.__

__As if she could read her mind, Glimmer continued: “You don’t have to worry about upsetting me. I want to help. I want to know what’s on your mind.”_ _

__Adora gave in, smiling ruefully. “I’ve talked about this a lot, so I’m sorry to bring it up again… but it’s my scars.” She sighed, the admission alone allowing some of the tension to leave her body. “I just have so many, from so many different people, people I hate, people I love, and it’s…” She trailed off, defeated._ _

__“Scars don’t have to be bad things,” Glimmer said, her thumb rubbing a slow circle on the back of Adora’s hand. “Remember what Huntara said, years ago? ‘Scars are like tattoos, but with better stories.’” She chuckled, hoping to get a small laugh out of her friend, but Adora remained quiet and motionless. She pressed onwards, her voice more somber. “I know you think that they’re ugly, and that they carry bad memories, but they’re something to be proud of. It’s proof that you survived. It’s proof that you’re the person you are today, no matter what it was you’ve been through. They’re reminders of how strong and resilient you are.”_ _

__Adora didn’t feel very strong or resilient, but she declined to mention that. “I don’t know, Glim. It’s like all my trauma is on display for the entire world to see. I catch people staring, sometimes. Whenever I take off my jacket, or wear shorts or a dress. And even when I’m by myself, I swear I can feel eyes on me. Like someone’s hiding behind the corner, watching, memorizing all my injuries.” She removed her hand from Glimmer’s, running it through her long hair. “I hate this feeling, so much.”_ _

__Glimmer hummed thoughtfully, her hand moving to Adora’s shoulder, landing there lightly, like a songbird on a branch. “I’m sorry, Adora. I… can’t imagine what that’s like. But I want to assure you, your scars… they’re _beautiful.” _Adora froze, disbelief flowering through her at the words. Glimmer refused to let her interrupt her, however. “Yes, they’re beautiful. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I see your scars, I don’t think about the pain you must have endured, or the trauma you faced. I just think of how tough and cool you are, of how formidable you are in battle, of how brave and gallant you are. I think about how grateful I am that you’re in my life, and how everything you’ve been through makes you who you are today - someone I will always love and cherish.”___ _

____Violets and Lavender grew in Adora’s gut, filling her insides with a sense of serenity she hadn’t felt in a long time. Did Glimmer really mean all of that? She had to be making it up, but… the look on her face, the conviction and affection she found there… it was real. It had to be real. “Glimmer… I love you too.” She leaned her head against the shorter woman’s shoulder, her hair falling over her back and gently brushing her fluffy feathers, her wings fluttering slightly. “I’m sorry, it’s just - “_ _ _ _

____“No, don’t you dare apologize, Adora.” Glimmer was firm, but there was no anger or hardness in her voice. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”_ _ _ _

____Still..._ _ _ _

____Burying her previous discomfort, Adora lifted her head and pointed to a scar on her upper arm - it was shaped like a crescent moon, the tissue smooth and silvery. “I got this when I was… maybe twelve? It was in a practice fight. We were way too small to be given knives, but the Horde starts you young - as soon as you can form a fist, a blade is put in your hand.” Her eyes glazed over as she stared into the distance, remembering the incident. “Lonnie, she was a formidable fighter - well, you’ve seen her in battle. Even as a kid, she had wicked aim, and an even more wicked temper. I don’t remember exactly what I did to piss her off - knowing Catra and I, we probably stole her ration bars, or something. Whatever it was, she was on the war path that day, and…”_ _ _ _

____She rubbed the scar, grimacing, while Glimmer listened patiently. “We weren’t supposed to intentionally injure each other, just to disarm our opponents. We had on thick gloves and protective gear, and these dorky goggles, to protect our eyes in case someone got a little too carried away - we had all learned our lesson after what happened to Octavia. Anyways, like I said, she was rightfully pissed at me, and didn’t even try to play nice. I was as much of a goody-two-shoes as you could be, in an environment like that, so I didn’t even think about bending the rules of the match. She had me pushed up against the wall, way out of bounds, and aimed for my face.” She cringed, remembering her friend’s furious scowl as she stabbed at her. “I threw my arms up instinctively, trying to defend myself, and it saved my face, but she sliced clean through my shirt and arm. It was the first time I’d seen so much blood in my life.”_ _ _ _

____Glimmer winced with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Adora. You went through so much, so young…” The queen trailed off, no doubt reflecting on how her own childhood had been so safe and peaceful in comparison. Adora could see guilt and remorse darkening her eyes._ _ _ _

____“Hey, it’s okay, it happened a _long_ time ago,” Adora said, smiling at her companion. “It’s actually pretty funny, looking back at it.”_ _ _ _

____“Still…” Glimmer lifted her hand from the water, and gingerly placed it on Adora’s arm, her thumb stroking the scar lovingly. Adora’s face was ablaze, a dark red blush staining her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. She wanted to blame it on the incandescent heat of the springs, but she knew it was from Glimmer’s touch. Glimmer had touched her many times before, and even helped dress her wounds, so she didn’t understand why this one felt so _different._ It was intimate in a way that left the warrior breathless, sending pleasant shocks down her spine. She wanted to meet the queen’s eyes, but was afraid that the love and trust she would find in them would turn her world upside down. It would be like staring directly at the sun…_ _ _ _

____“Um…” Nervous, but wanting to keep the conversation going, since this was the first time she’d shared such personal stories with anyone outside Catra (who was present for most of them, anyways), she decided to point out another scar. This time, she chose one on her lower thigh, that was a gnarled, blotchy red. Her hand sunk under the water to trace the trauma. “This one, I was probably around 16 when I got it, maybe a little older. We used to dare each other to do stupid things all the time. Like, _incredibly_ stupid things. Things that almost always ended in death, or a one-way ticket to Beast Island. But we did them anyway, and I even think some of the higher-ups were aware of what we were doing, but turned a blind eye to it. Kyle - you remember Kyle, right? Blonde, useless, has a massive crush on Rogelio?”_ _ _ _

____Glimmer giggled, snorting adorably. “Of course I remember him. He was so happy to eat food that wasn’t rectangular and gray for the first time that he got sick to his stomach on sweets in the kitchens.”_ _ _ _

____“That was Kyle?” Adora was incredulous. “He told me that Scorpia ate all the desserts that night! I was so mad at her, too! Figures.” She rolled her eyes - same old Kyle. The war ending hadn’t changed him a single bit._ _ _ _

____“As I was saying, though, Kyle was pissed at Catra. She left him behind on a mission _again._ He’s usually pretty quiet, and easy to ignore, but not this time. Something must have snapped inside him. He yells at Catra, just, really lays into her, and Catra was in a bad mood herself, so they end up going at it. Finally, Kyle relents, and he says he’ll leave her alone if she follows a dare. Catra has never turned down a dare in her life, and she’s not about to turn one down from Kyle. So she agrees, and his dare is simple - all she had to do was sneak into Hordak’s lab and scratch ‘Hordak sucks’ into one of the servers.” _ _ _ _

____Glimmer raised an eyebrow. “That’s his dare? It’s dangerous, but so childish…”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, yeah, Kyle isn’t really renowned for using his brain cells,” Adora replied. “It was a stupid dare, but dangerous, and while I knew Catra would complete it no matter what, I didn’t want her to risk getting caught by herself. I had this… twisted sort of immunity, from Shadow Weaver’s wrath, and I knew if worst comes to worst and we were caught, I could shoulder most of the blame and she’d get away with a lot less bruises and punishments.”_ _ _ _

____She swallowed thickly, recalling the abuse and mind games that the sorcerer used to put them through. Glimmer’s hand, still on her arm, squeezed lightly, giving Adora the strength to finish her story. “So we broke into Hordak’s lab. Hordak’s lab was strictly off limits, but that didn’t stop cadets from trespassing. His passwords were ridiculously easy to guess - you’d think an aspiring dictator would at least try to better protect his equipment and war plans.” She broke off to laugh, Glimmer joining her, the harmony causing her heart to swell. “We find a server easily enough, and it’s quick work for Catra to carve the words into the metal. We were feeling pretty confident now, the kind of confident that gets you put in a prison cell for a few nights. We were playfully pushing each other back and forth, laughing, knocking into a lot of expensive equipment. Still, we were almost in the clear, until Catra shoved me against a table, and a bunch of beakers full of chemicals fell over.”_ _ _ _

____She sighed, her thigh throbbing with the memory of the pain. “One of the glasses, it was full of this sickly looking, lime green stuff, it tipped over and splashed against my leg. The pain was immediate. It ate through my pants, and burned so badly. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this was unlike anything I had imagined before, so I screamed, and I didn’t stop screaming, even when Catra tried to cover my mouth and carry me to safety. Of course we were immediately swarmed by guards, and we were taken directly to Hordak and Shadow Weaver. In the end, Catra got told off way worse than she would have if she had been caught by herself, because she directly put me in danger. Hordak was able to neutralize the acid that had burnt me, but it didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. They both decided the pain I had to endure was enough of a punishment, and was allowed to avoid anything too serious. Catra didn’t speak to me for, wow, almost two weeks, now that I think about it.”_ _ _ _

____“It wasn’t your fault, though!” Glimmer was quick to jump to Adora’s defense, even when Catra wasn’t physically there to call her out. “You were just trying to protect her, and she was the one who knocked you into the acids. She shouldn’t have taken the stupid dare, anyways. I’m so sorry, Adora. Nobody should have to experience that.”_ _ _ _

____Although Adora secretly agreed, and no longer held herself responsible for anything that happened that day, part of her still wanted to stand up for her ex-girlfriend; old habits were hard to break. Before she could debate the pros and cons of saying anything, Glimmer’s hand slid from her arm to back beneath the water, sinking to press against the mottled scar on her thigh. The blonde couldn’t help but gasp at the pressure, at the sensation of her friend’s soft fingers rubbing against the remnants of her burn. The bath may have been sweltering, but it was chilly compared to the fire burning hot inside Adora’s chest at the contact. She felt dizzy with adoration and appreciation for her closest friend. She had never felt this way before; was this normal?_ _ _ _

____“Is everything alright?” Glimmer asked the question casually, completely unaware of the intensity of the collision of stars and comets occurring inside of the hero. What was Adora supposed to say? ‘No, everything is not alright - it’s far _better_ than alright’?_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, Glim, of course!” Adora squeaked, putting a bit too much enthusiasm into her voice in an effort to cover up her emotions. Glimmer didn’t look too convinced, so Adora rushed to fill the silence before she could interrogate her further. “Uh, most of my other scars, they don’t really have cool stories behind them, though, like… this one.” Adora placed her palm against her stomach, over a dark mark several inches long. “I mean, I don’t even remember how I got this one, so the story couldn’t have been too good, I guess.”_ _ _ _

____“What do you mean, you don’t remember where you got this one?” Glimmer exclaimed, surprised._ _ _ _

____Adora blushed further, taken aback by her outburst. “I don’t know, I’ve been in a lot of scraps, so - “_ _ _ _

____“You got this last Spring, Adora,” Glimmer said, her words full of conviction. “It was during a skirmish on the outskirts of that village east of Plumeria. We were ambushed, Horde archers shooting at us from high up in the trees, and foot-soldiers swarming us from behind. Even though they had the element of surprise and outnumbered us, they were no match for us, and they quickly retreated. But…” Glimmer frowned, eyes clouding with remembered grief._ _ _ _

____Adora’s own eyes widened in recognition. “I remember now. One of them managed to duck under my sword, and stabbed me. I could do nothing but watch as their blade went in, then up…” She shuddered. “I de-transformed after that, hoping the magic would have healed the wound, but it didn’t, at least, not enough to stop the bleeding. You teleported me back to the healers, and they had to stitch me up.”_ _ _ _

____Glimmer nodded. “15 stitches, Adora. I was so, so worried…” Glimmer’s hand moved again, this time leaving her thigh to press against her abdomen, tracing the length of the scar. Her fingers moved painfully slow, sending shockwaves of… _something_ coursing through her body. Adora had to remind herself how to breathe, only to find herself locking eyes with the queen, and struggling for air once again. Glimmer was beautiful, and radiant, and everything right in the world. Reaching out, Adora swept some stray hairs out of her friend’s eyes, tucking them behind her ear. _ _ _ _

____Glimmer smiled at her, her cheeks rosy. “I remember where you got this one, too.” Her hand drifted to her knee, pointing at a small nick towards the top. “This was from when you were practicing with some of the new guards, and one of the greener ones didn’t realize the blades were so sharp. You bled a lot for a small wound, but didn’t need stitches. I had to keep yelling at you to stop picking at the scab. And this one,” she said, moving her hand to grab one of Adora’s own, her thumb running along a thin white streak, “was from when you cut your hand peeling vegetables in the kitchens, only a week or so after you joined the Rebellion.”_ _ _ _

____Adora blushed, and giggled. “I only wanted to help out! The cooks are always so busy! But I just bled everywhere and they threw me out. They told me to stick to fighting, instead.”_ _ _ _

____Glimmer squeezed her hand tighter, her smile growing even brighter. If Adora looked close enough, she was certain she’d be able to map entire constellations in her eyes, or chart the world’s seas. “Your scars aren’t something to be ashamed of, Adora. They show how far you’ve come, what you’ve been through, and how that made you into the amazing person you are today. They’re perfect. _You’re_ perfect.”_ _ _ _

____Adora’s lip wobbled, tears welling up in her eyes. Words failed her, but actions didn’t. She closed the distance between her and Glimmer, pulling the shorter woman into a warm and much-needed hug, burying her face in her downy hair. “Thank you, Glimmer,” she whispered, squeezing her tightly, nuzzling deeper into her starlit hair, inhaling her light lavender scent._ _ _ _

____As Adora drifted off into a drowsy, content daydream, she couldn’t help but wonder - Had Catra thought her scars were beautiful?_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is for the most part completely written, so it will be posted on time next week!  
> Thank you so much for all of the feedback - as always, a kudos or comment is greatly appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you've all been waiting for!
> 
> Featuring art by my friend [Freezingmyblitzballs!](https://freezingmyblitzballs.tumblr.com/) The art will be embedded at the end of the fic, and the link to the original post will be embedded in the end of the chapter notes.
> 
> There are also references to both SayAnything’s own fic, Heart of Courage, and ADORA: Vagabond of the Etherian Cosmos by EtherianFrigatebird. Can you find them both?
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s astounding to Adora that there was ever a time where she didn’t know what a party was. She remembers being both overwhelmed and overjoyed when she first joined the Rebellion and was greeted with a _bang,_ literally. She had never before seen any food that wasn’t rectangular and gray, or heard so many people laughing without worrying about being reprimanded. Even now, years later, she can still remember the airy, tooth-achingly sweet taste of that first bite of cotton candy, and the bone-rumbling, sky-shattering boom of her first glimpse of fireworks, back when the night was silent and starless. 

Bright Moon and the surrounding kingdoms threw a lot of festivals during the war, but now that the Horde was demolished and the planet pulled out of Despondos, the people found even more causes to celebrate. Every week there was a new holiday that Adora had never heard of before; she swore that the royals were making them up as they went along. But any excuse to eat cake, play music, or set off explosives was a good excuse, in her mind.

Today was the Summer Solstice Festival, an event to celebrate the longest day of the year. Unlike “National Spaghetti Day” and “Crop Top Appreciation Day”, this festival was much more serious in tone - but it would still be filled with a plethora of games, vendors, and food. Which meant a _lot_ of painstaking preparation. Being held outside Bright Moon Castle, most of the arranging had fallen on the shoulders of Glimmer and her father, but Adora had been eager to assist. She was, after all, an accomplished tactician both on and off the battlefield, and while Glimmer was equal parts ambitious and determined, she could use a lot of help when it came to staying focused and organized. Especially when Castaspella kept trying to change things at the last minute, and Bow was too busy going on even more dates _in space_ with his boyfriend to be any real help.

Often, Adora would find herself with Glimmer in her chambers late at night, working on paperwork and supply orders until they both passed out from exhaustion. It was surprisingly like old times, with them sharing a bed, their backs pressed against each other. It was nostalgic and intimate, in a way that was hard for Adora to express. Her heart would beat louder, faster, as she listened to Glimmer’s steady breathing, the lilting rhythm washing away any heartache from the day before. Sometimes, they would fall asleep facing each other, and even though she was exhausted, Adora would just smile and watch her friend sleep, admiring how peaceful and angelic she looked as she quietly snored. Her fingers would itch, wanting so desperately to reach out and brush strands of her pastel hair out of her face, but too afraid she would wake up and catch her staring. Part of her hoped that Glimmer watched her sleep, too. Was that a weird thing to want? Adora didn’t know anymore.

What Adora did know was that this Summer Solstice was going to be the best one yet. The festival was huge, covering an entire field with no end in sight. She had never seen so many people of so many species in one place, talking in languages both familiar and new as they drank berry punch. Almost all of the princesses had stalls set up - Perfuma’s was sitting by the entrance, a huge table covered in lush vegetables and colorful fruit. A long line of attendees were already gathered there with empty plates in hand, mouths watering as they waited for the opportunity to try some of the tastiest and freshest produce in Etheria. Further past the gates, her wife Scorpia had her own stand, where she handed out desserts, such as thick slices of strawberry cake and crumbly apple pie. Adora would never have pegged Scorpia as a baker back when she was in the Horde, but since settling down with Perfuma in Plumeria, she had managed to find a passion that filled her with joy (and filled her hungry friends stomachs). Children were giggling and hollering as they slid down Frosta’s ice slides, her magic the only thing keeping the structures from melting in the humid heat. Entrapta’s stand, meanwhile, was surrounded solely by adults, all of them curious and attentive as they watched the engineer show off her latest inventions. Even Mermista had been persuaded to have a stall of her own, where she created elegant water displays, fascinated onlookers gasping in awe.

The only royal without a stand herself was Glimmer, which was completely fine if you asked Adora. She deserved a break after all the planning she had done, and it also meant she could hang out with her and Bow, walking through the fair laughing and joking about old times. And Adora really needed some laughs, because they wouldn’t be alone for much longer.

Catra was here.

It was her first time back in Bright Moon after traveling to the Crimson Waste with Huntara, and Adora had no idea what to expect. Sure, the magicat seemed civil enough in her letters, but how she would act in person was an entirely different story. One of the things Adora had loved about Catra (and now frustrated her to no end) was that she was wildly unpredictable. Her mood was more or less determined by blindly throwing darts at a target, and the last thing the warrior wanted was a confrontation on what was supposed to be a perfect day. She didn’t want there to be any tears, or fighting, or yelling. Adora told herself again and again that she was over Catra, that the mischievous woman was just a friend now, and nothing more. But… Adora worried that once she laid eyes on her old friend again, the feelings she had for her would return, bubbling up unbidden. 

And that scared her. She didn’t want to get hurt anymore. She didn’t want to hurt Catra anymore. They just… weren’t compatible. It wouldn’t end well. So she hoped, she prayed, that the only thing she felt when she saw her companion was friendly affection. 

“Nervous?” Glimmer’s voice snapped Adora out of her thoughts. The queen placed a reassuring hand on her elbow. She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. There was a… soft sadness there, a quiet melancholy. The kind one couldn’t point out without making things awkward. Was it worry? Disappointment? Regret? Adora wasn’t sure, but she longed to comfort her friend all the same. She didn’t want to see her upset for any reason, especially not for anything to do with her.

“Yes, but it’s okay,” Adora answered, trying to be as cheerful as possible. “I know things will work out. You don’t have to worry, Glim. I’ll be strong!”

Her gaze softened even further. “You don’t always have to be strong, Adora. It’s okay to just be. I know this is… nerve-wracking.” She ran her hand up and down her forearm, the contact raising goosebumps on Adora’s skin, a pleasant chill coursing through her body. “I’m here if you need me, okay?” 

“And don’t forget _me,_ too!”, Bow interrupted, crossing his arms in mock indignation. “We’re the Best Friend Squad! We’ve got your back, always.” He then threw himself at Adora, tackling her into a firm hug. She pretended to stagger back from the impact, before returning the hug whole-heartedly. She caught Glimmer’s eye over his shoulder, the queen smirking.

“Okay, Bow, you’ve had your time, it’s my turn now,” she said, pulling Bow off of the blonde with a harsh tug at his crop top. Glimmer’s hug was less forceful, but somehow even more warm and loving. She fit snugly and securely in Adora’s arms, her head naturally resting under her chin, her purple hair as fluffy as a cloud. It felt like she was holding the sun itself, it’s sizzling surface soaking her in sunlight and sugar. It didn’t burn, but it filled her body with an intense, red-hot yearning, a longing for something she couldn’t identify. The name was on the tip of her tongue, tasting like moonlight and lavender, but she couldn’t remember it. It felt momentous, earth-shaking. An epiphany dancing behind her eyelids like the northern lights.

All too soon, the hug was over, but the feelings didn’t vanish. If anything, they only intensified, leaving the blonde breathless. Glimmer had stepped away, but was looking into her eyes, and Adora knew that the tumultuous passion she found there was reflected in her own. She wanted to say something, _anything,_ but her body betrayed her, so she stayed staring like a fool, but Glimmer wasn’t looking away, in fact, she was leaning almost imperceptibly closer, her tongue nervously wetting her lips, and wow, was Adora feeling things, far too many things to be - 

“Hey, Adora.” 

And just like that, the feelings fizzled out, only to be replaced with a jarring emptiness.

The first thing Adora noticed about Catra was her hair. Her messy mane had barely reached her shoulders when they parted ways, but now it was long enough that it was pulled back into a ponytail. Just like in the - _no, don’t think about the future vision. Whatever you do, don’t think about it._ Otherwise, she looked the same as ever - all sharp angles and jagged lines, a fang poking out over her bottom lip, tail waving behind her. 

“Hey, Catra,” Adora mumbled. She meant for her voice to be louder, but the words tripped over one another on the way out of her mouth. She cleared her throat, willing herself to calm down. “How have you been?”

Catra shrugged nonchalantly; while Adora was clearly suffering from the interaction already, the magicat seemed unphased. “I’ve been alright. Knocked a few heads together with Huntara. Been making friends. Trying to stay out of trouble. The usual.” She nodded towards Glimmer, snorting. “I see you’ve already replaced me with Sparkles.” 

Glimmer took a step backwards, her face turning a violent shade of red, her eyes wide with what could have been either outrage or embarrassment. Adora’s own face heated up, as she struggled to defend themselves, somehow feeling more protective of _Glimmer_ than she was of herself. It was one thing if Catra wanted to be rude to her, or insult her. But to bring Glimmer into this was uncalled for and cruel. When Catra disappeared, Glimmer was her rock. She was her haven, her refuge. Her arms kept her safer than any castle ever could, and her voice was the only thing that calmed her after hours spent crying. Catra at one time meant everything to Adora, and she couldn’t imagine ever wanting anything or anyone else. But after the fact, she was able to realize that there were some things Catra just never provided to her, whether she was unable to, or unwilling. Things she didn’t even know she was missing. And Glimmer… Glimmer was everything that her ex _wasn’t._

It was then that Adora realized that she and Catra could never go back to the way things used to be. Those bridges were not only burned, but some of them were never even that stable in the first place. What she had with Glimmer was _real,_ was _healthy,_ and they weren’t even romantically together. If she stayed with Catra, she would be unhappy. She would rather be happy, with Glimmer, without a lover, than for settling for someone who had hurt her. 

But before Adora could even attempt to vocalize any of that, Bow cut in, his voice uncharacteristically hard. “Catra, that’s not fair, and you know it.” 

Catra rolled her eyes, but Adora noticed that she shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously. “It was just a joke, I didn’t mean anything by it.” She looked away, uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. You’re right, that wasn’t fair.”

“It’s okay!” Glimmer blurted, waving her hands frantically. Adora knew her well enough that she _wasn’t_ okay, but was too surprised by her false tolerance to call her out on it. “Don’t worry about it! Um, I would never, uh - “

“You just took us by surprise, that’s all,” Adora cut in, saving Glimmer from stumbling over her words. The queen shot her a grateful look, her cheeks still rosy; Adora reached out and rubbed her back, hoping to calm her. She jolted from the contact, but all too quickly leaned into the touch, much to Adora’s amusement. Her eyes hardened as she turned back to Catra. “So… do you have any plans for the evening?”

“Not really…” Catra scuffed her boot against the ground. “I was going to talk to Mermista, but… I’m not sure if either of us are ready for that yet. I might just tag along with you three for a bit, if that’s okay?”

Half of Adora wanted to say yes. She wanted to feel comfortable with her former lover again. She wanted a sense of closure. The sense that they had both made the right decision, that Catra was okay without her, that she was okay by herself. The other half of her wanted to say no. She wanted to spend the rest of the day with Glimmer and Bow. _Just_ Glimmer and Bow. Maybe even… _Just Glimmer._ She loved Bow, she really did - he understood her better than she understood herself. But what she really wanted was more alone time with her dearest friend, watching her nose crinkle when she smiled, and hearing her melodious laugh. Hugging her just so she could feel her lilac hair tickle her chin. Maybe even holding her hand, admiring how small and soft her hands felt compared to her calloused ones. 

In the end, it didn’t matter what she wanted, because Bow answered for her. “Yeah, that’s fine. We’re all just gonna take it easy, eat some good food and play some games.” 

Still, Catra looked to Adora for confirmation. Adora nodded, her mouth dry. 

Satisfied, the troublemaker smirked. “Well, what are we waiting for then? Lead the way, heart-boy!”

\---

The first thing they did was loop back around to the entrance, to get a plate of roasted vegetables and hand-picked fruit, courtesy of Perfuma. Catra was a bit of a picky-eater, preferring meats and starches, but even she had to admit that the platter was phenomenal. She didn’t bother with a fork, and made a mess, getting crumbs and juice all over her shirt and fur. The sight was oddly endearing, but it didn’t inspire any of the soul-stirring, head-over-heels love she had been accustomed to feeling for the other woman. It was a kind of vague emptiness that felt… pleasurable. The lack of attraction was all the validation Adora needed to put a smile on her face, knowing that things would be okay between her and Catra. That she had moved on, and hopefully Catra had too - that they had grown apart, but could still be friends.

While she had surprisingly managed to figure things out with Catra, her feelings for Glimmer were more confusing and breath-taking than they’d ever been. 

After demolishing their healthy dinner, they headed straight to Scorpia’s station, hoping to top off the meal with the sugariest desserts they could find. It took long moments of contemplation to make a decision, but Bow ended up choosing a slice of rich dark chocolate cake, while Catra settled for a giant cookie chock-full of chocolate chips and cream cheese. Adora and Glimmer both decided on homemade ice cream - Adora’s mint-flavored and loaded with brownie bites, and Glimmer’s strawberry with actual chunks of fruit inside. In the sweltering heat, the treats were already melting, sticky syrup dripping down the sides of their cones, staining their fingers and countless napkins.

“Is yours as good as it looks?” Glimmer asked, wiping pink from her lips. Adora didn’t know why, but she found herself looking at Glimmer’s lips a lot. She had worn rose-colored lipstick today, that perfectly complimented her complexion. Did lipstick taste like anything? She had never worn it herself, and Catra never had, either. It would have to taste good if Glimmer would wear it regularly though, right? Would it taste like her ice cream, or something else entirely?

“It’s delicious,” she said honestly. “I didn’t realize ice cream could taste this good.” Before she could think better of it, she held her cone towards Glimmer. “Want to try some?” 

Adora really didn’t know how she was going to share the dessert with her friend. She patted her pockets with her free hand, hoping she’d have a plastic spoon in one of them, but looked up in shock when Glimmer’s hand wrapped around the one holding her cone. Her skin was warm and smooth, even if it was a little sticky, as she pulled Adora’s hand closer to take a bite out of her ice cream. She pulled back, licking her lips, and smiled, causing Adora’s heart to stutter. She had never felt this way towards _anyone_ before. What did it mean? What was Glimmer _doing_ to her? 

“You’re right, it _is_ delicious,” Glimmer said, smiling. “The brownie pieces were a good touch. Here, try some of mine.” She held her own cone out now, expectantly. 

Lightheaded, Adora leaned forward and took a bite out of her ice cream. It was almost overwhelmingly sweet, but she was too busy focusing on the fact that her lips had touched where _Glimmer’s_ had touched to really enjoy the flavor. Was this a normal thing? Did other people ever feel this way? “It’s great, Glim,” she finally responded, her body feeling fuzzy. Catra, nearby, raised an eyebrow at the two, but didn’t say anything.

They finished the rest of their desserts in silence, but Adora’s thoughts were screaming inside her head. Everything felt new and exciting and frightening, all at the same time. The connection she felt with Glimmer was positively electrifying, in the best way imaginable. She wanted to be closer, as close as possible - she wanted to curl up inside her heart and never leave. She wanted to exist inside of Glimmer’s embrace, giving as much as she took from the queen. She wanted to stay up all night stargazing, naming constellations after her friend, tracing the scars on each other’s skin. She wanted to dance with her in the moonlight, gasping as the moons illuminated her hair, her sparkles outshining the stars. She wanted to press their foreheads together, sharing breaths and a single heartbeat…

Their next stop was Entrapta’s stall - Bow was ecstatic to toy with some of Entrapta’s latest gadgets, and to see how the technician was getting on, especially now that Hordak had passed away (something that Adora was secretly thankful of, but refused to say out loud). Luckily, the inventor was doing well, although as expected, she preferred to excitedly ramble about her latest scientific endeavors than the details of her personal life. She and Bow went back and forth, gushing about technology as he fiddled with her prototypes. Adora grinned; she was glad they could bounce ideas off of each other, and seeing her friends happy, even if she didn’t understand what they were happy about, made _her_ happy.

A tug at her elbow caught her attention. Glimmer was beside her, her eyes twinkling. “Hey, they’ll probably be chatting for a while… do you want to sneak away and check out Frosta’s ice slide?” She pointed her thumb over her shoulder. “I know it’s mostly for kids, but, I want to have fun too, you know?” She blushed.

Adora had to admit, the idea was tempting - the slide _did_ look fun. The kids slipping down it were having a blast, and she was sure the ice would feel refreshing against her sun-soaked skin. “Yeah, let’s go. Catra, you coming with?”

Catra had been lounging against one of the tables, as bored as Adora had ever seen her. She assumed the magicat would be excited at the prospect of doing literally anything else, but she just shook her head. “Nah, I’m not in the mood for getting wet. No thanks. I’ll keep the dorks company.” 

“Suit yourself,” Adora shrugged. She let Glimmer lead her away to Frosta’s exhibit. Glimmer’s fingers shifted down from her elbow to her wrist, before slowly, cautiously, slipping their hands loosely together. The simple action made her head spin, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. This felt so good, so… _perfect._ She had held hands with Catra before, of course, and it had felt wonderful at the time. But never like this. She was giddy - she felt like the bubbles in the bottles of champagne that they had uncapped at Scorpia and Perfuma’s wedding, before everything happened. Her body couldn’t contain all the energy and elation her soul was brimming with. 

They reached the slide all too soon, and their hands fell away, disappointment stabbing her heart. Frosta noticed her two older friends, and greeted them with a face-splitting smile. “Adora! Glimmer! Step right on up!”

Glimmer climbed the steps first, gasping a little at the coldness of the icy railing. 

Adora laughed. “Are you really that surprised? It’s ice, Glim.” 

Glimmer playfully stuck her tongue out at the warrior, and Adora wanted so badly to close the distance between them, to press their lips together… Before now, Adora had only ever kissed one person. She wondered how Glimmer’s lips would feel compared to Catra’s. Would they be softer, more inviting? Would they be warmer, more enticing? Adora was keen to find out, but too nervous to actually do anything about it. They were friends. Friends didn’t kiss. Kisses on the cheek, on the forehead, that was alright. She and Glimmer had done those. But on the lips? That was reserved solely for lovers. So why did she want to kiss her?

“You coming, ‘Dora?” Glimmer was at the top of the slide, looking over her shoulder. Realizing she had been lost in her thoughts, Adora quickly scrambled up behind her, standing a couple rungs down from the queen. 

“So, are you going to go down, or not?” Adora teased. “You’re not nervous are you?”

Glimmer giggled. “Of course I’m not nervous. I’ve never been afraid of heights. But there’s plenty of room. If you want, we can go down together.”

Together? “Sure, we can do that,” she said. Glimmer sat down, legs outstretched, while Adora climbed the last couple steps and sat behind her. She situated Glimmer between her legs, making sure she was snug, when the queen leaned backwards, letting her back rest against her chest. Without even thinking, Adora wrapped her arms around her friend, holding her securely around the middle. Adora prayed that Glimmer couldn’t feel her heart pounding against her spine, that she couldn’t feel the nervous anticipation swirling within her stomach. All the things Adora felt… they felt so _right._ They didn’t make sense, but they felt good. Better than good. Amazing. Wonderful.

They slid down together, laughing, enjoying the ice against their skin, but more significantly, all the ways their bodies were touching. Adora buried her face in Glimmer’s fluffy hair, and breathed deeply, inhaling her cherry blossom and lilac scent. It was almost intoxicating, causing her heart to do backflips in her chest more than the ground rising up to meet them ever could. 

Frosta was waiting for them at the bottom, standing proudly. “What did you think? Was it fun?”

Glimmer stood up first, and Adora immediately mourned the loss of her perfume and soft skin. “It was a blast, Frosta. You did an amazing job!”

By the time they wandered back over to the rest of their friend group, Bow and Entrapta had finally finished their animated conversation, and he was just beginning to look for them. “Oh, there you guys are! Where to next?”

“Let’s do something actually _cool,”_ Catra grumbled. “Like… play a game. There’s games here, right? I saw some kid walking around with a giant stuffed horse. Let’s win some shit.”

They all agreed, and quickly found a booth that promised a large plush animal if you could pass a test of strength. All you had to do was hit a lever with a hammer hard enough that it would ring a bell at the top of a tower. Easy enough in concept. Not so easy in reality. Bow took the first crack, and the lever only made it about a third of the way up the tower. Catra promptly laughed at him, before taking a swing herself… and failing just as badly. Glimmer was up next, and using all her might, she managed to hit the halfway point, much to the amazement of several onlookers. Which left Adora. Confidently, she smashed the mallet into the plate, and at first she thought she had done it… only to find the lever falling just before ringing the bell.

“This thing is rigged,” Catra huffed, her tail twitching with annoyance.

Glimmer sighed, disappointed. “I really wanted that stuffed owl… oh well.” The owl in question was nearly three feet tall, and covered in pastel fluff, starting with pink at the head before fading into blue for the body and green for the talons. It matched Glimmer’s aesthetic perfectly, and Adora decided that she didn’t care if the game was rigged, she was going to win her that owl, dammit.

“For the honor of Grayskull!”

The magic consumed her in a flash, like it had so many times before. She had become so used to the transformation sequence that it didn’t phase her anymore. A hush fell over everyone in their vicinity as they stared at the glowing demigoddess towering over them. Adora - She-Ra - picked up the hammer again, which now felt like a children’s toy in her large hands. She raised it overhead with both hands (which was needlessly dramatic, but Adora wasn’t above showing off) before striking the metal with all her might. The bell didn’t ring - because the bell was now _broken_ from the strength of her blow. The satyr in charge of handing out prizes gulped, before passing the giantess the colorful owl.

She transformed back to her usual self, clutching the owl tightly to her chest. Beaming, she turned to an awe-struck Glimmer, wordlessly holding the massive plush toy out to her friend. 

“Adora, you’re the _best,_ I love you!” She snatched the owl from her grasp, before lightly setting it on the ground and tackling the blonde. “Thank you so much! You’re so sweet!” She kissed Adora's cheek, and the warrior's heart briefly forgot how to beat.

She blushed; her face felt like a wildfire, blazing out of control. “Anything for you, Glim.” She returned the hug with fervor. 

“And - and you were _so_ cool, too!”, Glimmer gushed. “That was amazing!”

Adora chuckled, slightly embarrassed by the praise she was receiving. “You’ve seen me turn into She-Ra dozens of times, this is nothing new, silly.” 

“So?” Glimmer finally let go of her, resting her hands on her shoulders. “She-Ra is always amazing, no matter how many times I’ve seen her.” Adora had never seen the queen so happy. And best of all, she was happy _because of her._ She wanted to bottle this feeling up, and carry it with her always and forever. 

_“Ahem.”_ Bow cleared his throat, catching their attention. “That was great and all, but the fireworks will be starting soon, now that it’s starting to get dark out. I promised Jewelstar I would meet up with him to watch them, so…”

“Yeah, of course, go!” Glimmer waved him off. “We can handle ourselves without you for a little bit, Bow. Have fun!”

Thankful, Bow dashed off, heading towards whatever meeting-place he and Jewelstar had decided upon earlier that day. 

Catra wandered closer, smirking. “That was pretty impressive, Adora. I gotta hand it to you. You really showed that rigged machine what’s what.” 

Adora rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Should we go somewhere that has a better view, so we can see the fireworks?”

“Sure, I think there’s a decent spot over that way,” she said, pointing in the other direction. 

“Sounds good, let’s go!” She started walking towards the destination Catra had in mind, before realizing Glimmer wasn’t following them. “You coming, Glim?”

Glimmer shook her head, sadly. “Thanks, but… I should leave you two alone. You haven’t had a chance to really… talk about things yet.” She forced a smile, but it was clear she was upset. “I’ll be okay, I’ll go find someplace that’s not crowded.” She picked up the giant owl, walking backwards. “Thank you again, Adora. I really appreciate it. Have fun, you two.” Before Adora could say anything in response, she had turned and disappeared into the throng of people.

“Oh…” Disappointment weighed heavy in Adora’s chest. She didn’t mind being with Catra, not really, but she wasn’t Glimmer. She could never be Glimmer. And while she knew she was supposed to talk about things with Catra, she’d rather spend the night with her closest friend, watching explosions carve up the sky, their hands touching as they sat in the grass. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” Catra asked.

“Of course I do!” Adora answered without hesitation. “How could I not? She’s my best friend, Catra. After… After you left, we spent a lot of time together. She was the reason I got out of bed every morning, and the reason I closed my eyes at night. I love her. I’ve always loved her, even when we first met, and didn’t know anything about each other. She just… drew me in. I’ve never met anyone like her, and I’ll never meet anyone else who even comes close to her. She’s perfect. I want her to be happy. I want her to be as happy as she’s made me. Her smile is brighter than the sun and her laugh as transcendent as the moon. She makes me feel safe, and loved, and I only hope I make her feel the same way. I…” Catra was staring at her distantly, her eyes glazed. “What?”

Catra laughed. Actually threw her head back, and laughed. It was loud, too loud, definitely at least somewhat forced. “I’m sorry, Adora, you’re just, such an idiot. What are you doing here with me? Go find her.”

Adora was confused. “What do you mean?”

Catra took Adora’s hand in her own. “Adora, I love you. I always will. But we just weren’t good for each other. I hurt you, without meaning to, again and again. I thought you were happy with me, at first. But I realized that no, you never were, even if we were both too stupid to realize it at the time.” She took a deep breath. “But today, I saw you happy. This was the happiest I have _ever_ seen you. And it was because of Glimmer.

“Adora, you’re in love with her. And I’m pretty sure she’s in love with you, too. No, I _know_ she’s in love with you. After all, who wouldn’t be?” Her eyes welled up with tears. “You two were meant for each other. So, go. Go find her. Tell her you love her.”

“I love Glimmer.” It was a statement, not a question. She said it again. “I love Glimmer. I _love_ Glimmer.” Adora thought she would explode. Her heart was a bouquet of yellow and red roses. Everything made sense now. All of it. This was what love was supposed to feel like. Real love. 

“Go get her, tiger.” Catra patted her shoulder.

“Wait, what about you?”

Catra looked at her, an unreadable expression in her eyes. If Adora didn’t know any better, she looked like she was going to cry - but she didn’t. “Don’t worry about me, dumbass. Go find your girl.” She nodded at Adora, and the blonde realized that this was the moment they finally let each other go, while building a new, stronger, more stable friendship in the ashes of their previous passion. 

Adora wanted to thank Catra, but before she could get the words out, Catra cut her off, the moment already gone. “What are you standing around for? Go already!” 

Adora didn’t need to be told twice. She ran back the way they had come, elbowing her way through the crowd, only feeling mildly apologetic when she stepped on someone’s foot. She looked around in all directions, hoping to see Glimmer’s telltale shock of pink hair peeking out from among the gathered faces, but she couldn’t find the royal anywhere. The darkening sky wasn’t helping her quest, either. After a few fruitless moments of searching, she escaped the mob of people, hoping to catch her breath before going in for a second try. She almost considered turning back into She-Ra, using the extra two feet of height the form gave her to loom over the swarm of partygoers; the fireworks were going to start soon, and how was she supposed to profess her love to her friend over the thunder of explosives? 

But luck was, thankfully, on her side that evening. As she spun around to re-enter the crowd, she spotted a lone figure standing some distance away in the grass, a large plush toy sitting beside her. The moonlight lit up her lilac hair, the shimmering pastel strands glowing like stars. 

_Glimmer._

Adora ran as fast as her legs would carry her. Even when she was being chased by Horde soldiers, or mystical creatures, she had never sprinted this fast. She was at the shorter woman’s side in an instant; to say Glimmer was surprised was an understatement.

“Adora! What are you doing here?”

_Stars, she was beautiful._

How could she have ever denied the attraction she felt towards Glimmer? For years, she had felt like something was missing from her life, something profound and untouchable, and what she needed - who she needed - was right in front of her all along. 

“Glimmer, I love you!” The confession poured from Adora’s lips, flowing like honey and ichor. “I love you! I don’t want to pretend that I don’t. I don’t want to be just friends. I… I want to be with you! And only you!” 

Glimmer’s mouth fell open, her eyes glistening with a strange mixture of hope and disbelief. “But… Adora! What about the future you saw? What about fate?”

“I don’t care about fate! I want to choose my destiny - and I choose _you!”_

Leaning forward, Adora captured Glimmer’s lips with her own, just as the first of the fireworks fractured the night sky. She was right - Glimmer’s lipstick _did_ taste good. Her mouth was warm and soft, inviting Adora in closer, encouraging her to bring her hands to rest on her hips. Glimmer’s lips moved against hers, slowly and sweetly, so much so that Adora wanted to weep from relief and wonder. She grabbed her by her jacket collar, pressing their bodies together; they fit perfectly, like long-lost puzzle pieces, finally reunited. She wanted to memorize every inch of the queen’s body, every dip and curve, to always remember how perfect it felt to hold her like this, love her like this, as explosions lit up the sky and each other’s hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Click here to see the art in all it's glory on tumblr!](https://freezingmyblitzballs.tumblr.com/post/622049320182693888/glimmers-mouth-fell-open-her-eyes-glistening)
> 
> The next chapter may be delayed - glimmadora week is coming up august 15 - 22, and I'm planning to participate! If you're interested in participating too, [click here to learn more!](https://glimmadoraweek2020.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, any kudos or comments are greatly appreciated, even if it's only a one word response!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry for updating so late. I was busy making stuff for Glimmadora week, and a lot of personal stuff happened, so this chapter got severely delayed.
> 
> Good news though - the chapter count has updated again, there are TWO chapters left after this one! And while I can't promise I'll be on a regular updating schedule after this, I do know that there shouldn't be month-long waits for the next two chapters. 
> 
> Huge thank you to everyone on discord who helped motivate and inspire me to finally get this thing posted! Enjoy!

Every moment Adora spent with Glimmer felt divine. Her touch was heavenly, soothing her soul with the gentlest of gestures, as her hands glided over her scars, tenderly caressing the twisted tissue. She could feel her trauma slowly unraveling; it was still there, and still very much real, but the weight on her shoulders was getting lighter, and the chain around her throat getting looser. Her angelic voice did incredible things to Adora’s body, her stomach flipping and her heart racing as her new lover whispered such sweet, softhearted reflections against her skin. And of course, her kisses were nothing short of a miracle itself; her lips pressing against her forehead, eyes, cheeks, nose, chin, then finally her own mouth, lovingly claiming the warrior as her own. Adora would run her fingers through her starlit hair, deepening the kiss, blushing feverishly as the queen would sigh contentedly against her, her hands landing on the blonde’s hips.

Whereas every romantic moment with Catra was a quietly violent game of tug and war, a competition to see who could take, take, take the most, her time with Glimmer was spent like the ebb and flow of the tide, equal parts give and take, always asking, always accepting. It took Adora’s breath away, the way that Glimmer cared for her, the way she held her tightly, her growing wings fluttering as Adora’s hands brushed her pastel feathers, the sparkles in her hair multiplying as they pressed their bodies closer together. It was new, it was refreshing, it was _exciting,_ and Adora was addicted to her laugh, her taste, her love. 

Who knew being in love could feel so _good?_

\--- 

It was early, far too early for Glimmer to be up willingly, but the prospect of having tea with her new girlfriend and her father must have outweighed the numerous pros of staying in bed for a few more hours, because she was happily humming as she dunked her tea bag into her cup. Adora, who had always indulged in the sweeter side of things since realizing there were more flavors in the world than “bitter” and “more bitter” after leaving the Horde, stirred milk and honey into hers, blushing slightly when Micah laughed.

“It’s just green tea, it doesn’t taste _that_ bad,” the king guffawed. Unlike his daughter, Micah was very much a morning person, even by Adora’s standards; sure, the soldier might wake up early, but it was out of _routine_ instead of _enjoyment._ She woke up to get a head start on the day, not so she could sit on the castle terrace watching the sun and moons rise over the forest, heralding a new dawn.

But that was exactly what they were doing right now, and Adora couldn’t find it in herself to complain. Especially not with Glimmer sitting beside her, legs crossed, eyes twinkling as she admired her girlfriend wordlessly. Adora’s heart nearly skipped a beat, feeling herself get lost in the endless constellations of those lilac skies…

“So,” Micah began, clearing his throat, “How long have you two been a thing?”

Glimmer nearly choked on her tea, a furious blush coating her cheeks, the cup clanking against the tiny plate on the table. Adora felt her own face heat up, while the rest of her body remained frozen, her limbs and chest icy with apprehension and worry. That was, until she forced her gaze upwards and met Micah’s eyes, and realized the royal was smirking, genuinely delighted to have caught the two off guard; there was no anger or disapproval in his expression.

“ _Dad,_ ” Glimmer finally managed, embarrassed (hopefully not about being with Adora, but by being caught off-guard). 

Micah laughed again. “Don’t even try to deny it! I’ve seen how happy you two have been lately, and it’s clear you’re absolutely enamored with each other…”

Was it that obvious? They hadn’t told anyone yet, because… well, they didn’t really have a reason _not_ to tell their friends, but… it was nice, just for the time being, to have each other just to themselves. The truth was, Glimmer was a queen, and had proven in the time since her coronation to be a very popular one; after all, she was the ruler who had led them through the end of the war, and helped them rebuild in the aftermath, and besides, how could you _not_ look up to her? Her people were loyally devoted, and while they respected her privacy, word traveled through the kingdom _fast._ As soon as they told their friend group about their relationship status, it would be a ticking time bomb until someone excitedly let slip, or someone spied on them, and soon half of Etheria would know.

And the attention would truly be endless. The Queen of Bright Moon and the legendary She-Ra, who had a bad, very unfortunately public split with the Horde defector, Catra…

Glimmer reached over, grabbing Adora’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “We’ve been together only about a week,” she said shyly. Hydrangeas and hyacinths bloomed in Adora’s chest, sprouting through the gaps in her ribcage. It may have only been a week, but it felt like she had loved Glimmer for an eternity. Maybe, she had.

Adora had no idea how much affection was appropriate to show in front of your partner’s father, but she couldn’t resist herself from leaning over and kissing Glimmer’s cheek, her girlfriend almost squeaking in response, her face growing even more red. Too far?

Micah clasped his hands in front of his chest, a wide smile lighting up his face. His eyes shimmered with mirth. “I’m so happy for you two. I always thought you’d make a good couple. I’ve seen how my baby looks at you - “

“Dad!” Glimmer interjected again, even more embarrassed than before. 

Micah continued, ignoring her outburst. “And I’ve seen the way you look at her, Adora. It… reminded me of me and Angie, and… I want the two of you to be happy.” If Adora didn’t know any better, it looked like tears were forming in his eyes.

At the mention of her mom, Glimmer herself was growing emotional, a wobbly smile forming as she looked up at her father. “Thank you, Dad.”

“And don’t worry, King Micah,” Adora added, puffing her chest out and resting an arm over the back of Glimmer’s chair, “I promise I’ll do everything I can to keep Glimmer safe and happy. I’ll make sure she never is left wanting or needing in her life.” 

“Adora!” Glimmer gasped, taken aback by the conviction in her girlfriend’s words. The look she gave the blonde in turn was filled with love and adoration, her coy smile once again doing wonders to Adora’s insides.

Micah’s smile softened, a tiny bit of sadness hidden in its depths. “I know you will, Adora. I know.” 

\---

Adora so desperately wanted to reach out and hold Glimmer’s hand, but it was too dangerous. There were servants running up and down the hall, and guards making their patrols, so the blonde resigned herself to keeping her hands at her side, only glancing at her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye, giggling to themselves quietly whenever they caught the other looking. 

They made a promise to themselves - they wouldn’t make their relationship public until they told Bow. As their best friend, they felt he deserved to know before the rest. The only problem was that, once again, he was back in space with Jewelstar. He said it was for “a very important mission”, but Glimmer and Adora both knew that what he really meant was “it’s an opportunity for me to makeout with my boyfriend on every planet in the galaxy.” Which, to be fair, Adora couldn’t really blame him - there was something intensely romantic about kissing your partner in the farthest reaches of the universe. But for now, she and Glimmer would have to settle for kissing in every kingdom of Etheria first, considering the neverending amount of royal duties burdening them were keeping them planetbound for the foreseeable future.

It had been a couple of weeks, but Bow was finally heading back home, and would arrive sometime this evening. Which meant Adora and Glimmer had a few hours to prepare themselves for their companion’s return. A few hours that would, more likely than not, be spent cuddling in each other’s arms in Glimmer’s floating bed while discussing how best to break the news to Bow. Not that they were worried about him reacting negatively - but it was still a big change to the Best Friend Squad dynamics, and warranted as easy a transition as possible.

Arriving at the door to Glimmer’s chambers, and ignoring the guards stationed outside, Adora opened the door for her lover, gesturing grandly for her to enter first. “After you, your highness,” Adora said deeply.

Glimmer fake-curtsied in response, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Thank you, sir knight,” she said, entering the room with an exaggerated air of importance.

Adora had just managed to shut the door behind her, when she suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle. Her girlfriend smiled at her coyly, looking absolutely radiant, her star-speckled hair and shimmering eyes impossible to look away from. 

“We’re finally alone, ‘Dora,” she said softly, just above a whisper. Without further ado, she stood on tiptoes to kiss the warrior sweetly on her lips, her hands squeezing the taller woman’s waist.

Keeping their hands and eyes off of each other in public was hard. All those long hours in meetings, with friends, in town, were excruciating, and all the love they wanted to show each other just built up, and up, and up, until suddenly they would be alone, at last, and it was like the most intense sigh of relief, like the peaceful center in the eye of a storm, where they could finally kiss and hold each other, finding solace in one another’s souls. 

Adora melted into the kiss, her hands rising to settle on the queen’s hips, her thumbs gently rubbing the soft flesh there. Glimmer sighed contentedly, deepening the kiss, pressing herself closer to her lover, their bodies fitting together perfectly, as though they had once been one. With every honeyed touch and movement, Glimmer was saying “I am yours, and you are mine.”

Adora wanted to be hers. She had never wanted anything more in her life.

_“Wait! What is going on?!”_

Both women jumped as though electrocuted, as they turned to find their best friend on the opposite side of the room, blushing madly, his hands covering his eyes in horror.

“Bow! What the hell are you _doing_ here?” Glimmer demanded, her face redder than Adora had ever seen it.

“Why are you here?” Adora added, confused, frustrated, and horrifyingly surprised. “You weren’t supposed to be back until later!”

“I wanted to surprise you!” Bow yelled, his voice cracking multiple times on just those few words. “So I lied about when I’d be coming back, and hid here, and - none of that matters right now, I didn’t realize… why were you two...“

“Kissing?” Glimmer grumbled, just as perturbed as Adora was at being caught in such an intimate moment, and having it be cut short. 

“Yes!” Bow shrieked.

Moving forward, Adora stood beside Glimmer, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to her. Glimmer rested her head against Adora’s shoulder instinctively, curling into her embrace. “We were kissing because… we’re together, Bow. We weren’t going to tell you this way, but…”

Finally composed enough to remove his hands from his face, Bow stared at his companions in shock. “Since when?!”

“Since the festival,” Adora said shyly. “We, uh, we wanted you to be the first person to know, before word gets out and the entire kingdom has heard about it. I mean, Micah knew, but we didn’t tell him, and Catra… kind of goaded me into doing something about it in the first place, but that’s besides the point.”

Bow moved closer, his face slowly returning to it’s normal complexion. Suddenly, he launched himself at the couple, wrapping his arms around them in a back-breaking hug. “Oh! I’m so happy for you two! I didn’t… I had _no_ idea, I…”

“What do you mean ‘you had no idea’?” Glimmer said, after he released them from his crushing embrace. “I know you used to read my diary, Bow!”

Adora’s heart jumped in her chest. Diary? Glimmer wrote about her in her diary? And Bow _knew?_ How long had she had a crush on her…? Had Glimmer crushed on her _this entire time?_

“Well, yeah, but…” Bow trailed off awkwardly, rubbing his neck. “That was all, before, you know… you became queen, and… I just figured with everything that happened, that - “

“Well, you thought wrong, Bow,” Glimmer interrupted, grabbing Adora’s hand, squeezing softly. “I _never_ stopped loving Adora. Not even for a single second. If anything, everything that happened just made me realize _how much_ I loved her.” She reached up with her other hand and gently caressed Adora’s cheek, staring into her slate blue eyes. Adora trembled, her love for Glimmer nearly overpowering, earth-shattering, world-changing. 

_“You guys,”_ Bow whispered, his eyes shining with tears, and he once again threw himself at his two oldest friends, who were only too happy to return the hug.

\---

After telling Bow, Adora and Glimmer both agreed the next person to know should be Castaspella - not because they particularly _wanted_ to have that conversation with her aunt, but because her fury at finding out the news secondhand would be inescapable. Casta could be very petty when she wanted to be, and it would be made all the worse by the fact she had apparently been trying to play matchmaker behind the scenes for the two for _years._

“Wait, she _also_ knew you had a crush on me?” Adora asked, taken aback. Even after weeks of dating the queen, she was still flustered to imagine that Glimmer had been pining after her before they got together. 

“Well, yeah,” Glimmer answered, uncharacteristically shy, playing with her hair. “She found out, uh… after the war was over. I visited her for a few days, and she wouldn’t stop pestering me, giving me the _worst_ possible advice. And yet she wonders why she’s single.” She rolled her eyes, but Adora knew she still loved her aunt, even if she did get on her nerves constantly.

The two got comfortable on Glimmer’s floating bed before calling Casta on the commpad, making sure both their faces were in view of the camera while they waited for the sorcerer to pick up. On the fourth ring, she did, but instead of being greeted with her face, they were presented with a close up of her collarbone. 

“Glimmer!” Casta greeted enthusiastically. “And Adora! Hello, ladies!” 

Adora desperately tried to hold back a laugh, while Glimmer once again rolled her eyes. “Aunt Casta, the camera is too low. We can’t see your face.”

“Oh!” Casta squeaked. After a bit of reconfiguring, they could finally see her face, framed by her jet black hair. Her eyes were sunken, surrounded by dark circles, but she was smiling. “You’ll have to forgive me, dear, I’m a bit out of it this morning. I was up late last night reading this romance novel I borrowed from Spinnerella. It’s about these two women, one a knight and one a princess, who fall in love while - “

“That’s great, Aunt Casta,” Glimmer interrupted loudly, quick to change the subject, “but we don’t have a lot of time before the next meeting, and we actually have something to tell you.” 

“Oh, of course, of course, go on, honey,” Castaspella said with a wave of her hands. “I’m all ears. What’s the tea?”

This time, Adora couldn’t stop herself from laughing, while Glimmer groaned loudly beside her. 

Casta frowned. “Did I use that wrong? I overheard the students saying it. I don’t really get your generation’s lingo. None of you even drink tea.”

“No, you used it right, unfortunately,” Glimmer said with a sigh. “Anyways! We’re calling to let you know that... Adora and I are dating.” The blonde gently grabbed Glimmer’s hands at the words, while the queen rested her head on her shoulder, snuggling as close as possible to the warrior.

Casta’s gasp could have drained the atmosphere of oxygen. Neither had ever seen the sorcerer so excited and surprised. “This is _wonderful_ news. Oh, I’m so, so happy for the two of you! I knew things would work out! I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you, Adora, that you would make my niece the happiest woman in Etheria! This is just marvelous! You’re in luck, I just bought some more yarn when I visited Thaymor, I can make matching sweaters just for you two! You’ll have to give me a list of your favorite colors, and patterns! Why stop there? I could knit matching socks, too! You have to visit soon, I have so many ideas…”

Adora thankfully zoned out for the rest of the ten minute call, and instead focused on how warm and soft her embarrassed girlfriend was, planting kisses on the top of her head, murmuring affirmations of love into her lilac hair. 

Needless to say, by the time Adora and Glimmer left their meeting an hour later, half the castle was aware of their relationship status. Casta was many things, but ‘quiet’ was not one of them.

\---

A week later, Adora and Glimmer were surprised to find a massive bouquet of flowers outside her door - roses with bursting, blushing blossoms; tulips with bright, glossy bulbs; violets with vibrant, velvety petals; and several other flowers that Adora couldn’t name, in soft, golden hues and gentle, pink pastels. She stared in awe at the sight, gingerly reaching out to cradle a fluffy, coral blossom in her palm. 

“Oh, these zinnias are _gorgeous,_ ” Glimmer gasped, giving name to the flower Adora was holding. “I’ve never seen any this pink before! And the lilies are breathtaking! Who is this from?”

Adora reached for the elegant card resting at the bottom of the bouquet, held to the vase by pink and yellow ribbons. It slipped out easily, and she read the contents out loud.

“To Glimmer and Adora -

Congratulations on taking the first steps of your romantic journey together! We hope that your love only continues to grow and blossom with time, and that you can find peace and security within each other’s souls. You two deserve to be happy more than anyone else we know. Good luck, and let us know next time you’re in Plumeria - we’d love to do a double date!

Love, 

Perfuma and Scorpia.”

Adora couldn’t help but blush at the kind (if not sappy) words, and passed the letter to Glimmer to read, while hugging her girlfriend tightly, burying her face in her soft hair. 

The queen giggled. “Well, that explains the flowers. They’re so sweet, we’ll absolutely have to plan a trip as soon as our duties allow. What do you think, ‘Dora?”

Adora snuggled deeper into her embrace, squeezing her girlfriend’s waist. “It sounds perfect,” she said sincerely.

This was just one of several congratulatory surprises the two women had received since publicly announcing their relationship. Mermista and Seahawk had mailed them a letter stained with ash and smoke, the envelope partially singed, but still legible. The paper inside, in contrast to the envelope, was crinkled from seawater, with a simple celebratory message written in Mermista’s extravagant cursive script, followed by a P.S. blaming Seahawk for any… complications with the letter’s arrival. Frosta, visiting on a diplomatic mission, had given Glimmer an almost never-ending hug, followed by an icy glare and threats to Adora, if she ever hurt the royal in any way, shape, or form. Entrapta had chatted with them over the commpad, although she was more interested in the possibility of them having children further down the line so she could study their magical powers, which was… concerning, to say the least. 

They brought the bouquet into Glimmer’s room - which was also basically Adora’s room, at this point - and proudly displayed the flowers on the center table.

\---

It was early morning, so early that it may as well have still been night. The castle was uncharacteristically silent, the guards on duty standing motionless, expressions unreadable beneath their visors. They paid no mind to Adora, knowing that she was the last person to ever threaten the safety of the palace’s denizens. The warrior walked with long, purposeful strides, already dressed for the day ahead, kept warm in one of Glimmer’s old hoodies, the blue and purple fabric still smelling of her girlfriend - lilacs, lavender, and lilies. 

She was unsurprised to find the Great Hall completely vacant. Even Micah, her only other competition for earliest riser in the castle, was likely still asleep, dreaming the dreams of kings. The ornate chairs circled the roundtable, each one designated for a specific princess, but soon, Adora would be swapping seats. ‘It is tradition,’ Micah had said, ‘that the Queen’s consort should sit beside her.’ And so, at the very next meeting later that day, Adora would sit in Micah’s old throne, just like she had done all those years ago, by accident. It was almost as if fate knew she would be destined for that role, in time.

But Adora wasn’t thinking about any of that right now. No, she walked past the table to the back of the room, and stood in front of Queen Angella’s mural. She had to crane her head back to make eye contact with the painting, getting lost in the mauve brushstrokes. The queen was positively radiant, the mural managing to maintain the elegance and grace that the ruler had possessed during her reign. Her pink hair fell in vibrant waves past her shoulders, her arms outstretched, holding orbs of light in her hands that could easily vaporize any opposition. Her earrings, the same that Glimmer wore now, and the gems on her forehead and chest were a dazzling, spotless white. Rosy wings flared out from behind her, the texturework on her pastel feathers breathtaking, her wingspan much wider than Adora was tall. 

Taking a deep breath, Adora dropped to her knees in front of the mural, hands clasped in her lap, gaze downwards. For a long while, she said nothing, thinking her thoughts over, slowly and surely, before summoning words to her tongue.

“Queen Angella, I want to start by apologizing. The last thing you ever said to me - the last thing you ever said to _anyone_ \- was for me and Glimmer to take care of each other. But I failed. We argued. We fought. And then, she was taken captive by Horde Prime. The Sword of Protection was shattered, and we had King Micah back - he loves and misses you so much, by the way - but Glimmer was _gone._ I never wanted to admit it to anyone, not even myself, but I was scared. I was afraid we’d never get her back, that Etheria would be in ruins, and we’d just be another footnote in a history book on some planet we don’t even know exists.

“But I never gave up. Even when it felt hopeless, I kept trying, again and again. I pushed my body to its limits. We all did, really. Bow, he missed Glimmer almost as much as I did, and of course Micah worked himself to the bone to rescue her. All the princesses teamed up to get her back safely, and I can’t thank them enough for their hard work and perseverance, because I know they thought it was a dead cause, too, at some points… It sounds awful, I suppose, but in many ways, I was more concerned about Glimmer’s safety than that of Etheria as a whole. I know it’s needlessly selfish to value one person’s life over the safety of millions, but, if there’s one thing I’ve learned after this entire ordeal, is that it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to want things, even if it doesn’t make sense.

“Getting Glimmer back was worth more than seeing all the stars in the night sky. She shines brighter than all of them combined. I knew, once we hugged each other on the ship, that I was never letting her go ever again, and I knew she felt the same way, too. When I first met your daughter, years ago in the Whispering Woods… I felt something. It’s hard to describe. But it was the first time I had ever experienced it. It was like… this heart-racing spark, this feeling that you just _know_ someone is going to be an important part of your life. It was new, and foreign, but intoxicating, and even if it took me a long time to realize it, I think that was when I first fell in love with her. How could I not? She’s beautiful, and intelligent, and charming, and funny, and…

“Well, of course you know that she’s all those things, already. And I think… I think I would have been able to realize it sooner, if it weren’t for fate, of all things. The Heart showed me a vision. It showed me getting married… to Catra. I know, I know. It’s ridiculous, looking back on it. I know you didn’t have a very favorable opinion of her when you were alive. I mean, she kind of… well… you might still be here, otherwise, right? I’m sorry. This is really dark, and I didn’t want to talk about such sad things. The point is, I was sure I was meant to be with Catra, and while that didn’t overwrite the wrongs she’s done, it made me believe that there would be no more of them in our future.

“I was wrong, of course. Things soured quickly. It was like having the earth crumble beneath your feet. I was so sure that I had a safe, stable future to turn to, and I was realizing it was all a ruse, a cruel trick to kick me when I’m already down. Dangling security in front of my face, only to rip it all away. But it had to happen, it was _meant_ to happen, and that brings me to the real reason I’m here. 

“I love Glimmer. I think I always have. This is probably going to sound like one of Mermista’s romance novels, but I think our love transcends lifetimes. If you go to George and Lance’s library, and pull out the oldest, dustiest books on the shelf, you could find our love written in the pages. The way I feel about her, the way she feels about me, it’s woven into every strand of time, of history. I loved her in a past life, I know it, and I know I’ll love her in the next. Maybe our names, our faces, will change, but our souls will remain the same, and I will always be drawn to her, no matter what, and I hope she feels the same way.

“You’d be so proud of her, Queen Angella. She’s grown her hair out a bit, and it reminds me so much of you. She’s brave, courageous, and fiery. And she misses you so much. I… I just need you to know that I’m going to listen to you, and take your words to my grave. I’ll take care of her, I promise. I’ll do everything I can to keep her happy and safe. I can’t imagine a life without her in it, and I would never want to. I’ve never been in a relationship this equal, this peaceful, and it’s scary, sometimes. It’s like I’m waiting for the inevitable outburst, the anger, the fighting… but I also feel safe. I feel loved. And I just pray that I can make her feel the same. 

“I hope… wherever you are now, whether you’re listening to me or not… that you approve of us. That this is what you want. Because I promise I’ll treat her right. I’ll treat her like a queen. It’s what she deserves. And… thank you. For letting me join the rebellion. You didn’t have to give me a chance. But you did, and you changed my life forever. So thank you, Queen Angella. I just wish I could have said these words while you were still alive.”

When Adora finally rose to her feet and made eye contact with the mural, a rainbow was reflected in the white jewels on the painting, as the sun finally rose over the mountains.

\--- 

Being queen wasn’t easy. 

Adora had heard her fair share of castle staff and civilians complain that Glimmer’s role was that of nothing more than a figurehead, a leader by title only, who let her underlings handle everything. As if she didn’t spend dozens of hours reading important documents, signing mountains of paperwork, traveling to distant kingdoms, organizing task forces, debilitating over agonizing decisions, constantly putting her own people first. Glimmer was involved in almost every executive action in the kingdom, and often refused to let smaller committees handle affairs without her oversight.

And it was really beginning to take its toll on her. There were dark bags under her violet eyes, her magic powers were weakening as she neglected her own health, and Adora had to practically drag her to bed late at night, telling her that the documents she was reading could wait until the morning, that she needed to rest. And even then, she slept fitfully, tossing and turning no matter how tightly Adora held her, or how many gentle, reassuring words she whispered in her ear. To make matters worse, her wings were slowly growing in, and the limbs ached, especially when she would stubbornly refuse to visit the healers between meetings. 

It was barely midday, but Glimmer could hardly keep her eyes open, her head drooping with sleep, then frantically jolting awake when she realized she was dozing off, desperately trying to stay cognizant enough to pay attention to the speaking princesses at the council meeting. Adora, sitting beside her in a throne that would have been too big for She-Ra, rested her hand on Glimmer’s thigh, in an attempt to offer comfort. 

Leaning in close, she whispered just loud enough for her to hear, “Only a few more minutes, than we can take a break, love.” 

Glimmer shook her head, in an attempt to both brush off Adora’s words, and to keep her exhaustion at bay. “There’s too much to be done. I have to meet with Alwyn’s mayor in half an hour.”

Adora frowned, but decided to wait until the meeting was over to discuss things further. Luckily, the speaker finished their report moments later, and with no questions from anyone present, the council was adjourned, everyone rising out of their seats and heading off to wherever their duties took them next. Glimmer was about to join them, but the warrior was quick to gently grasp her girlfriend’s wrist.

“Glim, you have to take care of yourself. I’m worried about you,” Adora murmured, rubbing her thumb over her skin. “You’re running yourself ragged. If you don’t rest, your body will give out on you.” 

Glimmer’s eyes darted away from Adora’s face, sheepish. “I know, but… I _can’t,_ Adora. My people need me.”

“Your people need a queen who is healthy, and at her prime,” Adora countered. “This isn’t good for you.”

She looked about to argue more, when Bow, who had been silently watching the exchange, rested his hand on Glimmer’s shoulder. “She’s right, Glimmer. There are plenty of others who can handle the schedule for the rest of the day - I know your father already volunteered. You can’t possibly do all of this by yourself. You need to recharge, physically and mentally.” 

“Please, Glim,” Adora pleaded, squeezing her wrist. “We love you, and we care about you. Everything else can wait.”

With a sigh, Glimmer succumbed to her friend's efforts, relaxing her shoulders and leaning against the blonde heavily. Adora quickly wrapped her arms around her lover, pulling her close. 

“Okay, but just for the rest of today,” the queen conceded, tucking her head beneath Adora’s chin. 

Bow and Adora shared a relieved smile. With a pat on Glimmer’s back (careful to avoid her tender wings) Bow left the room, grabbing a binder full of documents on the way out, meeting Micah in the doorway, leaving the two alone. Adora brushed Glimmer’s hair out of her eyes, and kissed her forehead, letting her lips linger for longer than necessary.

“Do you want to go back to our room?” Adora asked. _Our room,_ Adora thought, dreamily. 

“Yes, but…” Glimmer trailed off, her hands gripping Adora’s collar. “I don’t think I can teleport right now…”

“Not a problem!” Adora said. She tightened her arms around the queen’s waist, and lifted her up into the air. Glimmer squeaked, but quickly pressed herself closer to the blonde, wrapping her arms and legs around her girlfriend, nuzzling into her neck. Their room was a good distance from the great hall, but Adora effortlessly carried Glimmer there, humming into her hair the entire time, ignoring any looks from potential passersby.

Ador was thankful that they had left the steps to Glimmer’s floating bed out, as she wasn’t sure if Glimmer could even manage to teleport them that short distance in her current state. She smoothly settled her lover down on her back in the endless pile of blankets and pillows, before cozying up beside her, face to face. She grabbed one of the soft, fuschia comforters, and pulled it up to their chins, before capturing Glimmer’s lips with her own, sinking into the kiss.

“It feels weird to go to sleep when the sun is still up,” Glimmer mumbled. Despite her complaining, she was already beginning to doze off, eyes half-closed as she snuggled as close as possible to Adora.

“You have to catch up on your rest,” Adora said simply, tangling their legs together, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

Glimmer yawned, stretching adorably. “But what will you do? Won’t you be bored?”

Adora smiled warmly, her gaze softening as she admired her sleepy and cuddly girlfriend. “I could never be bored, laying here with you. There’s nowhere else I could ever want to be. I love you, Glim.”

Glimmer pressed their lips together again, sweetly. “I love you too, ‘Dora.” 

Moments later, she was snoring softly, and Adora spent the afternoon happily making constellations out of the sparkles of her hair. 

\---

Sometimes, she still thought of Catra.

Of course she did. It was only to be expected. What they had had, no matter how briefly or recklessly, wasn’t going to fade away overnight. Her scars wouldn’t vanish simply because Glimmer loved her. Her trauma wasn’t going to fade away because the magicat was out of sight. Late at night, with Glimmer’s back pressed against her chest, she could feel the claw marks on her back itch, the skin painfully knitting together and splitting open again, revealing the rawness of her insides, imaginary blood sticking to her nightshirt.

Glimmer knew, and the blonde knew that she knew, but neither seemed to be able to find the words to address her agony. Adora was too worried, too conscientious to bring up her past with the queen, who already had the future of an entire kingdom weighing on her shoulders. And Glimmer, for her part, seemed to be too afraid of reopening wounds with no way to sew them shut, no way to comfort her lover from something she herself had never experienced.

With the Queen busy visiting foreign dignitaries that Adora couldn’t even remember the names of, the soldier decided to get her mind off of her history by spending the evening training with the guards. The latest recruits to the force were more motivated than usual seeing as the legendary She-Ra was in their midst, and although none of them could keep up with Adora’s nearly limitless stamina, they pushed themselves harder than ever before, completing their preliminary exercises with determined grins. Even though the swords they used for mock combat were wooden, Adora was impressed by the strength behind their blows, and their tenacious fighting spirits. 

After hours of sparring, Adora was finally exhausted, every muscle in her body aching dully. With a hasty goodbye, she trekked from the training room to her bedchamber, drinking several bottles of water on the way. Upon arriving at her room, she rummaged through the closet for clothes to change into, grabbing something soft and loose-fitting. She had just managed to take her shirt off, when she caught movement in the corner of her eye. Turning, she met her reflection in the mirror on the wall, and was both shocked and pleased to see how spent she was, to see her muscles on full display, and the sweat beading on her forehead. She was in shorts and a sports bra, the scars that had tormented her for years out in the open; some crimson, others silver, all of them tangling together over her flesh, meandering meaningfully along her skin. 

It was then that Adora realized that despite having intimate knowledge of most of the scars marring her body, she had never seen the ones on her back, the ones that tormented her on a daily basis. Morbidly curious, she twisted her torso, looking over her shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of the violence spiraling along her spine. What she saw made her wince. The scratches were a vicious red, and started near her shoulders, trailing down her tender back, beneath her bra, before ending just above her hips. Even though they were years-old, they looked brand new, as if they were newly healed, as if they had scabbed over only days ago. Ten marks in all, crisscrossing as they pleased, forever seared into her body, forever contrasting with her fair skin. 

Adora felt sick. She felt like the world had stopped spinning, but her body was trapped with the momentum, rotating in place. Her head was full of cotton balls, numb, empty, tingling, while her chest was filling with lava, magma bleaching her bones and scorching her organs, her lungs crackling like kindling, her heart blistering from the heat. She could almost hear the cracking of her ribs, the fire cauterizing the marrow, warping them into new, impossible shapes. Her legs wobbled, her knees threatening to give out beneath the weight of the volcanic ash inside her gut. But none of that compared to the brutal burning of her back, the sickening smell of charred flesh and melting tendons, the explosive pain emanating from the jagged wounds slashed into her sinews.

She could have stood there, staring at her own body in horror for eternity, if it weren’t for the door opening and closing quietly. Jumping in surprise, fear lancing through her insides, Adora met the concerned gaze of her girlfriend, still dressed in her royal robes. 

Glimmer walked towards her, nervously, hands twitching at her sides. “Adora? Are you okay, love?”

Adora wanted to answer her, to reassure her, even though she wasn’t okay, but the words refused to leave her mouth. She licked her lips, desperately trying to summon something, _anything_ to say, but her body refused to cooperate with her, sentences sizzling into nothingness deep inside her throat, never to see the light of day. Thankfully, Glimmer was nothing if not patient with her girlfriend, having nursed her through many an anxiety attack over the past months, so she didn’t press her, just stepped closer, gently taking one of her hands between her own, rubbing her palm with her thumb, the purple nail polish giving Adora something to focus on.

Finally, she allowed herself to meet the queen’s lavender gaze, and managed to say one word, even if it wasn’t the one she wanted to say: “No.”

And then the tears started.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Glimmer consoled, carefully wrapping her arms around her lover. Her arms crossed over her hips, just below her scars, understanding that touching them was definitely unwanted. Her own eyes welled with tears as she leaned forward, pressing her face into the crook of Adora’s neck. Adora, after a moment of hesitation, hugged her back tightly, bunching the fabric of her shirt in her fingers, pulling the smaller woman as close to her as possible, nuzzling into her sparkling hair. 

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Glimmer added, her lips brushing against her neck. She tightened her hold on her girlfriend, gently rocking them back and forth, to a silent lullaby.

“I just…” Adora started, sniffling. Glimmer pulled away just enough to make eye contact, nodding encouragingly. “I just don’t understand.”

Glimmer hummed thoughtfully, never looking away from Adora’s eyes. “Don’t understand what, Starlight?”

It took her a moment to respond, to gather her thoughts. “I just don’t understand how she could have loved me, but still hurt me this badly. It would be so much easier if she hated me the entire time. And like… it’s scary because… you love me, and… I keep wondering, keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for… for you to get mad at me, for - “

“Adora,” Glimmer said, gently but firmly. Carefully, she let one hand trail up to cup her cheek, her thumb just barely touching the corner of her lips. “You _never_ have to worry about that.” Her voice shook, and she was crying openly now. “I’m never going to hurt you like that, ever. I couldn’t even dream of it. I mean, I’m sure we’ll disagree at some point in the future. Maybe we’ll argue. But that’s normal. Every relationship has those moments… But never, _ever,_ would I lay a hand on you, Adora. I can’t even imagine being mad at you.” 

Adora wanted to believe her so badly, but something was holding her back. “But… what if I actually deserved it?” She asked, in a small voice.

“Oh, love,” Glimmer murmured, caressing her lover’s face. “You never deserve to be hurt. Not physically, not emotionally, not in any way or shape or form.” She was sniffling now, tears dripping from her chin to the floor. “How could someone as sweet and charming and loving as you ever deserve to be in pain?”

It was like a dam breaking, all of the emotions Adora had worked so hard to conceal spilling forth. She pulled Glimmer as close to her as possible, burying herself in her fluffy hair, breathing in her lilac perfume, holding her as tightly as possible. Glimmer returned the embrace with just as much passion, one hand combing through the blonde’s long hair, before rising to massage her scalp. 

“I love you, Glimmer,” Adora sobbed. “I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Starlight. And I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right after I posted the last chapter, I went through a pretty rough breakup, which made going back to write this fic so hard. Thankfully, with the help of some very good friends, I've managed to jump back in, and it has been incredibly cathartic to write. Thank you everyone for your support, and for helping me get this far! This fic has now taken on a very new meaning to me, and I'm very proud to share it with everyone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever - the good news is the final (!) chapter is already started, with a couple scenes already drafted, so the wait shouldn't be as long. I took a long time to try to keep this chapter on par with the previous ones, so I hope I succeeded. Thank you everyone for the feedback and support!

Adora had never worn a tux before, but she was beginning to realize she had been missing out. As Queen Consort, the castle’s tailors were all too eager to fit her for a suit, fussing over her with tape measures and holding swatches of color to her skin, while Glimmer admired her from a safe distance. The suit had been Glimmer’s idea in the first place. Adora had dreaded having to wear yet another exposing dress to the ceremony, but her girlfriend, knowing the former soldier’s self-consciousness about displaying her scars, had kindly suggested she wear a tux instead. Adora had seen plenty of other women (including her ex-girlfriend) wear suits, but it had never really occurred to her that she could make that same choice for herself, too.

It took a while to slip into the ensemble, layer by layer, but she was more than pleased with the results. It fit perfectly, molding to her body, neither hiding nor revealing her angles and curves. Her pants and jacket were jet black, her undershirt white with an elegant collar. The belt she wore had a lovingly engraved recreation of She-Ra’s crest, with impressive attention to detail for something that would spend the entire evening being concealed by the tails of her coat. Her vest and bow tie (that she had fiddled with nonstop the entire morning) were a soft, rosy pink, contrasting beautifully with the otherwise monochromatic outfit. And, of course, there was a Bright Moon rose pinned to her lapel, freshly picked from the castle gardens.

She felt comfortable, she felt free, and she felt safe. And that feeling was only increased tenfold when Glimmer took her hand.

They matched wonderfully. The Queen’s sleeveless dress was the same shade of pink as Adora’s accents, and hugged her figure in all the right places, the fabric flowing immaculately to the floor. The symbol of Bright Moon hung from an ornate necklace, shining dutifully above her chest, which Adora was _totally not looking at._ The jewel of her crown glinted brightly under the lights, but even then it was no match for the myriad sparkles dancing in her neatly combed hair. Pastel eyeshadow made her eyes even harder to look away from, and cherry red lipstick made her mouth all the more tantalizing; Adora knew that before the night was over, it would be staining both of their faces, and maybe even other parts of their bodies, and the thought alone sent a thrill down her spine.

“You’re gorgeous,” Adora murmured in awe, amazed that someone as beautiful and radiant as Glimmer could ever choose her.

“So are you, love,” Glimmer said, almost breathlessly, as though she was just as astounded.

Adora couldn’t hide the blush on her cheeks. “You really think so?” 

Leaning up on tiptoes, Glimmer gently kissed her lips, Adora’s heart racing at the simple contact. “You look like a Queen,” Glimmer whispered, winking at her _very_ flustered and _very_ spellbound girlfriend. 

Needless to say, the implication of her words was not lost on her.

\---

Bright Moon Castle’s great hall was extravagant every day of the week, but for Bow and Jewelstar’s wedding, the designers had gone all out, the spacious room filled to the rafters with decorations. Purple star-shaped balloons and pink heart-shaped balloons bobbed below the high ceiling, where glittering rainbow streamers hung. The cake was a thing of beauty; galaxy frosting with celestial swirls, dappled with buttercream constellations, and topped off with miniature figures of the two grooms, made by Bow himself. Adora smiled when she caught sight of the small Bow, remembering that it was the same figurine he used during their games of Dungeons and Dragons.

Adora and Glimmer were seated in the front row, the only guests that got that privilege that weren’t related to Bow or Jewelstar by blood. Lance and George were fully weeping, while Bow’s twelve brothers sat on either side of them, various levels of excitement flashing across their faces. This was the first time Adora had seen all of Bow’s family in one place, and she joined Glimmer in hugging them all in turn, even if she couldn’t quite remember their names yet. Like their baby brother, they all had strong hugs, and the same passionate smile. Meanwhile, Jewelstar’s sisters, Starla and Tallstar, freely mingled with their brother-in-law’s siblings - they were getting along swimmingly, and it warmed Adora’s heart.

Adora wondered what her wedding would be like. She didn’t have any biological family. Would there be anyone to give her away? Did they have to do that? The closest person that could come to mind was Catra, and the thought made her shudder, although Catra technically _had_ given her away, by telling her to date Glimmer in the first place… and Glimmer had her father, but - wait, was she really daydreaming about marrying Glimmer? Yes, _of course_ she was, she loved Glimmer with all of her heart, but was that too weird? Was it too soon? They had only been together about a year - their anniversary was last week. Was there some pre-approved time frame before you could marry someone? But Scorpia and Perfuma got married less than a year into their relationship… Did Glimmer think about marrying her? Was marriage too permanent? Maybe Glimmer didn’t even want to get married. Maybe - 

“You okay, ‘Dora?” Glimmer asked, interrupting her panicked thoughts. The Queen gently rubbed the warrior’s arm, her eyes shimmering with concern. 

Adora nodded a bit too strongly, swallowing past a lump in her throat. She didn’t have to work hard to force a smile. “Everything’s fine, Starlight. It’s just… a lot of emotion in the air.”

Glimmer smiled in relief, her eyes softening, and her nearly full-grown wings fluttering. “I understand, love. I can’t believe Bow is actually getting married… “

Adora could hardly believe it either. It seemed like just yesterday they were having their first sleepover, making a blanket fort in Glimmer’s hanging bed, reading scary stories with the light produced from Glimmer’s magic. They had almost been too scared to sleep that night, especially after Adora shared some of her _own_ creepy stories she had been told in the Fright Zone, so the three had huddled close together, Glimmer in the middle, her arm casually flung across the blonde’s waist. That was one of the first times where Adora felt like she had a _home_ , and even though she was still frightened by the tall tales, she had never felt safer in her life.

Now, almost four years later, Bow was the same Bow as ever, but he had grown in ways none of his friends could have expected. His face was more angular, with a stronger jaw-line, and sharper eyes, which were as warm and dark as they had always been. He had grown out his curly hair, pulling it back into a bun, and shaved the sides of his head. But most surprisingly, he now sported a half-hearted attempt at a goatee, prompting a lot of good-natured teasing, but ones that he took in stride. He was still kind, brave, and wise, but he had matured, in the same way that a pebble on the shore is made smooth and shiny by salty sea waves. 

Adora was so proud of him, in ways she couldn’t explain without tears coming to her eyes. And today was the pinnacle of that pride.

\---

Needless to say, the two grooms were as handsome as they’d ever been. They wore complementing suits, black accented with purple and gold, with hearts and stars sewn onto the front. Bow’s, to the surprise of absolutely no one, was modified to bare his midriff. As the two men walked each other down the aisle, the guests snapped photos and many openly cried, while both of their sets of siblings whistled and hollered, screaming affirmations at their dear brothers. It took a tremendously long amount of time for the audience to settle down, and for Micah, acting as officiator, to actually begin the ceremony.

Micah kept the ceremony very bare-bones, but it still seemed to take painfully long. But even then, Adora couldn’t find it in herself to mind, because the love written in both Bow and Jewelstar’s faces was so awe-inspiring and romantic that it was impossible to look away. She could see the two men whispering quietly to each other, breaking into smiles, their eyes so full of affection and admiration. It almost made her feel dizzy, like her head was spinning just from witnessing their supernova of emotions. She held Glimmer’s hand, using her as an anchor, squeezing tightly as tears ran down her face unbidden. A blush blossomed on her cheeks as Glimmer sweetly kissed the tears on her cheek, whispering “I love you”, her breath tickling her skin. It took all of her willpower not to turn right then and kiss her on the mouth, not coming up for air until after the ceremony was over.

Finally, it was time for the vows, and the hall fell impressively silent as Bow cleared his throat, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his tux pocket. Adora was surprised that it was only one sheet of paper; weeks beforehand, he had brought half a notebook’s worth of ramblings to Adora and Glimmer, frantically asking for advice on how to simplify his speech. She didn’t want to think about the amount of editing that must have gone into this final product.

“Jewelstar,” He began, his voice filling the room effortlessly, “I feel like every step of my life has led me to this moment. When I first met you, I knew you’d be important to me. There was this spark, this electricity, that burned hotter than the Black Garnet. I didn’t know what that feeling was, but I wanted to feel more of it, all the time.”

Adora had always felt the same way about Glimmer. Even when they had first met, all those years ago in the Whispering Woods, on opposite sides of a war, she was captivated by the plucky princess’s indomitable spirit. As many of the people in her life were keen to tell her - especially after the vision she received in the Heart - fate works in mysterious ways, and looking back, she truly believes that that very first encounter was what set their futures together in motion. Even though it would be a long time before she realized she was in love with her, that spark was there, sizzling her senses. The connection between the two was impossible to deny, and it only grew louder and stronger as time went on, and now it was always there, an ever-present flood of belonging, safety, and love. She was addicted to the feeling, and she always would be. Glimmer was, for lack of a better word, intoxicating.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, no matter where I was, or who I was with. I was trapped in your gravity, my love already orbiting your heart. I would have literal stars in my eyes whenever I saw you.”

Glimmer was on Adora’s mind almost constantly, even if it was just background thoughts. It was so very different from how she had felt with Catra - Catra occupied her thoughts consistently, but it was never in a peaceful, loving sense - it was always full of anxiety, fear, dread. She never felt that way with Glimmer. She loved and trusted her partner wholeheartedly, and had never once felt afraid of her reaction, or worried about whether or not she actually cared about her. Her feelings for Glimmer were a strength, not a weakness that could be used against her. Adora reveled in every opportunity presented to her to gush about her beautiful girlfriend, a halo of hearts practically materializing above her head as she listed all of the ways that Glimmer meant the world to her. She could feel her and Glimmer’s souls circling each other, giving and taking in equal amounts, always perfectly balanced, the moon eclipsing the sun.

“Even though, at first, our interactions were few, you seemed to understand me on a level that nobody else has ever come close to. Like our hearts were perfectly synced. To find out you felt the same way…” He broke off, still in apparent disbelief. “It still feels unreal. Like a dream come true.”

Glimmer was the first person who really _got_ Adora. Despite growing up in the Horde with Catra, Lonnie, and the others, they never really… _understood_ her. For a long time, she thought she was destined to be unknowable, and even unlovable, and those feelings only grew as her and Catra had their frequent falling outs. But Glimmer, this princess who lived a life so far removed from her own, actually _listened_ to her, and actually saw her for who she was. She didn’t see She-Ra, or this made-up, intangible image of herself twisted out of proportion. She saw her as _Adora._ A traumatized girl trying to navigate life after finding out everything she knew was a lie. From early on in their friendship, they had spent hours talking to each other, holding hands, laughing and smiling and crying, as they related their past experiences, as they gave voice to the hundreds of complicated feelings carving up the insides of their skulls. And Adora knew that Glimmer felt the same way. Like they shared the same heartbeat, and the same set of lungs. 

“I think I was made to love you, and to be loved by you. Soulmates aren’t found, they’re made. And I’m so overwhelmingly glad we took the time to make each other.”

Adora thought soulmates were found, for a long time. The Heart did nothing to change that. But at the end of the day, she and Catra were just incompatible. Neither was able to, or willing to, compromise to make their relationship healthy. It was unequal in every aspect, but they stuck together because of their trauma, and that taunting vision of the future. Adora and Glimmer had had a falling out, too, after her mother passed away. But they both worked _hard_ to make things okay again. Better than okay, even. Their relationship was more stable and loving than it had ever been, even without the added romance. They fought for each other, and didn’t let things just run their course. They communicated openly about their wants and their needs, about what worked and what didn’t work. There were no barriers between them, no walls left to tear down. They had seen every part of the other, even the parts of themselves that they hated, and loved everything the other had to offer. 

“Everything I’ve ever done has led me here, standing on this stage, reciting these vows to you. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Every step I’ve taken, every breath I’ve taken, it’s all brought me here to you. All the tears and laughter and heartbreak. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Neither would Adora. It was all worth it - it always would be, if it meant she could be here now, holding Glimmer’s hand, while watching their best friend get married to the love of his life. To wake up every morning to Glimmer snuggled into her chest, and sunlight-soft kisses on her face and hands. To fall asleep every night with her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, her lilac wings tucked neatly between them, her gentle breathing lulling her to slumber. To sit beside each other on her parents’ former thrones, fingers interlaced, listening intently as members of the Alliance gave their reports, catching glances of each other from the corners of their eyes. To hear her gorgeous laugh, like the tinkling of piano keys, her favorite melody, and to know that she was the reason she was laughing, the reason she was smiling. To make her favorite meals to surprise her between meetings, even though she wasn’t a terribly good cook, memorizing Glimmer’s preferences, how she only liked one spoonful of sugar in her tea, how she loved strawberries above all other fruits, how she preferred her food spicy but not so hot that there was no flavor. 

She’d endure everything all over again, and then some, if it meant she and Glimmer could have their happily ever after, doing mundane, domestic chores for the rest of their lives.

“I could never ask for a better husband. Jewelstar, I love you, and only you. And I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.”

Both Adora and Glimmer were sniffling now, unashamedly. How could they not be? Adora pressed herself as close to her date as possible, letting one hand rest on her knee, and settled her head against her shoulder, quietly kissing her bare skin, while Glimmer melted into her with a wistful sigh. 

Jewelstar’s vows were just as poignant and heartfelt as Bow’s, but Adora was only able to process the raw feeling behind them, and not the individual words, as her chest inflated with unfettered love for her friends, and the girl beside her, who had stolen her heart. Adora didn’t ever want it back; she knew Glimmer would always take good care of it. She loved her, and she trusted her, and she needed her, and one day she hoped she could say those things to her, on stage, surrounded by all their friends and family, sealing their romance with a crushing kiss. 

When Bow and Jewelstar had their own kiss, the room erupted into applause, everyone rising from their seats to snap pictures and to gush over the newly wed couple. Adora and Glimmer joined them, raising their voices to be heard over the din of shouting and clapping, but they were drowned out by the rest of the husbands’ families - Lance and George were openly weeping, all of Bow’s brothers jumping in place and cheering, Starla and Tallstar hugging as they whooped with joy. Their voracious support made roses blossom between Adora’s ribs, and it just encouraged her to yell her affirmations of love even louder, proud and overjoyed to be considered part of his kin even when they weren’t related by blood, and that feeling only amplified tenfold as their siblings pulled them into massive group hug, sweeping Adora and Glimmer up in a wave of belonging and bliss.

\---

After the ceremony, the grooms had their photos taken by a dozen photographers, all of them climbing over top of each other to get the perfect shot of their subjects, while Bow and Jewelstar tried not to be too distracted by each other’s presence to stare into the cameras. Glimmer and Adora hung by the sidelines, watching admiringly, and doing their best to not get their toes stepped on by the avid lensmen. After more than enough photos of the couple were taken, they invited Bow’s fathers to join them, and then all of their siblings, requiring the photographers to take massive steps backwards to include all eighteen of them in a single frame, while the other guests retreated to devour copious amounts of food and get caught up on the latest gossip. 

Finally, their families dispersed into the crowd, and Adora expected the two men to join them, but instead, they motioned the blonde and the queen over, while the photographers stayed in place. As soon as they were within hugging-range, Bow launched himself at Adora, his arms looping around her shoulders, squeezing her so tightly he lifted her into the air.

“Congratulations!” she squeaked, taken by surprise by the sudden show of affection. “I’m so happy for you, Bow!” 

“I _know,_ I can’t believe it,” Bow said, his voice cracking halfway through. “I’m _married_.” 

At last, he let go of Adora, only to scoop Glimmer up in his arms, her sparkly girlfriend glowing and laughing as she kissed his cheek. Jewelstar turned to her, and while she had known the space adventurer to be normally quiet and shy, he had opened up to Adora in the time since their first fateful meeting during the invasion, and now he spread his arms wide in expectation of a hug. She was all too glad to hug him back, patting his back fondly, murmuring “Congratulations” into his ear, so happy that Bow had found his other half, someone who would treat him with the love and respect he deserved.

After Jewelstar let go and gave Glimmer an equally warm embrace, Bow threw his arms around his two oldest friends once again. “Come on, we want you to get in some pictures with us!” 

Adora was nervous by all the attention, but with Glimmer in her arms, and Bow and Jewelstar smiling and joking beside them, she was soon able to face the flashes from the cameras, her own grin threatening to split her face in half. She found themselves mirroring poses with the newlyweds, Glimmer pulled as close to her as possible, their curves pressing against each other in all the right ways. She drowned in the scent of Glimmer’s lilac perfume, and the tender touch of her bare skin, tantalized by the way her hair brushed against her shoulders, and the pale, star-kissed freckles that ran along her arms. She couldn’t resist kissing the back of her neck, or squeezing her waist, but the photographers didn’t seem to mind. 

One cameraman, standing directly in front of them, looked at the grooms and tilted his head to the side. “Can we get some of just the Queen and She-Ra?”

Adora’s face flushed, but Glimmer hummed happily in response, turning to stand on tiptoes and kiss Adora’s lips. Bow and Jewelstar, glad to finally be out of the limelight, stood to the side, watching eagerly as the women posed together. The lead photographer gave them directions of where to turn, of how to stand, that a very flustered Adora attempted to follow. “Relax, my love,” Glimmer murmured kindly. “You’re gorgeous. I love you.”

“I love you too, Starlight,” Adora answered automatically, softening, some of the tension leaving her body. “More than the sun loves the moon.” 

For the rest of the photoshoot, Adora was immune to the camera flashes, her only thoughts centering around her beautiful girlfriend, and how badly she wanted to hang the resulting photos on the wall of their room.

\---

After dozens of photos were taken, the couple were free to wander the reception hall to fill their stomachs and catch up with old friends. While Glimmer went to secure themselves a seat, Adora got in line at the buffet, her mouth watering as she examined the food on display. The chefs had really outdone themselves this time, she thought, as she heaped her plate high with fresh vegetables, grilled meats, and pasta dishes she couldn’t name, but looked delicious. She made sure to grab a small dish and fill it with strawberries and whipped cream, knowing they were Glimmer’s favorite, and precariously balanced the trays as she wound through the room, searching for her girlfriend.

She didn’t have to look far; she may have been short, but Glimmer’s pink hair stood out no matter where she was. She was sitting with Scorpia, Perfuma, and Entrapta, waving her hands as she talked animatedly about what was no doubt a hyperbolized story. Perfuma had her full attention on the Queen, nodding every now and then to show she was listening, while she leaned against her wife, her hand wrapped around her pincer. Scorpia appeared to be _trying_ to follow Glimmer’s narrative, but confusion was evident on her face. Entrapta was the one who noticed Adora first, eagerly motioning for her to join them with her prehensile hair.

Adora sat their plates down on the table, pulling a chair out. As soon as she sat down, Glimmer’s lips were on hers, her hand gently stroking her cheek. A fluttery warmth spread throughout the blonde’s body, in golden and violet hues.

“I was just talking about you, my love,” Glimmer said, pulling away.

Smiling, Adora let her arm rest on the back of Glimmer’s chair, her hand playing with the ends of her lilac hair. “Only good things, I hope.”

“Oh, only very good things!” Scorpia rushed to answer. “She was talking about your anniversary, but I’m a bit lost. How did you two get set on fire, exactly?”

Adora laughed, remembering their ill-fated anniversary plan. “One of the fireworks I set off malfunctioned, and instead of shooting straight up into the sky, it shot at us instead. Glimmer’s cape got set on fire, and I tried to put it out, but…”

“Her jacket caught on fire, too,” Glimmer added, playfully booping Adora’s nose. 

Entrapta shook her head in disapproval. “That’s why you should have bought your pyrotechnic display from me, and not Bow. He’s not licensed to create or sell combustible devices.”

Adora was pretty sure that Entrapta also wasn’t licensed to sell fireworks - in fact, she was fairly certain such a license didn’t exist - but she declined to call her out on it.

Scorpia still looked bewildered. “But… that still doesn’t explain how you flooded your bedroom.”

“Oh, that was because of the piranhas,” Glimmer said casually, helping herself to one of the strawberries from the bowl Adora had placed in front of her. “Thanks, ‘Dora, these are amazing.”

“Wait, no, go back to the piranhas,” Scorpia said. “Aren’t those baby sharks?”

“No, silly,” Perfuma giggled. “They’re their own thing. They’re more like… the cacti of the sea.” She shuddered.

“Lake, not sea,” Entrapta interjected. “They’re freshwater. Mermista has been teaching me some fascinating aquatic animal facts.” 

Before they could go further off topic, Adora stepped in to set the record straight. “Well, we had both been on fire, and we were right near the lake in the Whispering Woods - you know, the one that’s shaped like a heart if you view it from above?” At their blank faces, she realized none of them had flown over it the way she had, while riding Swift Wind. “It’s really cute. Anyways, we hopped in, thinking it would help put out the fire, and it did, but - “

“Piranhas,” Glimmer helpfully supplied. “So. Many. Piranhas. After the fifth bite, I realized the quickest way to get to safety was to just teleport us home. So I did. But… I may have panicked a bit..”

“She teleported not only us, but a school of piranha and a thousand gallons of water into our room,” Adora said, finishing for her.

“And then we got to turn the tables, and eat piranha for a week!” Glimmer clapped her hands together excitedly. “I’m not big on seafood, but it was cathartic, to eat something that tried to eat you.”

Adora rubbed Glimmer’s shoulder, smiling fondly at the shorter woman. _Stars, she’s so cute._

Scorpia’s face had paled considerably after hearing the terrifying tale, but Perfuma just nodded thoughtfully. “It’s the same way with plants, you know. We eat veggies, and fruits, and mushrooms, but one day, when we’re all put in the ground, they’ll be the ones to devour us.” She said this as though it was a natural, comforting thought, but Adora found herself eying the carrots on her plate suspiciously.

Thankfully, they tasted too good for her to worry about the inevitable death awaiting all of them.

They lapsed into silence as they dug into their meals, Entrapta eating comically miniaturized sweets off of an equally small platter. Glimmer and Adora shared off the heaping plate she had brought back, giggling quietly as Adora did her best not to spill food all over her custom tux. She lucked out, as most of the food wasn’t messy, and she hadn’t dropped anything yet. 

“Hey… do you mind if I sit with you guys?”

Adora jolted at the sound of the familiar voice. She looked up to meet Catra’s mismatched eyes, her tone uncharacteristically withdrawn, as though she expected them to say no. Her hair was now as long as it had been before she was captured by Horde Prime, but was much neater, and pulled back into a ponytail. A small twinge of guilt and fear grew in Adora’s gut - a feeling she may never become comfortable with - but it wasn’t overwhelming. She had had a lot of time to process the complicated aftershocks of her and Catra’s relationship in the past year, especially with Glimmer by her side, and while she had no intentions of forgiving her, she was learning she was able to tolerate her presence, as long as she was trying to do better.

Everyone at the table was looking at her, expectantly, waiting for _her_ to have the final say in if Catra could join them, except for Glimmer. She stared directly at Catra, brow furrowed, as one hand landed on Adora’s knee, squeezing gently but firmly, as though to say, _I’m here, and I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you._

“You can sit,” Adora answered, her voice a bit hoarse. She deliberately looked away as Catra took a seat by Entrapta, focusing intently on the remaining scraps of food on her plate. Nobody said anything for a bit, just pushed food around on their dishes with their forks, refilling glasses of water from the pitcher at the center of the table.

“So… what have you been up to, wildcat?” Scorpia said, hesitantly breaking up the awkward silence. 

“I’ve been in Salineas,” Catra responded, with a shrug of her shoulders. 

This was shocking news to everyone present, and to the surprise of no one, Entrapta was the one to recover quickest, and reply with the least amount of tact possible. “Salineas? I thought Mermista hated you, because of what you had done to her people.”

Catra flinched, and for a brief moment Adora was afraid it would be a replay of what happened the last time she had been at a wedding, with Catra blowing up and dangerously toeing the line between defending herself, and hating herself. But she took a deep breath, her shoulders slumping forwards. “Yeah. She still hates me, I think. I can’t blame her. But… I want to right at least some of the wrongs I’ve committed. I asked if I could help her rebuild. Help move people into new homes, fix up neighborhoods, repair bridges and buildings. I’ve been helping for a few months. I’m going back to Salineas with her, after the wedding, too. It’s been… a good experience. I needed it. I still do.”

Adora was taken aback, but tried not to show it. This was a side of Catra she had very rarely seen before, and while it would never clear her of all the crimes she had committed, it was a huge step in the right direction. She knew Catra was capable of change, and to make a difference in the lives of those she had hurt, but she was so desperately afraid she would never get to that stage. Yet… here she was. It was strange, to say the least, but in a good way. Even if Catra could never undo the pain she caused others, she could still devote herself to making sure that that pain never befell anyone else. Sympathy and respect were written on the others' faces as well, but she could tell by the look in Glimmer’s eyes and the way she kept comfortingly rubbing her knee that she still didn’t fully trust her. 

“But, I don’t really want to talk about me,” Catra said, surprising everyone once again. “Anything new with you guys?”

“Oh, yes!” Entrapta began excitedly. “I’ve been working on a new drone prototype that can detect ultraviolet wavelengths and gamma rays, and react to them accordingly. I’ve also been refining Darla, since Bow and Jewelstar will be borrowing her for their honeymoon. She has a composite aeroshell made of Etherite, and can withstand upwards of five thousand degrees Kelvin. She’s not capable of landing on stars yet, but I have hope that in the near future, it will be possible.”

Catra was beyond lost, but managed a small smile. “That’s… cool, Entrapta, I think. Anyone else?”

Adora wasn’t sure what compelled her to speak up next, but she did. “Glimmer and I just celebrated our first anniversary. We, uh, got set on fire and attacked by piranhas, but, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” She laced hands with Glimmer and met her eyes, almost drowning in the unconditional love she found in them. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest, especially when the Queen nestled even further into her side. 

“As long as I’m with you, I’m the happiest woman on the planet,” Glimmer said proudly, kissing the back of Adora’s hand. Her gaze went back to Catra, and for a brief moment Adora thought her girlfriend was taunting her ex, but she realized she was being more protective than possessive, her actions done not to spite Catra, but to make Adora feel safe and loved. Violets bloomed in Adora’s head, every thought soft and tender as she admired her lover.

Catra nodded, just slightly. “I’m happy for you two. Really, I am.” She opened her mouth to say more, but thought better of it, one fang poking over her lip as she thought about what to say next. 

Scorpia didn’t give her a chance to continue, however. “Wait, did they bring out the wine?” Her eyes twinkled as she watched someone walk past carrying a glass of red liquid. “Do you think it’s strawberry, or cherry?”

Perfuma kissed her wife’s cheek. “I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter anyways, remember? You can’t drink.”

“Oh, yeah,” Scorpia sighed glumly. “I forgot about that.”

“There’s probably non-alcoholic stuff, though!” Perfuma said, trying to cheer up the other woman. “Maybe we can look in a minute.”

Adora, Glimmer, and Entrapta watched the exchange curiously, but it was Catra who decided to comment on it. “What, are you on a special diet or something? It’s not like you’re pregnant or anything, right?”

Perfuma and Scorpia shared a loaded look, shifting in their seats awkwardly.

“...Right? You’re not… actually _pregnant_ … are you?”

“Well, you see...” Scorpia said, at the same time that Perfuma said, “We wanted to wait until she was further along to share, but…”

Adora barely managed to process their words and offer a “Congratulations!”, but Glimmer was already out of her seat, throwing her arms around the expecting couple. “Oh, I’m so happy for you two! You’re going to be wonderful mothers! How many weeks? Do you already have names picked out? Which Runestone do you think they’ll be connected to?” 

Scorpia and Perfuma happily answered all of Glimmer’s questions, their faces glowing as they talked about their unborn child. She was fifteen weeks along; no, they didn’t have specific names picked out yet, but wanted to go with a nature theme; they didn’t know what Runestone they’d inherit, but that they wanted it to be a surprise, just like the baby’s gender. Catra asked a couple questions too, but was ultimately overwhelmed by the knowledge that one of her friends was actually having a baby. Entrapta chimed in every now and then, gleefully sharing facts about the fetus’s current anatomy and nutritional needs, Scorpia listening intently to every word the scientist said.

Adora didn’t have many questions herself - she was woefully undereducated when it came to pregnancies and babies. But she realized she might want to read up on it in the near future, because Glimmer was over the moon about their friends announcements, in an almost… _wishful_ way. They hadn’t talked about children, or having a family before, at least, not in depth. Adora really never had a family, but the idea of one day starting one - with _Glimmer_ \- was growing more and more appealing as time went on. Was it too early in their relationship to talk about their potential future as parents? Would it be taboo to mention wanting to have children someday? Adora wasn’t sure. But she _was_ sure that Glimmer would be both the best mother and the best wife in the world.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Glimmer returning to her seat. “So, Scorpia might not be able to drink, but that wine _did_ look good. Do you want to get some?”

Adora (and Glimmer) very rarely drank, but it was a special occasion, and it _did_ sound delicious. “Of course! Actually, you stay here, I’ll grab us both a glass.”

Glimmer giggled airily. “Babe, I can teleport, it would be a lot faster.”

Adora shook her head, grinning. “Let me be chivalrous for once!” She stood up from her seat, swooping down to kiss Glimmer’s forehead. “I’ll be back in a moment!” 

\---

She was gone quite a bit longer than a moment; while the refreshments weren’t too far away from where they were seated, the throng of people was almost impassable. A growing number of the guests were drunk, or approaching drunkenness, and it was harder to navigate through them than it was the crowd at the Summer Solstice Festival. People were too busy chatting in place, completely ignorant of the blonde trying to get by them, to the point she almost started throwing hands at anyone in her way. 

At last, Adora was able to slowly make her way back to the table, a glass of red wine in each hand, trying not to trip over anyone or anything. Scorpia, Perfuma, and Entrapta had left; now Glimmer and Catra were alone, sitting across from each other, and it was clear they were having a serious conversation. Catra’s ears were flat against her head, and she was scratching at her arm the way she did whenever she felt self-conscious, while Glimmer’s arms were crossed, using the body language she usually only used when she had to assert her authority as Queen.

As she walked closer, she was able to pick up some snippets of their discussion.

“...care of her for me, okay Sparkles?”

“I take care of her for _me._ And for _her._ Because it’s what she deserves.”

“Yeah… I… you’re right.”

“I love her, more than anything. And I promise, I’m going to make her the happiest woman in all of Etheria. You don’t have to worry about me hurting her. I’m not _you_.”

“I know, I wasn’t trying to - “

Catra’s ears flicked forwards as she noticed Adora’s approach, and the conversation ended abruptly. 

“Ooh, is that cherry?” Glimmer was completely unphased by their conversation being interrupted, reverting immediately back to her previously cheerful self. She took a glass from Adora, and took a tentative sip, considering the flavor. A lipstick stain was left behind on the glass, and Adora’s heart skipped a beat. “It is! You’re the best, baby.” She kissed Adora’s chin, almost certainly staining her lipstick there as well, and Adora couldn’t even dwell on what she had overheard, because all her thoughts at that moment were about loving and being loved by Glimmer. She almost didn’t notice Catra leave, a bittersweet smile on her face, as Glimmer snuggled into her chest.

\---

Hours had passed, or maybe only minutes - it was hard to tell, as Adora and Glimmer danced to the live music, holding each other closely as violin melodies and piano harmonies filled the air. It wasn’t until Adora noticed a small crowd of women gathered around Bow and Jewelstar, chatting eagerly amongst themselves, that she allowed herself to achingly separate herself from Glimmer.

“What’s going on over there?” Adora asked, curious, nodding in their direction.

Glimmer gasped, squeezing Adora’s arm in excitement. “Oh, they’re going to throw the bouquet soon! Let’s go!” Without waiting for an answer, she laced her fingers with Adora’s, and pulled her towards the growing crowd. Adora went along willingly, if a little confused - why were they throwing flowers? Was this a tradition? And if it was, wouldn’t this job fall to the flower girl? Regardless, Glimmer was clearly delighted, so she would gladly participate if it meant seeing more of her gorgeous smile.

The two lucky men were standing on the dais, Jewelstar holding the bouquet in front of his chest. Purple and red blossoms burst from the tightly wound stems, the bright green stalks held together by a pale gold ribbon, each one pristine and neatly clipped. There were roses, lilies, peonies - Plumeria’s finest, cultivated by Princess Perfuma herself, every petal blessed with her patience and love. Jewelstar was laughing at something his husband had said, his nose wrinkling as a lopsided smile grew on his face, one that Bow gladly kissed.

Adora was pulled out of her thoughts by a nudge against her shoulder, and was greeted by Mermista, her long blue hair braided down her back. “Oh, great, Adora is here,” she joked, rolling her eyes affectionately. “No cheating and turning into She-Ra this time, okay?”

Cheating? Was this a game? Were there rules she had to follow? 

Glimmer rubbed Adora’s back sweetly, leaning against her shoulder. “If Adora catches it, it will be fair and square. Right, love?” The queen winked at her girlfriend, causing the blonde’s heart to do a backflip.

“Right, of course!” Adora said, even though she had no idea what she was really agreeing to. She considered asking for more details, but a hush fell over the crowd as Jewelstar turned around, his back to his avid audience. 

“Okay,” he began, “On the count of three… One, two, three!”

He blindly tossed the bouquet behind him, the flowers soaring high above the gathered guests. It was arcing towards the right, and there was the clicking of heels and gasps of excitement as everyone moved in it’s direction, trying to plot the trajectory of the bouquet in their heads. Adora, who was very accomplished at ducking and weaving her way through battlefields and angry mobs, easily slipped between partygoers, moving almost soundlessly across the floor. The bouquet was almost directly above her, and while the others stretched their hands towards it, Adora bent low then leapt upwards, giving her the slight boost in height she needed to snatch the roses out of the air.

“I won!” Adora shouted in triumph, still not entirely sure what exactly she had won. The women around her were disappointed, but smiled kindly, knowingly. 

“Adora!” The warrior turned just in time to watch Glimmer launch herself at her, her hands cupping her face while she kissed her passionately on the lips. Adora gladly sunk into the kiss, her hands tightly gripping her girlfriend’s waist, humming contentedly. 

When Glimmer finally pulled away, breathless and blushing, she giggled. Mermista rolled her eyes, again. “Great, I can’t believe you two are getting married before me and Seahawk.” 

“Wait, what?” Adora raised an eyebrow. 

Glimmer’s blush deepened. “You have no idea what this is supposed to mean, do you?”

“No,” Adora said. “Tell me.” 

“Well…” She looked embarrassed. “It’s just a superstition, but they say that whoever catches the bouquet is going to get married next.”

“Oh.” Then - “Oh.”. Now Adora’s face was flushed. She giggled nervously. “Um. So… Yeah. Well… In that case, I’m really happy I caught it.” 

Any further comments she could have made were cut off as Glimmer kissed her, again and again.

\---

Almost everyone else had gone home, or retreated to their respective rooms, as the moons rose high in the sky, but Adora and Glimmer found themselves once again back on the dance floor, swaying side to side to the gentle music. The song was slow and sweet, and ached in the most tender way imaginable. Glimmer’s head rested against Adora’s shoulder, her eyes half-closed as she hummed along to the enchanting tune. Adora breathed in her lovely lavender perfume, kissing her temple, her hands squeezing her waist. 

“Today was perfect,” Adora murmured into Glimmer’s ear.

Glimmer gently kissed her girlfriend’s neck. “Yeah, it was. Everyday with you is perfect.” 

They separated just enough for their lips to meet, melting into one another as they kissed sweetly and slowly, the moonlight streaming through the window illuminating them, turning Glimmer’s hair to gold. 

“Do you think,” Adora began hesitantly, “that that could be us, one day?”

She didn’t have to specify if she was talking about Bow and Jewelstar, or Scorpia and Perfuma. Glimmer knew she meant both.

“There’s nothing I could ever want more, Starlight. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

“I’ll always have you, sweetheart. Always.”

They kissed again, letting themselves get washed away in the warmth of one another’s embrace, the comforting affection slowly giving way to fiery passion. At that moment, they were the only people in the world, and every galaxy and star was carved out just for them, the entire cosmos glowing as they offered their hearts to one another.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, wow is this overdue.
> 
> Some good news - this is actually _not_ the final chapter. Yes, once again, I bit off more than I could chew and had to split a chapter in half. So there's still one more update left to go! 
> 
> Thank you everyone for being so patient with this fic. Between getting covid, a bunch of personal stuff, and (gestures vaguely at the entirety of America), I haven't had much energy to write lately. I hope that this fic can maybe bring solace and comfort in these difficult times, and offers a safe place to escape to. Listen to Angella, and take care of each other.
> 
> One last thing - my good friend TheRodrigator did a cover illustration for this fic! You can check it out here - https://therodrigator6.tumblr.com/post/639321078061252609/i-though-i-wanted-this-a-wonderful-she-ra-story
> 
> Enjoy!

Adora was awoken by a swath of sunlight lazily warming her skin. She slowly stretched her entire body, much like a content cat would while basking in the sun, her muscles obliging sleepily, warm and loose like honey. The next sensation she was aware of was of the cool, subdued scent of lavender and lilacs, and what felt like a fluffy cloud tickling her nose. She opened her eyes, not at all surprised to find her vision filled with the star-speckled pinks and purples of Glimmer’s hair. Nuzzling closer, she pressed a lingering kiss to her girlfriend’s head, lips curling into a smile as the queen hummed drowsily. 

The smaller woman felt so warm and cozy, her soft body weighed down with sleep. Adora pulled her even closer, slipping her leg between her lover’s, tangling themselves together. In that moment, there was nowhere else she’d rather be. She could spend the entire day holding Glimmer, laying gentle kisses on her tan skin, savoring every breath she took and every movement she made. Her heart felt superheated and fuzzy, as though a miniature sun was expanding inside her chest, soaking her insides in the tender light of a solar flare, the feeling spreading outwards to her fingertips and toes. She didn’t even mind that her arm, trapped beneath Glimmer’s side, was tingling, or that her earring pressed into the mattress was scraping against her lobe.

Yes, her earring - at Glimmer’s request, Adora had finally gotten her ears pierced. “After all,” her girlfriend had said coyly, “you can’t propose to me if you can’t accept the Royal tradition.” The Royal tradition, of course, was for the queen and her consort to each wear one of the moondrop earrings that had been passed down for generations, a symbol of their love as binding and solidifying as a wedding band. There was no way she could possibly say no to such a request, what with Glimmer teasing marriage, so despite her fear of needles, she gladly let the piercer guide one through both of her ears, while she stared deeply into her lover’s misty moonlit eyes. Her current earrings were simple studs, yellow circles with waves radiating from the center, mimicking the sun, but she knew it was only a few more weeks and the holes would have healed enough to support dangling jewelry - and she could finally put her proposal into motion.

But in the meantime, she snuggled her angel closer, while glancing at the pictures hung on the wall over their bed. Most of them were photos. A good number of them were from Bow and Jewelstar’s wedding, her personal favorite being of her hugging Glimmer from behind, head resting on her sparkling hair, both women grinning from ear to ear, holding back bubbly laughter. There was one of them slow dancing, Glimmer’s face buried into her neck as they swayed back and forth to the tranquil music, not a single atom’s worth of space between them. Another was of them kissing, hands on each other’s cheeks, Glimmer still so much shorter than her even in heels.

There were others taken elsewhere - a candid of the two in the castle gardens, holding hands as they strolled between hyacinths and hydrangeas; one of the pair with Mermista and Seahawk, on a double date that surprisingly didn’t end with anything being set on fire; one from before they had started dating, at the Summer Solstice Festival, laughing as they slid down Frosta’s ice slide, only hours before their first kiss. At the center of the collage, there was a breathtaking painting, colored by one of the Castle’s leading creative minds, which required the two women to pose together for hours. They didn’t mind though; Glimmer got to sit sideways in Adora’s lap, her royal robes tucked beneath her, while Adora’s arms circled around her waist, their eyes almost never leaving the others, whispering sweet nothings while the maestro took their time, perfectly capturing their tender love. 

They had been together for two years now, and Adora would do anything to turn two into twenty, and twenty into sixty, and sixty into forever. 

\---

Adora didn’t know much about babies. She didn’t know if they were born with teeth and hair or grew them outside the womb, or how long they breastfed for, or how old they had to be to walk or talk or understand much of anything. She didn’t really have any experience with infants - in the Horde, they were very strictly separated by age group, and while she knew Hordak had “raised” younger children, the most she ever saw of them was a glimpse of a curious toddler poking around somewhere they didn’t belong, too young and naive to understand the punishments that would await them if they were caught. In those fleeting moments, Adora didn’t think too much of it; she just assumed the kids would be found out, and learn firsthand what the consequences for disobeying orders were. After all, that was how she, Catra, Lonnie, and the others learned. 

But now, looking back, all she could feel was the heartbreaking truth that no child should ever have to live in fear, or be raised in the same conditions she was.

Thankfully, she had a patient girlfriend that was more than willing to explain the intricacies of baby development, and a newborn nephew that was never going to endure any of the torture or manipulation that she herself experienced. 

“It’s funny how his eyes are blue,” Adora noted out loud, cradling the tiny bundle in her arms. Hyacinth, Scorpia and Perfuma’s one-month old baby, stared back at her blurrily, his hands curled into wrinkly fists. “Since Scorpia and Perfuma have brown eyes. Is it a… recursive gene?”

Glimmer, standing over the sink, giggled. She was running hot water over a bottle of formula, heating up the mixture for the fussy prince. “You mean ‘recessive’, babe. And no, a lot of babies are born with blue eyes, I’m sure his will get darker as time goes on. Something to do with hormones.” 

Adora frowned, furrowing her brow at her slip-up, which made Hyacinth coo and squeal. Sometimes, the blonde couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about her lack of knowledge on mundane, everyday topics. If you needed to triangulate an enemy’s coordinates, or accurately divide a limited amount of resources to an army, she was your go-to woman. But if you wanted to know how long to boil eggs for, or how to change a diaper, she would probably be on the bottom of your list of people to approach for help. Adora knew her ignorance was due to the fact she was forced to spend her childhood learning how to interrogate prisoners and aim laser pistols, but it didn’t do anything to make her lessen her insecurity about it.

A kiss on her cheek jolted her out of the start of her spiral. Glimmer’s arms circled around her waist, and she nuzzled her face into her shoulder. “It’s okay, ‘Dora. I don’t expect you to know any of this anyways. I think the only people who really _do_ know this stuff are parents themselves. Or people who are planning for a child, anyways.”

Bouncing the baby a bit, Adora turned to bury her nose in Glimmer’s hair, delighting in the scent of her comforting lavender shampoo. “Then why do _you_ know so much about babies?” She let a teasing lilt enter her voice. “Is there something I should know about?”

In a past that felt almost like another lifetime ago at this point, Adora knew that the joking remark could have led to an intense argument. It wouldn’t have mattered who threw it out first - whether it was Adora in a playful tease, or Catra in a backhanded test of her loyalty, her perceived infidelity, her faithfulness - it wouldn’t have mattered. It never took much for their relationship to spiral into bitter arguments, even at the best of times. But she trusted Glimmer with her entire heart, and she knew Glimmer trusted her the same, so her words were lacking thorns, as good-natured as rose petals and downy feathers.

Glimmer pulled away from her, a blush blossoming across the bridge of her nose. “Slight correction: the only people who know this stuff are parents, people planning for a child, and _me._ ”

Adora raised an eyebrow, slightly pouting. “Oh, so you don’t want to have a child with me, then?” She spoke lightly, but inside her chest, her heart was pounding, banging against her rib-cage rebelliously. Up until now, they had never talked about having a child - it almost felt like a taboo topic. The blonde didn’t have much relationship experience, and she had no idea when it was appropriate to bring up the subject. She knew it was something they really _should_ discuss prior to her impending proposal; after all, if one of them wanted kids, and the other didn’t, that could be a genuine deal-breaker... which was precisely why she had avoided mentioning it. 

Because deep down, despite her insecurities about her supposed lack of maternal instincts and useful knowledge about babies, Adora wanted a family. She had never had one of her own, and more than anything, she wanted to bring a child (or two... or three...) into this world, one that would be loved and cherished from the moment they were born. One that would never have to feel like their worth was conditional, or have to live in fear of physical punishment. A child who would always know that they’re a blessing, a miracle, a gift.

And if Glimmer didn’t want one... 

“Wh - no, that’s not true, I - “ Glimmer snapped her mouth shut mid-sentence, the blush spreading to her cheeks, her eyes wide with a mixture of emotions Adora couldn’t quite put a name to. She grunted, more embarrassed than frustrated, dramatically slapping a hand to her face. “We can talk about it later, let’s just feed Hya for now, okay?” Her demeanor changed instantly; within seconds, she had gone from flustered girlfriend to carefully composed Queen, fast enough that Adora could barely process any of her reaction before she was being gently guided towards the couch.

She sat down, Glimmer beside her, and was surprised when she passed the warm milk bottle to her. “You want me to do it?” she asked, incredulous, and also slightly nervous.

Glimmer squeezed her thigh affectionately. “Yeah! It’s not that hard, besides, he really seems to like you. All he did was cry and poop when I held him.” 

“And try to eat your hair,” Adora added, smiling. Her hair must have looked like sparkling cotton candy to infant.

“That too,” Glimmer said with a chuckle.

Adora cradled Hyacinth in the crook of her elbow, careful to support his fragile neck and balance his weight evenly. She pulled him close to her body, the baby’s eyes widening as he sensed that food was headed his way soon. He cried weakly, stretching his short arms and squeezing his fists eagerly, clearly ready for his meal. 

In her free hand, Adora readied the bottle, bringing it closer to the needy baby, before hesitating, afraid she was doing something wrong. “Is... Is this alright?”

“You’re doing perfect, sweetie,” Glimmer said, nodding encouragingly. “Just make sure the bottle isn’t angled too high, so - yes, just like that!” 

Heartened by her lover’s words, Adora brought the bottle close enough that Hya could latch on to the nipple, and right away, the baby started suckling, greedily downing the formula. Adora could practically feel herself glow with pride, trying her hardest to stay still while a tremendous wave of admiration and wistfulness crashed over her. “He’s eating,” she whispered, awe-struck.

Glimmer clung to her, mindful of the hungry infant, and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I knew you could do it, baby,” she beamed, kissing her again. “You’re a natural.”

 _A natural...?_ Adora felt like she was floating, her heart being carried away by the currents of Glimmer’s compliment. She often felt like she didn’t have a maternal bone in her body - it wasn’t like she had the most positive parental figures in her life to inspire her. Outside of Angella, she had never experienced the unconditional love bestowed upon children by their mothers. But it was something she had always craved, and craved to one day _give_ to her own child. And maybe, just maybe, she could avoid becoming like the guardians who had made her feel unloved and unwanted for so long. 

She had a lot of love to give, if only the universe was willing to accept it.

\---

After Hya had his fill, he drifted off to sleep, dreaming whatever dreams babies dreamed, while his Aunts continued to gush over him. Adora had never felt so safe and at peace as she had in those moments, with Glimmer’s wings cocooning her and their nephew, the magic thrumming through the soft, translucent pink feathers warming her skin. Hya was gently snoring, swaddled cozily in Glimmer’s arms, his fingers twitching in his sleep. Slipping her arm around Glimmer’s middle, Adora encouraged her girlfriend to lean back with her against the couch cushions, getting as comfortable as possible while still keeping Hya’s head supported. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening cuddling with Glimmer, placing loving kisses along her hairline, admiring the miracle bundled in her arms. 

Because he _was_ a miracle. The ability to create new life, to pass down your traits and features and everything that makes you _you_ , to create a legacy that would outlive you, rise above you, and shape the universe in ways you might never live long enough to see. To shoulder the responsibility of caring for someone so innocent, so completely defenseless, no matter what came your way... 

“Glim?” Adora asked, quietly, to avoid disturbing the baby.

“Mhmm?” Glimmer hummed in response, nestling even further against the taller woman.

Adora licked her lips, knowing what she was about to say could possibly change their relationship forever, but she still couldn’t resist asking. “What color eyes do you think our baby would have?” 

Glimmer stiffened beside her, and Adora grew cold, afraid she had crossed a line… With all the talk about babies, and Glimmer’s maternal love, she had just assumed that, maybe, just _maybe_ , she’d want to have a child with her in the future. A family. She opened her mouth to apologize, to rapidly take the words back, but then she met her girlfriend’s gaze, and saw the unchecked adoration and shimmering tears in her eyes. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips turned into a watery smile, and she knew then that her question was more than welcome, more than appreciated, and all she wanted to do was kiss her senseless and whisper affirmations of love against her mouth.

“I… I think they’d have violet eyes… and they’d have little stars in them. Entire galaxies.” Adora pictured a newborn, red-faced and crying, with uncharted constellations in their eyes, a universe of stars just waiting to be explored. “But, they’d have your nose,” Glimmer added, with the hint of a giggle.

“My nose?” Adora asked, her smile threatening to split her face in half. 

“Yeah!” Glimmer said. “So cute, and boop-able…” To drive her point home, she booped her nose with her own, right before their lips brushed in an impossibly soft and sweet kiss. 

“I hope they don’t inherit my forehead,” Adora mused aloud. “Is that genetic?”

Glimmer pulled away, nose wrinkling as she laughed. “Your forehead isn’t big!”

“Yeah it is!” Adora shot back, still mindful of the volume of her voice, not wanting to disturb the sleeping baby. “Mermista said you could land a plane on it!”

Glimmer rolled her eyes affectionately. “Well, I _love_ your forehead. It’s just the perfect size for kisses.” Eyes twinkling, Glimmer pulled her girlfriend down to kiss her temple, letting her lips linger against her skin while Adora blushed profusely.

“Would they have wings, or magic?” was Adora’s next question, genuinely curious. 

Glimmer tilted her head as she thought. “I don’t know… they’d only be a quarter angel… I don’t really know how genetics for that would work? It took forever for my wings to grow in, so if they had them, it might take even longer. But as long as they have a connection to the moonstone, they could harness magic. And who knows?”, she said, nudging the blonde with her elbow. “Maybe if they’re a girl, you’ll pass down the She-Ra mantle to them…”

“A child who has the power of the Moonstone _and_ She-Ra? I can only imagine the chaos…” Adora shuddered.

“Let’s hope she wouldn’t develop a connection to the Moonstone as a toddler.... I can only imagine chasing a tiny teleporting child through the entire castle.” Glimmer laughed again, Adora’s favorite sound. “I think it would take the entire Princess Alliance to keep an eye on her!” 

Softening, Adora melted even further into the Queen, nuzzling her starlit hair. “But it would be worth it.”

“Yeah…,” Glimmer’s lips curled into a smile. “It would be so worth it.” 

\---

“Bow, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, Adora, what is it?”

Adora hesitated in the doorway of Bow’s room, second-guessing her impulsive interruption, while her friend wiped his glasses clean with a cloth. He was sitting at his desk, clearly in the middle of writing something or another, the pages before him heavily marked with blue and black ink. On the other side of the room, Jewelstar was sprawled in their unmade bed, invested in a novel that was so thick that it easily could have been split into two, maybe even three smaller volumes. 

“Well?” Bow prodded, holding his glasses up to the light to see if they were clean enough to meet his expectations.

Swallowing down her awkward nervousness, Adora decided to cut right to the chase. “I want to visit your fathers’ library. I need help with something.”

At that, Bow raised an eyebrow, and even Jewelstar looked up from his book. “Help... with _what_ , exactly?” Bow asked. 

“Um...” Adora awkwardly trailed off, running her hand through her loose hair. “Family stuff.”

Jewelstar placed his open book face down on the messy sheets, his attention now thoroughly piqued. “Family stuff?”

“Yeah,” Adora said lamely. 

Bow stood up and crossed the room towards the blonde, his eyes somber behind his (still slightly dirty) glasses. “Adora, is this about... Shadow Weaver?”

“What?!” Adora backed away from Bow, rapidly shaking her head. “No, I just want to know about babies.”

“Babies,” Bow said, deadpan.

“Yeah, like... you know, when they learn how to walk, and talk, and eat solid food, and do other baby things. I mean, I don’t even know how long you’re supposed to be pregnant for in the first place, or what you’re supposed to do when you’re pregnant.” The husbands stared at her blankly. “I-I don’t know, like, do you have to eat certain foods, and can you still do things? Or do you have to stay in bed all day? I don’t think Glimmer would like tha-”

Both boys’ eyes widened in disbelief. “Are you saying that Glimmer is _pregnant?!”_ Bow blurted, at the same time Jewelstar gasped, his hands quickly rising to cover his mouth.

“No!” Adora almost shouted, face turning crimson. “Nobody’s pregnant! I just want to know... for when... no not when, _if..._ ” Embarrassed, the hero turned her gaze towards the floor, the cracks in the surface suddenly much more interesting than making eye contact with either of her friends.

A hand squeezing her shoulder regained the blonde’s attention. “Hey,” Bow said, softly. “It’s okay, Adora. We get it.” She braved a glance upwards, comforted by the gentle understanding she found in his kind smile. “But I don’t think it’s the library you want to see.”

Adora furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

Jewelstar chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “Why read books on the subject, when you can get information straight from the source? George and Lance do have thirteen sons, you know.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Adora muttered, realization dawning. “Yeah, that’s... I didn’t think of that.” 

Bow’s smile only grew. “We’re going to visit my fathers this weekend; do you want to come with us?” 

“I don’t mind one bit,” Jewelstar added. “We’d love to have you along for the ride.”

Adora returned his smile, relief flowering through her body. “I’d really appreciate that, thank you.” 

“But,” Bow continued, pointing a finger in the air, “There’s just one condition - Glimmer has to come too.”

Adora froze, her heartbeat stuttering for the briefest of moments. “Wh- no, Glimmer already knows all this stuff, I want to surprise her.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth, either. In all honesty, Adora didn’t want Glimmer to come along because she was nervous. Outside of the conversation they had earlier that week while babysitting Hyacinth, the two had never sat down and had an in-depth discussion on their potential of being parents. And even though Adora was fairly certain Glimmer was open to the possibility of having a baby at some point, actually talking about it out loud - not in a hypothetical way, but about their real, tangible future - was beyond intimidating. 

What if they disagreed? What if they couldn’t compromise? What if their relationship fell apart because of it? 

“Adora, this is something the two of you have to talk about _together_ ,” Bow soothed. “I know it’s scary, but you can’t keep putting this conversation off. Especially if you’re still planning on proposing.” Bow arched an eyebrow, smirking, while Adora rubbed her arm self-consciously, blushing. “This isn’t something that can wait until after you’re married, you know? You need to know where the other stands.”

Adora sighed, shoulders slumping as she conceded to his point. “You’re right, Bow. It’s just... it’s a lot. I love Glimmer, and I don’t want this to be something that divides us.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Jewelstar said gently. “The girl’s in love with you, Adora.”

Flustered, Adora tucked some loose hair behind her ear. “There’s a difference between ‘in love’ and ‘in love to the point where I want to start a family with you’, though.”

Bow laughed, patting Adora’s shoulder. “Trust me, I’d stop wearing crop tops for the rest of my life if it turns out you two _aren’t_ on the same page.”

\--

George and Lance’s house was just as impressive as it was the first time Adora had visited, all those years ago. Their home had been intimidating at first, Adora on her ‘best behavior’ in the hopes of making a good impression on Bow’s fathers, and avoiding outing his secret identity. But as she came to know George and Lance much better, their home became a source of love and warmth. Despite the large, open rooms, she always felt cozy and welcomed, and there wasn’t a speck of dust on the floor-to-ceiling bookcases, as though each tome was well-loved and cherished. It felt lived-in, and well-worn, and you could still make out the pen marks and names on the wall near the kitchen where their thirteen boys had their heights measured.

“Adora!” Lance called, arms outstretched. “Come here, She-Ra!” She eagerly stepped into his embrace, hugging him tightly; he smelled like sandalwood and earthy herbs. He squeezed her around the shoulders, while George practically lifted Glimmer off her feet in their own hug, her girlfriend’s giggles and the chimes of elated sparkles humming in the air. 

As soon as Lance had kindly released her, and his husband had reunited Glimmer with the ground, they swapped partners, George throwing his arms around Adora. His embrace was shorter than Lance’s, but even tighter, in a comforting way. His graying mustache tickled her cheek, but she didn’t mind.

He pulled away, giving her a chance to breathe, his dark eyes twinkling. “Adora, dear, you look beautiful.” 

Before she could respond, slightly embarrassed, Lance cut her off. “Yes! You look wonderful with your hair down, honey.” 

Adora had kept her hair tied up for the majority of her life, as loose hair during battle was just asking for trouble. She could easily get it snagged on something, or have an opponent grab it for an easy attack, or waste precious time brushing her hair out of her eyes. Over time, it became the only way she truly felt comfortable - she felt vulnerable and poorly-defended when her hair wasn’t in a ponytail. And then... something changed. Or rather, someone changed her. She felt so safe, and protected, when she was with Glimmer, that she didn’t mind letting her hair down every now and then. Sometimes, after a long day, Glimmer would pull her into her lap, giggling at their awkward height difference, and just brush her hair, then soothingly comb through the golden strands with her fingers and kiss the back of her neck, lips skimming the beginnings of the scars on her back, murmuring softly about how beautiful she was. Those moments that used to make her feel so exposed and anxious now were some of the most peaceful, tender moments of her life.

“Thank you,” the blonde said shyly, lowering her gaze. 

Glimmer, however, was never one for modesty, especially when it concerned her girlfriend. She didn’t hesitate to kiss Adora’s cheek, probably uncaringly smearing her lip gloss, her hand rising to play with the ends of Adora’s hair. “You’re gorgeous, sweetheart.”

Bows’ fathers shared a knowing smile, laced with a deep understanding that Adora couldn’t possibly hope to comprehend, one that encompassed decades of love and laughter. “Well, it looks like our son and son-in-law have you left you two at our mercy for the rest of the afternoon. Care for some tea?”

\---

Adora gratefully sank into the plush couch cushions, smiling as she remembered how tense and on-edge she had been when she first sat across from George and Lance, pretending to drink bitter tea that she hadn’t learned to appreciate yet. Now, she gladly sipped from the porcelain cup, having stirred in what she deemed to be an adequate amount of sugar. It was just cool enough she could drink without burning her tongue. Glimmer sat close beside her, their thighs touching as she sipped from her own cup, her tea black and unsweetened. 

“So!” George exclaimed, loudly clinking his cup against its matching silver plate. “You two want to talk about babies, huh?”

Glimmer spluttered, spitting tea everywhere. Instinctively, Adora reached over to steady her hand, stopping the drink from spilling all over her pants. “We do?!”

George and Lance both stared at Adora, slightly confused. “Um...” She started anxiously, gingerly rubbing Glimmer’s back after her near-choking. “I was too nervous to say anything, but... uh...”

“But?” Glimmer quirked an eyebrow, patiently waiting for the warrior’s answer. However, her expression didn’t hold any malice or irritation whatsoever; she almost looked amused, if not slightly nervous herself. 

Adora coughed into her fist, tugging at her jacket collar. “I, uh, remember when we babysat Hya, and we were talking about... you know...”

“Making a baby?” Glimmer smirked.

Glimmer’s innuendo did exactly what it was intended to do - get Adora to laugh. Some of her tension gone, she continued on. “Y-yeah, I mean, I just... I wanted to really talk about it, but I wasn’t sure how to talk about it, because like, what if you weren’t being serious, you know? Like it was just a hypothetical? So then I thought it would be a good idea to visit George and Lance, because they have a huge family, right, so, they could give us advice - assuming you actually wanted to, like, uh -”

George and Lance, who had been watching in quiet amusement, both cracked smiles when Glimmer silenced Adora with a kiss. It was brief, but lasted just as long as it needed to last, her lips moving so sweetly against hers, her cherry lip gloss tasting divine. If they weren’t in company, Adora would have chased her lips once she pulled away, kissing again and again, lazily, in the afternoon sun that streamed through the window. “Adora, it’s early yet, but I - I would love to one day start a family with you.”

Adora’s heart nearly leapt from her chest, and in a strange way, she felt as though she had turned into She-Ra. She felt magical, like she was glowing, light radiating from her center and washing over Glimmer in its golden hues. The euphoric peace that settled over her like a warm blanket felt so calming, and so right, that she was unable to form words, simply overwhelmed by her hopes for the future, and her affection for the woman sitting so closely beside her. She was beaming like the sun, and she just knew she had that goofy smile on her face that she got whenever Glimmer did something unexpected and awe-inspiring, but she was helpless to stop herself. In that moment, her and Glimmer were infinite, never-ending, a tale of love that was as old as Etheria itself, their romance woven into every molecule of the universe, their “I love you”’s coded into their very DNA. It was moments like these where she felt as though she had been born to love Glimmer, and she her, as though fate had brought them together again and again, throughout the years.

A quiet laugh and a murmured “aww” brought her back to the present. “You two are just the cutest,” Lance said, hands on his cheeks. “She-Ra and the Queen of Bright Moon, it’s the love story of the century! Who would have guessed?”

“I did,” George chuckled, elbowing his husband. “Remember back when we first met her? I said, ‘my, she and Glimmer would make a great couple, wouldn’t they?’ And you said, ‘sure, George, but they’re young still’, and I said, ‘well, we were young when we fell in love,’, and then you didn’t have much to say after that, did you, hon?”

Lance rolled his eyes, while Glimmer groaned in embarrassment, burying her face in Adora’s shoulder, who was blushing herself. Sometimes, she felt like the entire world knew they were in love before they had ever dared to admit it to themselves. 

“Anyways!” Lance said, clapping his hands together excitedly. “Babies! Where would you like to begin? The hardships and wonders of pregnancy? The joys and woes of raising a newborn? How about the ‘terrible two’s’, or should we skip ahead to the hormonal teenage years? Or perhaps we should go back to the beginning, starting with conception?”

“Pregnancy,” Glimmer blurted, answering for the two of them, wisely deciding to skip over the actual _making_ of the aforementioned baby.

George nodded thoughtfully. “Ah, yes, what to expect when you’re expecting. Well, first things first, it’s not easy. Don’t get me wrong, it will be worth it to bring your little bundle of joy into the world, but...”

“You’ll be at the mercy of mood swings the likes of which you have never seen before,” Lance continued. “You’ll be cranky, and sore, and some days you’ll wonder why you ever agreed to this in the first place. But then you’ll remember you have life growing inside of you, a true testament to your love, a being who will depend on you, someone you can guide and cherish and teach about the world.” He paused, smiling warmly. “Each trimester comes with it’s own set of difficulties, but, before we get into that, I have an important question.” He looked at both women before him in turn. “Which of you would want to carry the baby?”

To be honest, Adora had never thought that far ahead. Of course she assumed one or the other would take on the duty of bearing their child; Glimmer was a talented sorceress, and with the help of her magic, a surrogate party wouldn’t be necessary. But it was a big task to ask of someone, and something which she figured most couples simply took for granted. She remembered how sick Scorpia was towards the tail end of her pregnancy, laid up and unable to do much beyond pray the baby came sooner rather than later. But she also remembered how happy the princess was to be expecting their child, the way she would fondly rub her stomach, gushing about the baby’s sporadic kicks, and just how elated she seemed to have the privilege of carrying Perfuma’s child. 

And, as miserable as some of it sounded, Adora found herself wanting that.

“I would,” Adora said... at the exact same time Glimmer said “I do.” 

They looked at each other, surprised, before breaking down into giggles, cuddling closer. George and Lance shared a laugh too, Lance’s glasses endearingly falling lower on his nose. “Well, you have a lot of time still to figure that one out; after all, you’re not even married yet! But that can wait for a different time. So, let’s talk about the first trimester...”

\---

An hour later, their tea had long since cooled, and Adora and Glimmer had answers to questions they had never even thought about asking. It turned out that even Glimmer, with her rather impressive knowledge of babies, didn’t really know all that much about pregnancy. Yet, despite her face paling multiple times as their friend’s fathers told them the rather explicit details they ordinarily left out of the textbooks, Adora still was not swayed from wanting to give birth to Glimmer’s child - and neither was Glimmer. Adora wondered if she should make a joke about having two, so they could _both_ experience the pros and cons of childbirth, but ultimately decided maybe it was still a bit too early for that conversation.

“So,” Lance started, clearing his throat, “Anything else you have questions about?”

Glimmer shook her head, clearly having processed enough information for one day, but Adora did have one question left, and while it was something dark and dreadful she preferred to keep quiet about, she knew it was best she speak up now, before it became too late. “George, you were in the war, right?”

George nodded, expression unreadable. “That is correct. I was in the war many years ago, before Bow was born.”

Adora sighed, looking down at her folded hands in her lap. “I worry that... what if...” Glimmer sat up further, gently taking the blonde’s hands into her own, stroking her thumb along her palm. The little action gave her the courage needed to voice her question aloud. “What if my past... the war, the world almost-ending, my own childhood... what if it continues to haunt not just me, but our child?”

“Adora,” Glimmer whispered, raising her hand to kiss the back of it. Her eyes were shimmering with concern and empathy, and Adora was almost afraid to look too deeply into them, so that she might drown in their depths.

George was quiet for a while, Lance’s hand comfortingly squeezing his shoulder for support. After a few moments, he spoke. “Trauma never leaves you. Not really. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying. It is not something you can simply outrun, or outgrow. It will always be a part of you.” He took a deep breath. “But it does not define you, Adora. You are so much stronger than anything you’ve been through. You can break the cycle; in fact, you already _have_ broken it. You would be a wonderful mother, dear. Both of you would.” 

Tearing up, Adora did her best to keep herself composed, but it was obvious that George’s words had gotten to her. “I.. thank you, George. I go to therapy... but...” Adora trailed off, uncertain, but was encouraged by Lance and George’s kind smiles, and Glimmer’s arm around her, pulling her close, pride shining in her eyes. “It helps. It helps a lot. I guess this is something I should bring up in session, then.” She laughed, a little awkwardly, leaning further into Glimmer’s embrace.

“Therapy is good,” George said. “I’m glad you’re going, and getting something out of it.” His gaze shifted to the Queen. “And what about you, Glimmer?”

Glimmer pursed her lips, confused. “What do you mean?”

Lance reached across the table to squeeze her knee. “Sweetheart, Adora wasn’t the only one hurting after the war. You are, too. You thought you lost your father, and your mother...” Glimmer barely repressed a flinch, nuzzling into Adora’s arm. “You’re very strong, and brave, but sometimes, it’s okay to admit you’re hurting.”

Her words were muffled by Adora’s jacket, but still audible. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Adora wrapped her own arm around her girlfriend, kissing her forehead as she gently rocked them back and forth. She knew she was still grieving over Angella, and while Adora never pushed for her to open up about her pain, she was beginning to wonder if maybe she actually should have. Glimmer could act so regal, and powerful, that sometimes she forgot that she was still mortal, still vulnerable. Even though there was no tangible threats at the moment, she felt protective, curling herself around Glimmer as though to ward off the dangers of her own mind.

“That’s fine then,” George answered. “But you should talk about it with someone, angel. You can’t keep this inside forever.” 

“You could see my therapist, if you wanted,” Adora offered kindly, bumping their noses together. “They’re great, and confidential. Even if it’s only for a session or two.”

Glimmer was quiet for so long that Adora was afraid she hadn’t heard her, but the Queen pulled away, eyes glistening and dark, her smile wobbly but genuine. “Thank you, honey. I think... I think maybe I’d like that.”

They stayed with Bow’s fathers for another hour, talking about everything and nothing. Adora spent most of that time rubbing Glimmer’s back, resting her head on her shoulder, offering her support even long after she appeared to have recovered from their heavier conversation. And later that night, Adora dreamt of angels with pastel wings, and babies with indigo eyes. 

\---

Adora and Glimmer had a bit of a ritual after Adora’s therapy sessions. Twice a month, after her afternoon appointment, Adora would walk out of her therapist’s office and find Glimmer waiting for her in the hall, a folded blanket tucked under her arm and a picnic basket in hand. She’d then teleport them to the palace roof, where they’d eat lunch in the same spot where Bow announced his and Jewelstar’s vacation, with the birds and clouds for company. The food was always fresh, still warm from the kitchens, a combination of Adora’s go-to meals, in-season fruit, and whatever she or Glimmer had been craving earlier that week. 

Her girlfriend never pushed her to talk about her appointment - she’d ask if everything went well, and left it at that, knowing that Adora would open up to her if she felt like it. Instead, she’d rub Adora’s hand with her thumb, stealing kisses here and there, telling cringe-inducing jokes during any awkward lulls in conversation, always managing to sneak a laugh out of her lover, no matter the weight she was carrying that day. Sometimes, especially during her first few sessions, Adora would leave her appointment with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks, and Glimmer would simply scoop her up in her arms and teleport them to her hanging bed, where she’d rub her back, kissing away her tears and whispering loving affirmations. Adora would sink into her girlfriend, letting Glimmer’s unconditional love wash over her in a calming tide of pinks and purples. Adora loved that she respected her privacy and valued her comfort, never urging her to confess about what transpired earlier, simply offering herself in the sweetest way possible.

Today was Glimmer’s first therapy session, and she’d be leaving any minute now. Deciding to return the favor that her soulmate had done for her countless times before, she stood patiently (if not slightly awkwardly) a few paces away from the office, a bouquet of Bright Moon roses and violets in one arm, and a basket of sliced strawberries and still-warm dumplings in the other. While she was by no means an expert chef, she had made the dumplings (mostly) by herself, following Micah’s recipe, with minor assistance from the kitchen staff. They were a bit lumpy, but she was proud of her efforts. 

Even though she had been waiting expectantly for a while, she was still taken by surprise when the door opened. After a few hushed words to her therapist that Adora couldn’t make out, Glimmer stepped into the hallway, slowly closing the door behind her. An excited grin broke out on the blonde’s face, eager to share the rest of the afternoon with her love, until she turned to face her. The Queen’s face was red and blotchy, eyes swollen from crying, lower lip trembling, shoulders slumped, and Adora’s heart split clean open, sorrow spilling from its splintered edges. 

Upon noticing Adora, Glimmer grew a watery smile, tears gathering in her eyes. “Oh, honey,” She said in a broken voice, face crinkling as she tried to hold in a sob. With wobbly knees, she walked towards Adora, and the warrior easily closed the distance between them, shifting the flowers and food to one arm so she could circle the other around her girlfriend. 

“Shh, It’s okay, Glim. I’m so, so proud of you.”

With those gently spoken words, the last of the barriers maintaining Glimmer’s composure fell away, and the Queen broke down in Adora’s arms, crying into her shoulder and gripping her jacket collar. As badly as it hurt to see her girlfriend in any sort of pain, it was impossible to stop a rush of admiration coursing through her, full of pride for her lover’s strength and resilience that got her this far in the first place, and for all the progress she had made towards her health, and would continue to make in the future.

Glimmer was in no position to talk coherently, and Adora knew her magic would be unusable while she was in such a state, so she wordlessly lifted her girlfriend, managing to keep hold of her around her waist while still holding on to the bouquet and picnic basket. Glimmer instinctively wrapped her legs around her middle, burying her tear-streaked face into the crook of her neck. Mindful of her lightly fluttering wings, Adora carried her towards their room, nuzzling into her downy pink hair, breathing in her lilac shampoo and planting whisper-soft kisses against her temple. 

The walk didn’t take long, and soon enough, Adora was gently laying Glimmer down on the pillow-covered couch, but found herself unable to separate from her lover, as her ankles remained locked around her waist. Impossible for her to deny her angel, she gently dropped her gifts to the floor, sliding onto the sofa beside her, where Glimmer wasted no time in snuggling into her chest, still sniffling. Adora kneaded slow and steady circles between her wings, in that special spot that she knew always lulled her to sleep after a restless night. 

Closing her eyes, she concentrated on her breathing, making sure that each breath was deep and slow, her chest dramatically rising and falling. “It’s okay, breathe with me, Starlight.” Glimmer’s breaths, which were short and choppy before, began to even out as she replicated Adora’s breathing, forcing herself to follow the pattern she had set. “Good girl,” Adora murmured, kissing Glimmer’s eyes, tasting her salty tears, desperately wishing she could take away all of her pain, but knowing that the most important thing in this situation was for her to stay strong and calm, and be a beacon of hope.

After what could have been just a few minutes, or perhaps entire lifetimes, Glimmer pulled away from Adora just enough to make eye contact, her usually-sparkling eyes dark and puffy, but no longer crying. “I’m sorry,” she said, sniffling.

“You’re sorry for what?” Adora asked, brow furrowing. “Sweetheart, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Glimmer shifted her gaze away, embarrassed. “You went through all this trouble, with... the flowers, and -”

“That’s not important,” Adora reassured. “What’s important to me is _you._ I just, I wanted to surprise you, this is... It’s not easy.” Adora sighed, running her fingers through Glimmer’s starlit hair. “It’s never easy. But you _did_ it. And I’m so, so proud of you, love.” 

Glimmer blushed, hiding her face as she squirmed in her arms. “’Dora, stop, you’re gonna make me cry again,” she whined.

Adora lifted her chin with a single finger, meeting her eyes once again. “I love you so much, Starlight. I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what. To the moon and back.”

Glimmer softened, leaning forwards to kiss her on the mouth, her chapped lips feather-light against Adora’s. “To the moon and back, love. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a very special thanks to Say_Anything for beta-ing the entire fic, and inspiring me everyday, giving me more ideas than I know what to do with (hence how what was meant to be a 2k word scene evolved into an entire chapter!). Go check out her fic Heart of Courage for incredible fankid antics and more Glimmadora!

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update weekly; the first three chapters are completely written, and just being slowly edited; out of all the chapters written so far, this one is actually the shortest. Will probably be around 5-6 chapters long. Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed, consider leaving a kudos and/or comment!


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